By

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Okay, my place to start is the most awkward place possible. My bedroom; at midnight; with my phone; on tumblr. It was around a year or two ago when I discovered my sexuality and I'm still currently in an attempt of finding out about my gender. I used to think I was genderfluid, but now I think I'm a transgender so I don't know.

On Tumblr, on my dash, there was a post that read something like 'bisexuals and pansexuals are not the same' then had the definitions of both. I read the bisexual one first, despite the fact that wasn't the first definition displayed. I shrugged at it, still in belief that I was straight. (Boy was I wrong). I read the pansexual one and thought to myself I might not be heterosexual.

Later on, I began googling quizzes on all sorts of websites (quotev being a main) to see who I was in the LGTBQ+ community. I knew what it was at the time, but I didn't know what any of the letters stood for. I kept doing the quizzes for at least a few hours, until I had come to the conclusion I was pansexual. I knew they were just quizzes and didn't define me, but I strongly believed that.

I put my phone aside and went to bed, feeling satisfied as to the fact I had discovered my sexual identity.

In the morning, I was awoken by my dad (who has no relevance in this story) and I thought 'today's gonna be a great day'. I got dressed and did all the boring stuff, then walked to school.

At break, I asked my tiny group of friends if they knew who they were. One of my friends replied with their name, which made us all laugh, but I soon said I meant if they knew what their sexuality or gender was. They all said they didn't know and I stood proud (not really, I just kinda stood there, staring at them) and stated he fact that I was pansexual. One asked what it meant so I defined it for them and they said they think that they're pansexual.

Later on in the week, we had a group chat on Instagram, just us and we talked about it. They'd all come to the conclusion that they were pansexual and I said 'I think I'm genderfluid.' I had strongly upheld that for ages until like last week.

If anyone's gonna ask, well what is your gender? I'm still currently figuring it out, I may be a transgender but I'm completely unsure.

So uhh, how do I end this? I've never been good at ending this. So, I'll just say this:

If you're hetero and cis, great job! If you're not, great job! You just gotta be strong, okay? Being LGTBQ is definitely not easy, so keep faith with yourself and others around you. People who accept you? Hold onto them for as long as humanly possible. Goodbye now.