By

~

I don't know how to start, the beginning of my story isn't even the beginning, if that makes sense at all? You always get these stories of people knowing from a young age but I am not one of those people. I am not one of those lucky people.

I am a 16 year old girl trying to find herself at high school but flip have I found myself this year...

Let's try to start as close to my beginning as possible. My first crush was a guy who lived in another city, he was one of those blonde surfer dudes even at the age of 5. My first girl crush was when I was in grade 5. At the time I thought that I just felt really close to her but later on I realised that that was not the case. I was scared and confused. We hadn't had ' the talk ' yet so I had no idea what was going on. As a result, I pushed it away. Any feelings were suppressed because with the little I knew, I thought that girls were only meant to like boys. By the time grade 7 rolled around I had had a number of immature relationships with boys but something didn't feel right.

Then I met this girl in the middle of my grade 7 year, for safety reasons I'm going to call her Jem. She went to another school but then went to the same high school as me when we got to grade 8. I remember a question she asked me at one of our sleepovers, " Would you ever kiss a girl?"

I didn't think twice before I replied with a yes.

Fast forward through a whole lot of confusion to April this year. I met another girl who is in the grade above me. We worked at an endangered species center for a week. Every night we would stay up when everyone else went to bed. We spoke about random things, mainly her boyfriend. I was falling for her, hard. I tried to not show it by talking about this guy I was talking to. Two weeks after that, I was dating him.

It was great, he was my first kiss, my first serious relationship and many more. All through our relationship, my school was having talks on sexuality and I ticked all the boxes. I began to panic, a lot. I wanted to drop hints to Jem but her opinions scared me even more.

To make matters worse a new girl came to the school, Mary. She blew my mind. My first impression of her gave me butterflies. My thought at the time was, "Great, so I have two girl crushes, a boyfriend and a friend who doesn't approve of having a bisexual friend." My life was just daisies.

Then I began to rot. I couldn't hold it in and one night, at my friend's 18th, I told Jem and my other best friend Kyle. From there it spread to the rest of the 15 people at the party, including the birthday boy. Out of frustration I told my boyfriend the next day.

He broke up with me.

It was like being bisexual was a bad thing. I was gutted. It took so much for me to tell him and I cried for two weeks. In the mean time Kyle and surprisingly Jem were there for me, they still are.

Long story short, I have told another five people since my friend's 18th, one of those people being my sister and another being one of my cousins. Both asked if I would date a girl and obviously I said yes. What concerns them is that this is a faze ( which it is not ) mainly because I haven't kissed a girl. I responded with, " You knew you were straight before you even kissed a guy, how is it different to me? I am attracted to both girls and guys, I know it the same way that you know that you're straight."

I don't plan on telling my parents any time soon. They're a lot less open minded than they think. It makes me sad that it has become like this. They know that I'm hiding something but I can't tell them yet. That hurts me every day.

Right now I am happy with my sexuality, I have told the people that I wanted to tell and Mr Birthday Boy from earlier has been the most supportive and there may or may not be something happening between us... I

I am still a mess but either way I am as straight as a sin graph and I am proud to be. I am a 16 year old girl trying to figure herself out but I know that I am bisexual.