By

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I was thirteen and had only had two real crushes and both had been boys. But I'd always caught myself looking at girls, and I'm surprised it took me so long to realize the truth, that I liked girls and guys. That I was bi.

I was proud. I love who I am and would never deny myself the right to be free. But it was different when I thought about my friends.

The community I live in is almost completely made of Christians. It's hard to find someone at school who isn't a Christian, and I avoided the topic of religion among my friends since my family was one who didn't follow the Bible like a puppy dog.

I'm not saying we are against Jesus. We just aren't Christians.

But all my friends were. My best friend had once told me how she "just didn't think such a thing belonged in society." I was disgusted, even though this was before I realized I was bi. I couldn't talk to her for days and even then it was with fake friendship.

All my other friends would talk between each other about how weird and wrong lesbians and gays were, and how bi people were even worse. I would always leave the conversation, because I was too against what they were saying to listen.

I think I let myself believe I was bi when I realized I wasn't one in a million. I had at least three friends (the few that accepted me later, when I came out to them) who were bisexual/lesbian, and that was kid of a wake-up call. I accepted being bi, even though I hadn't met a girl I liked yet.

And then my neighbor, a girl in the grade above me, started coming over more often, and I realized I had my first girl crush. It was the hardest thing not to tell my friends. I had started to drift away from them, and was hanging out by myself more often. I didn't mind, but it hurt to know my own friends wouldn't accept me.

I had this boyfriend at the time, but I had never really liked him and wasn't sure why I was dating him. I tried to break up with him, but kept chickening out. Then one day my friend gold me he wanted to break up with me. It hurt, but I wasn't sure why. I guess because we felt the same way.

Of course, we didn't. I didn't know why he wanted to break up with me, but he had said things lately that told me he was against LGBTQ+ in general, and I knew that meant he was against me (he didn't know that).

We broke up but stayed friends, but I never told him I was bi. I couldn't.

I still had to tell my parents, but I knew they would accept me. I just worried how things would change.

And that brings us to the present, me still a thirteen-year-old bisexual girl who has yet to come out to anyone other than the three friends she knew would understand, who turns around and hear her best friends ranting off about how all bisexual people are sinning demons and should burn in hell.

They always make me laugh when they say that. I always want to say, "I think it would be nice to befriend the devil."