By

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At first, I thought I was a lesbian because I had a small crush on a girl. Not really a crush even. It's hard to explain. Whenever she leaned against me or touched me my heart sped up a little bit. (Don't ask who it is cuz I'm not telling) Anyways that label never seemed right to me. I was still kind of unsure. But I knew I wasn't straight. I pushed it to the back of my mind because I was scared of what it would mean.

For a while I had it pushed to the back of my mind, but I thought about it occasionally. I realized I was still attracted to boys. They were celeb crushes but I was still very much attracted to them. I changed my label to bisexual, but that still didn't feel right.

I really wanted to talk to my best friend about it, but I chickened out. I know she'll accept me because the only fanfics she reads on here are boyxboy ones and she's extremely supportive of this community, but it was still hard to say it out loud. I couldn't say it out loud. When I almost told her was the last time I'd see her for the whole summer. I saw her once more but that was when I dyed my hair and I didn't really have time to talk to her.

I once again pushed it to the back of my mind. Then I went to camp. Camp is my most favorite place on earth, and two of my best friends are there. One of them is a girl. But the other one is a boy. He started dating my friend halfway through the session. I felt this little twinge of jealousy but I pushed it down and out of sight. Whenever I saw him with his many possessive friends from the girl section of camp, I got jealous. Whenever he hung out with his girlfriend, I got jealous, which made me sure I still liked boys.

Anyways, I came back from camp, and I started reading the LGBTQ+ milestone book. I read about people who'd come out about being all kinds of things. When I read about people being pansexual I realized that was what I was. It really fit me too.

Next came telling people.

I was raised as a Christian but never super serious. My father always made it clear he would love us regardless of who we chose to love. My mother never made it clear but I'm pretty sure she's ok with it.

Even my church family, they're super accepting. I go to a Presbyterian church, and they've never spoken against homosexuality once in all the eight years I've been going there.

My school, well let's just say it has its fair share of homophobic people, but I have the most amazing group of friends, all of which I know will accept me once I tell them. I'm not afraid of being bullied. If people can't accept me for me that's their problem, not mine.

So far I've only told two people. A friend on here was the first one I told. I'll call her H here. I needed someone to explain my feelings to and I knew she'd accept me. My second friend who I told was one I knew personally. We've only been friends for a year but we're pretty close. Close enough that I trust her a lot. And I told her too. I told her in a weird way too. I sent her a picture saying "let's get one thing straight, I'm not" (I'll call her Emerson if I need to reference her)

Once I explained to her everything she was really cool about it, I'm glad she accepted it. I knew she would. She's the only one in my group I feel comfortable telling. I know none of my other friends are homophobic for a fact but I'm not ready just yet. I'm going to tell my best friend as soon as she gets back from camp.

I came out to my wattpad about a week or so after which included telling my sister and Emersons best friend. And I told my best friend and another close friend the day after that.

All my wattpad friends were very accepting of it and they all told me they didn't care. So thanks guys I really needed that I couldn't ask for better frenz.

My best friend was totally cool about it I told her and she hugged me then we started coming up with a plan of how I'm coming out which currently involves a confetti cannon and my closet.

I'm scared to tell my parents because I feel like they'll say I'm too young. I'm going to keep it Just between the friends I trust for now. But even with those people it's a huge weight off my chest to know I have someone to talk to and someone who's always there for me. Telling people made me feel so happy, like this weight was lifted off of my chest.

I know that was all over the place but that's just me writing. I'm always there for anyone who needs to talk.

~Sydney