"I've got you Magnus." Alec catches me, his strong arms holding me. My eyelids are heavy, falling shut again and again. I keep them closed and, as if through a fog, Alec and Julian's words filter through to me.

"What do you want?", asks Julian angrily.

"We're going home Mags." Alec pays no attention to him. All his attention is on me. I hear his voice and the concern.

"Are you his man?", bursts out Julian in disgust. Alec grips my body tighter. He stiffens and I open my eyes with difficulty.

"Yes. I am. And I'm taking Magnus home now." Cool but with a fire that underlines the urgency of his words, Alec addresses his words to Julian. Anger still blazes in his eyes.

My gaze switches between the icy eyes of Alec to the flaming eyes of Julian. Both men engage in an eye duel. The temperature around us has dropped several degrees. The silence is stifling. The tension, the hatred between these two men, so different, is palpable. Julian is trying to process what I have told him. He is looking for an explanation for the fact that I married Alec but insulted him at the altar and just left him there. And Alec is trying to protect me.

"We're leaving now", says Alec in a sharp tone, supporting me as we walk towards the exit.

"We still have to say goodbye." I say quietly, really just wanting to go to sleep.

"I already have. I apologised to Eliza and Michael, told them you weren't feeling well", Alec replies softly. I'm glad we're taking the way through the house and the front door. That way I don't have to push my drunken butt through the gawping crowd of colleagues. Why did I have to drink the cocktail so badly, too? My mind was trying to tell me that something was wrong. But I was far too nervous about my little secret coming out.

And the cocktail was red. I like the colour red. Red represents fire and blood. Red is powerful. Red is love and passion, but also hate and aggression. Bloodshed is opposed to warmth, war to power. Red unites extreme opposites, it heightens sensuality, conscious experience and feeling and the expression of uninhibited passion. Alec wears a red shirt. The deep V-neckline exposes the base of his pectoral muscles and defined collarbones. The white hem hugs muscular upper arms, the fabric is tight against his body and, combined with the dark grey low-rise jeans, is a man's dream. And any woman.

Alec helps me get into his car and fastens the seat belt. His after shave tickles my senses and I taste salt on my tongue. The salty aroma of his sex-soaked skin. Another memory. The effect of the rum unfolds, settles heavily on my limbs. It makes me sleepy, but also horny. Alec's warm body leans lightly against mine. Slowly, I stroke his buttocks and growl throatily. Alec does not react to my touch. Unimpressed, he straightens up, lets the passenger door fall loudly into the lock. I watch him walk around the car and open the driver's door. Lithe as a cat, he sits behind the steering wheel, his slender fingers wrapped around it. Cool leather under warm skin, I can feel it.

Silently we drive through the evening streets of suburban New York. White houses, green trees, the smell of freshly mown grass and Alec's pink tongue running wetly over his lips. My penis is rock hard, I slide back and forth restlessly on the seat. If he comes on me again tonight, I won't resist. He can do anything to me, I don't care. The main thing is that his lips enclose my penis at the end of the day.

Alec doesn't dignify me with a glance and looks stoically ahead at the road. His eyebrows are drawn together in strain. His jaw muscles are pressed tightly together and his lips are just a thin line. He is pissed.

"Are you mad?", I ask, trying to speak as clearly as I can. But that the alcohol has a firm grip on me can still be heard. Sighing deeply, I lean my head against the glass, close my eyes and try to get the spinning in my head under control. Heaviness settles over me, fatigue and the cold of the window pierces through my skin and chills my mind.

"I don't like it when my partners are drunk", Alec murmurs.

"You might not care. But I do. Drinking ends in chaos. Or death." What? Chaos? Death? I have no idea what Alec is talking about.

"Please don't do that again", he says quietly and I nod. Still leaning my forehead against the window, Alec can't even see the nod. Not when he continues to stoically look at the road ahead. And that's the case, I'm pretty sure.

"Who was that guy?", asks Alec suddenly. Briefly, I sort through my thoughts, only to come to Julian. He means Julian.

"My ex", I reply curtly.

"Hmmm." I was expecting more.

"Tomorrow I'll have a huge hangover. Julian put rum in the cocktail. I can't stand rum and he knows it. He did it on purpose."

"You're gonna have to deal with that. You didn't have to drink that. Nor the shots."

Alec is really mad at me. He doesn't have any reason to be. We're not a couple.

"Don't be mad. This isn't my first crash. It's fine", I say placatingly and put my hand on his thigh. Instantly my penis stirs again as I feel the taut muscles under my fingers. Hard muscles and Alec's moans. Fucking rum. He snorts contemptuously and pulls the floor out from under me in one bound.

"Your last crash landed at the altar. With me."

Now it's me who snorts. It's beyond me why Alec is so pissed. I don't owe him any account.

"It could have been worse for you", I counter. But instead of another confrontation with my soaked tongue, Alec remains silent again. And so it remains silent between us for the rest of the drive. My hand is resting on my leg by now and my head is leaning against the window again. The quiet rocking of the car, the soft tranquil music from the radio makes me sleepy. Muffled, I listen to the melody, a beautiful male voice singing of love and pain. An unrequited love for the man of his dreams.

Alec hums softly, the deep bass of his voice sends an icy shiver down my spine.

"You can let yourself go, I'll hold you. Until you forgive yourself and everyone. I feel what it would be like if you loved..."

I listen attentively to his voice. The dizziness slowly subsides, but the nausea remains. Exhausted, I close my eyes.

"We're here Magnus", Alec gently shakes my shoulder. I startle up and wipe my face wearily. Have I fallen asleep? I have fallen asleep. We're standing outside my house and I can't remember how we got here.

"Fuck my head", I say with a groan. Alec undoes my seatbelt, I open the door and half fall onto the pavement. Again it is Alec who catches me. Again it is his arms that support me and take me inside the house.

Hallway, living area, the creaking hallway in front of the stairs, together we climb the stairs to the upper floor. Alec has an arm around my waist, giving me security. He holds and watches over me. It is a beautiful, but at the same time disturbing feeling. I don't want to owe him anything. Once in the bedroom, I free myself from his grip and drop face-first onto the soft mattress. Instantly, my head is spinning again. Alec releases me from my shoes, I feel his hands on my hips, with a gentle twist I lie on my back.

His hands tamper with the button of my trousers and I lick my dry lips. Alec fixes my eyes with his, his hands lightly touch the skin at my groin and I moan softly. I'm still aroused, this sight, Alec above me stripping me of my clothes is just too much.

"Make love to me", I breathe and clasp my hands behind his neck.