By

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So I posted a story earlier in the book, but a lot has changed since then. First off: about two days after I posted that, I came out to my parents. It went pretty well. I was too scared to say it outright to them.

So what happened basically was we were on a vacation in Maine, and I was walking on the beach with my dad, and my sister, who already knew about my being pan from the previous story I posted, was far ahead of us. I chickened out then, and when I was walking on the beach with him that night.

I knew I'd never tell them in person, but I've always found that my knack for writing can come in handy for situations like these. I wrote them a letter while sitting outside at ten o'clock on Maine using my phone flashlight.

I told my sister to give it to my dad, because I knew my mom had been raised rather religiously, and I just felt more comfortable telling him, because as I stated in my last story, he's always made it clear he'd love us no matter what.

Anyways, after I told him, we talked and the sick feeling I'd been feeling all day went away. He showed my mom the two days later, and we talked a little bit about it while we were swimming at the pool, and she said she didn't care as long as they treated me right.

They both also said nothing had to be final. Turns out they were right. When I returned to school, and saw the girl I convinced myself I didn't have a crush on anymore, and just kinda realized that I still liked her.

Bad. I knew for sure she was and probably always will be my straight friend. I also told her best friend I liked the girl. My crush, the girl I called Emerson last time, and her best friend, I'll call her W.

Anyways, I told W that I liked Emerson, or used to. When I told her that I thought I used to. I thought I had a crush on my best guy friend from camp, and I think I still kinda do, but I'll get to that later.

Back on track, I went on a vacation with my best friend, and we had lots of late night talks. She's bisexual, and I'm pretty sure I'm lesbian, but I prefer gay for some reason.

Anyways, I realized I still liked Emerson then, and I realized I was probably gay.

I told everyone over a group chat, (messy and confusing, but they got it eventually) none of my friends cared, and the one other new friend I've made this year, I told her and Emerson that I was gay at lunch and they were like oh cool. My new friend, I'll call her L, she is actively supportive. She's the best.

Something came along to complicate things though: My camp guy friend. I'll call him V. now V is literally the best. i was sobbing in the coat room of the dining hall one night, and he came and just let held me while I cried. I didn't admit I liked him until the last day of camp.

Now he was dating my friend and cabinmate, so I knew he was off limits to me.

But every time I think about him I just miss him so much sometimes it's overwhelming. I don't know how I feel about him. Sometimes I just imagine seeing him again, seeing him walk up the parking lot with his things, while I'm with my family, and I see him, and I scream his name and run to hug him because I haven't seen or contacted him in a full year. I'm feeling sad just writing this.

Sometimes I wonder if he thinks about me as often as I think about him. I doubt it. He was always surrounded by girls. It was really annoying. Now I know why.

I found this term one day, and I think it might fit me. Homoflexible. It means I mostly like girls but some boys. I don't necessarily need a lable on myself right now. If finding one makes you comfortable, then by all means do whatever you want. But this is how I feel right now.

Please stay safe. Please be careful. And please remember that each and every one of you are beautiful and wonderful and everything in between, no matter what anyone else ever says.