By

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I'm a 14 year old male

It is was around the 6th grade when I notice it, a lot of us 6th graders started "dating". I put this in quoting marks because none of the dating go around in my school was serious.

Well I went to a catholic school, living Kentucky is very...interesting. I live in the more northern region so it is more LGBT friendly.

But around the 6th grade all the guys were trying to start having crushes on women. At first I had a crush on this girl named (let call her L for privacy) so L was very sweet and kind and encouraged me to continue in art which is something I major in.

A lot of the guys called me pussy for doing art and not sports but I didn't care.

I never did come out to L or tell her these feelings. I know think I only had them because for once a girl was nice to me but onto the story.

I had friend (let's call him P for privacy) I felt a connection with P he is very tall and makes me feel short for being on 5'6 at the time. So P ended up telling me how he had big crush on L and loved her boobs.

Typical, I never noticed that I liked P until I kept feeling jealousy take over me when L and P flirted. I started being a dick to L (which L if you ever catch on I'm really sorry, I love you girl.)

but so L and P started dating on and now in 8th grade, 2 years.

Alright so P and L had broke it off during the beginning of the year, I stayed around for P for support and telling him it wasn't worth committing suicide.

So I started developing a crush on a straight boy, fuck. But before I knew it we started dating, he identified as pan so we started dating yay, but that's not it,

I have a mental illness called body dysmorphia, because I was not all abs and muscle, I was just fabulous flabs.

But I did out of the 10% of men I devolved a eating disorder, I had anorexia and I would make sure I wouldn't get above 200 calories. I worked out untill I passed out and woke up a hour later to go back to bed.

I was cold miserable all the time and I broke up with P, during February of 8th grade year one night my mother and farther have visited multiple times with trying to get me to eat, but I refused.

I would get upset and angry at them yelling at the saying I couldn't tell them why. But I knew why, I had an eating disorder because I wanted control from coming out to my parents as gay.

I told my mother one night she paused,swallowed. "We just want you to be happy, Jonah." I went into treatment the next month and where I went through relapses and I had a lot of depression and anxiety, but I'm a survivor.

It's been a year now and I'm happily recovered, I love my body now and I drank a damn milkshake yesterday because I wanted something sweet.

But my parents are in the end not okay with me being gay, after I recovered they told me. "Jonah, we love you and we want you happy but we will not have this under our roof."

I'm a bit distant from my parents but I don't let the homophobic people control me.

I'm now in high school and have s crush on this dude name Charlie.

But don't let your parents words defy who you are, if you identity as any LGBTQA+ then be yourself, don't let them tell you it's a phase cause it's not.

I love you guys