Satisfaction. The fulfilment of sexual desires. Fulfilment. Realisation. Satisfaction. Feelings of happiness. Adrenaline. Alec.

"Magnus?", whispers Alec. His face is still buried in the crook of my neck. His warm breath hits against my skin and I suppress a sigh. A feeling I don't know creeps up from the darkness. I stroke his back gently, the skin slowly but steadily growing colder. Slowly the heat in our bodies fades, withdraws and the fog of lust dissipates its swathes. The realisation of our actions, of what has just happened between us, settles leadenly over me.

"You're heavy." I press out with a gasp. Alec's entire weight is on me, the hard top of my desk aching against my back.

"Sorry", replies Alec, slowly straightening up. Leaning on his forearms, he looks at me and suddenly it's back. His facial expressions give him away. He wants to say something and I have a dull feeling it's exactly what I don't want to hear right now. So I take the only way out that comes to mind. Distraction.

"You can shower up here. I'm going downstairs." My back cracks as I straighten up and my chest bumps against his. Alec makes no move, kneeling on my desk and looking at me with sad eyes.

"Let me go take a shower, please", I say softly. My breath bounces against his lips.

"We should talk about this", Alec whispers and that whisper, the way the words leave his mouth, sets all my alarm bells ringing.

"No Alec. We shouldn't. It was a hot sexual adventure. It was horny. But that's exactly what it was. A horny adventure. Nothing more." I hear the grinding of Alec's teeth, see the tense muscles of his jaw and Jace's voice booms loudly in my ears. 'You hurt him, I'll break every bone in your body.'

Even though Alec is still so close to me and I can feel his warm body against mine, coldness assaults me. It eats through my muscles and tendons. It was a mistake. What have we been doing?

"This stays between us. It would be nice if you didn't peddle the fact that you got me", I say dryly. Alec looks at me from widened eyes. In one swift smooth movement he leaves his kneeling position and stands in front of me with his arms crossed. I feel at his mercy, boxed in. There's no way out of this situation and unlike the Alec who takes what he wants and escorts me to other spheres, this one looks like he'd love to send me to hell.

"Wow. Really?" Alec's blue eyes sparkle angrily at me. A mixture of anger and disappointment, incomprehension and regret.

"Alec. We're not in a relationship. Yes we are married..." Alec raises his hand and I remain silent. The disappointment is written all over his face.

"I'll sleep on the sofa", he says and the coldness in his voice makes me shiver. I'm cold, freezing, my elbows aching as well as my back.

Furious, Alec turns, gathers his clothes from the floor and leaves. I stare after him as he disappears from my office, naked with sweaty skin and dishevelled hair. The sound of his bare feet is unnaturally loud in my ears and the slamming of the bedroom door makes me wince. He's pissed. He's disappointed. I can understand.

Groaning, I pick myself up and descend the stairs to the ground floor. The old steps creak and I hear the muffled sound of the shower through the wall. This little house has been around for a few years, but I can justifiably say that it was love at first sight. After the death of my mother, I received a generous inheritance and the house of my childhood. However, it quickly became clear that I was not going to stay there. The memories of my parents' laughter and the warmth of their hugs hurt too much. These should be memories that give you support and strength in a difficult time. But to me they gave sadness, pain and anger.

I stand under the shower for a long time, enjoying the warm jet that constantly spreads the water over my body. The heat penetrates my skin and loosens my muscles. Clouds of steam surround me, sealing me off from the reality that awaits me. Alec's anger, his disappointment. I don't know what he wants me to say. We gave in to a desire. It was fascinating how Alec dominated my body. How his hands in unison with his lips numbed my senses and I felt nothing but weightlessness and pure fulfilment.

But dynamism and euphoria, combined with the rush of ecstasy, are only welcome guests until the heat escapes the bodies and the fog of lust clears.

After leaving the shower, I remember that my clothes are still lying on the floor in the office. Once again I'm standing here without fresh clothes. And somehow I have a fat deja-vu right now. With a towel around my hips, I leave the small bathroom and before I can climb the stairs, my eyes fall on the sofa. Alec is lying with his back to me and I can see his dark hair peeking over the edge of the duvet.

"Alec?", I ask in a whisper. He doesn't answer me. Is he asleep already? What time is it anyway? Startled, I realise that it is already dark outside. The patio lights are on, bathing the room in a soft glow. Quietly I walk to the sofa and of course I step onto the creaking floorboard and hear the rustle of Alec's duvet. His head lifts in my direction and before I can think about it, the words bubble out of me.

"You're supposed to sleep upstairs. I'll take the sofa. Even though my back will hurt like hell tomorrow morning. Because this sofa is not suitable for sleeping. At least not for a night's sleep", I say.

"It's okay Magnus", retorts Alec quietly and turns back to his other side.

"No it's not okay. I said I was sleeping here. So I'm sleeping here too. Come on get the fuck up and go upstairs." I'm annoyed. I'm tired. I'm tired of Alec Lightwood doing all the things I should be doing as the master of my house. The bedding is freshly made. He has taken a pillow and duvet from the cupboard and covered them with my favourite bedding.

I remember our mishap in the bedroom and Alec putting out fresh clothes for me. The thought creeps into my mind that it will be the same this time. That as soon as I enter the bedroom, a pile of fresh clothes awaits me. Neatly folded, draped on the bedspread. I can't help but laugh derisively.

"You're unbelievable, you know that?" I thunder angrily at him. Sarcasm drips onto the floorboards beneath my feet. I feel so stupid right now. Controlled by others. Manipulated.

"Magnus", comes Alec's soft gentle voice. He sounds calm and not angry in any way. I look down at him. A strand of his still damp hair falls into his face. My fingertips begin to tingle again. I rub them together to quench the desire. I don't succeed.

"Please go to sleep. It's your bed. Your bedroom. I have no business being there. And don't even try to dissuade me", he says calmly and quietly.

What is this guy doing to me? A moment ago I was angry and a blink later my heart is tingling at his words. I smile and brush the stray strand from his forehead. It falls back again and the nerve endings of my fingertips are happy to be allowed to glide through the soft black hair one more time. I lower my head and place my lips on his forehead. The scent of my shampoo and a pinch of Alec greets me.

"Good night", I whisper. Alec doesn't say a word. Straight on, my legs carry me to the stairs and up the steps. I feel Alec's gaze on me clearly and before he disappears from my field of vision I turn my head in his direction. It's dark, but I imagine he's looking straight at me with his blue eyes.

"Good night Magnus", I hear him say softly. And as I suspected, a made bed and fresh clothes, neatly folded, await me. With a smile on my face and confused thoughts, I fall asleep.