By

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It all started when I was an itzy bitzy 5th grader. I met this girl named trinity (who is now my best friend) I started imagining marrying her, and during the summer I thought about her a lot. Of course I never thought anything of it because I was so young. I've known aboit the lgbt since 2nd grade, but all I really knew was gay, bi and trans. It was in 6th where I would be around my friend Jay, and get butterflies I always thought "wow we'd be a great couple" but then I remembered we were both girls. This is when I started questioning my sexuality. But not much. I met this really sweet guy named luke and developed feelings for him. At my 12th birthday I told my sister and friends that I think I might be bi-sexual. They were all so supporting, it was great. I didn't really think about it much after. My family all supports the lgbt with a passion, but things happen and this is when things weren't so great and happy. I would always say things like "how do you know I'll have a husband?" When my mom mentioned such things, eventually she said I just sid those things for attention. Then 7th came, hormones kicked in and well... lets just say I was given a dirty, or as I like to call "sexy mind". In 7th grade I was so obsessed with luke, and he liked me. This is what made me believe I was bisexual. Then I met sam, angelina at the time we became close friends, and together we are the most gay people you will ever meet, buuttttt we're saving that for 8th grade. Sam got me really thinking about my sexuality, more and more. It was during a ride home when I told my mom I think I m bisexual. She told me I was young and that she wants me to be straight because being gay is hard, and provides many disadvantages. She asked me if I started thinking about sex. I said yes, but it was really a no. She came to the conclusion that I was only attracted to guys and she made me think so too.

Later on sam and I became close, and I found out he was transgender and was gay. And he opened the door to my handle, and I entered that wonderful tims of questioning. Luke moved away by now and I didn't like any guys, luke was my first real crush, and till this date my only guy crush. Because of the way I felt for him I thought I was bi. But the thought of sex with guys, was gross. And by now I DID think about sex but surprise surprise, it was only with other girls. I had finally decided I was bi, and sm said he was homoflexible, and thats when I learned what that was. (By this point I knew of queer, pan, polly, etc. Thanks to my sister and sam) but bisexual never sat well with me. Blah blah blah I got an online girl friend, lots of sexy thoughts with girls, many attractive females. And Ruby, my first female crush. She flirted a lot blah blah, I gota skip ruby to get to the important parts. By now I told my mom I was bisexual, and I thought I liked girls a little more but that still made me bi. But saying I was bi did not feel right, I had a conversation about ruby and sexuality with my mom and I told her how I felt she said not to label myself and I was too young to know for sure. Skip forward, lots of girl crushes later I am in 8th grade and I identify as homoflexible. I told my mom I met a cute girl when she picked me and my sister up from school the first day and she said "any cute guys" I said no and my little sister said "are you trying to make her like guys?!?!" Because my mom had done stuff like this before, several times before. And she said yes as I quote. "YES! I think you are doing this to be edgy" I said I had no sexual attraction towards guys, and she said "well you should not be putting yourself in that box so early. Okay. Liking girls is not putting myself in a box. She just wants a straight daughter she does not want 2 lgbt daughters (my oldest sister is lesbian) and now I am afraid she wont accept me and my girlfriends, or even my future wife.

I am afraid she'll only accept emily (the lesbian) so, for my parents I never talk about crushes because to my mom I'm too young. To her, I'm closeted