By

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Hi! I'm Lucy. I'm bisexual and genderfluid and this is my story:

Around the time of August 2015 I became more involved with the LGBT+ community. This was because my parents would often discuss how they thought that there were lesbians at the top of our road. A lot of the things they said were often quite homophobic and I couldn't help but disagree with it.

I often though of myself as a strait ally. I was really supportive of gay rights and always wanted to go to a pride parade as an ally to show my support for the community.

Then, in December of that year, I started wondering if I felt so attached to the community because I might not be straight. I found myself looking at girls like I would look at boys. By January I had began to come to the conclusion that I might be bisexual. Of course, it didn't take very long (I think) to realise and I didn't tell anyone incase I realised that I was lesbian or pan.

However, May of 2016, a couple weeks before my birthday, my friend came out as pan and then Trans, and I was really supportive of him! A week later, encouraged by his courage of coming out to me and two other girls, I came out to the three of them as Bi. It was an amazing feeling, like a weight being lifted off my chest.

Not long after that, the friend who came out as Pan and Trans (we'll call them David for now) asked me out, telling me they had had feelings for me for a while. Me, not having much self confidence, said yes, believing that this could be the only person that ever asked me out. It wasn't a good decision. It was a bad relationship and I had to break up with them after only two months. I really didn't want to have to do it but I did, knowing that it would only hurt me more of I didn't. What I hate most was that I did it buy text. I was away at Soul Survivor (a Christian festival) at the time and couldn't do it face to face. Yes, I am Christian, however not all Christians are homophobic and I strongly believe in Matthew 7, but obviously it would be stupid if I was homophobic as I am part of the community.

However, about a week before we broke up, David came out as pan to our larger circle of friends, and I came out as Bi. A day after we told them we were going out.

And honestly I was TERRIFIED. I don't know why, my friends were always super supportive of each other, but I think my pessimistic mind kept telling me they would hate me, which is usually not the case. I haven't come out to any of my family yet, however I'm VERY open about it at school! My parents are terribly homophobic sometimes, often without meaning to be I think, but they were raised in quite homophobic areas so it's been stuck in their brains. My mum is terribly transphobic as well, which is annoying and often makes me want to shake her shoulders and scream that IT ISNT A TREND!!!

I myself am not transgender, as I mentioned before. I am genderfluid. I have always felt as if I wasn't really a girly girl. Every other girl in my class would want to wear pink nail varnish whilst I would want to make a model aircraft or tank for my room. I remember when my pink room got painted over, it wasn't like saying that I'm not a stereotypical girl who loves pink.

But it wasn't really that. It was me saying that I am not always a girl.

Because some days I am feminine, some days I am masculine, some days I am neither. It's just really annoying that all of my clothes are feminine.

But sometimes the only way to show that I am masculine is the way I walk or the way I hold my drink. I try sometimes, to use my clothes to create a look like my brother. Tight black jeans, plain white shirt and grey baggy hoodie. It might not seem very masculine but it's all I have, and it makes me feel better. That I don't look feminine and I can show who I am.

I didn't really come out as genderfluid. I did, but I didn't make it an announcement. I just wrote it on my hand as well as drawing the bi flag. It's a small thing but it helps me in coming out to the world. And I never know when I can do that. When I can finally walk home with a girl and tell my parents I have a girlfriend. I'm scared. Very scared of telling them. But a friend of mine told me once "don't come out of you don't want to."

It's such a simple thing, but it honestly made me feel so much better. Just thinking that the day wouldn't have to come when I sit my parents down and tell them who I am. Knowing that I wouldn't have to worry about being kicked out because of my sexuality. And I highly doubt my parents would kick me out. But thinking, no, knowing that I didn't have to tell them lightened my mood.

So that's my plain, simple story. I am Lucy. I am bisexual. I am genderfluid. I use the pronouns she/ her or they/them.