By

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So- This is a bit strange. I know she's gonna read this but I don't want this to be a personal message. I want people to be able to learn and maybe get tips from this.

Anyways guys, my best friend, she read my first chapter and honestly, she couldn't have reacted any better. She wrote me that she read it and that my feelings which I am not even clear about aren't mutual. And I kind of expected that. She told me that she was sorta shocked and confused when she read it because she had never ever expected me to have a crush on her- or whatever the hell this is I'm feeling. She assured me that nothing has to change and that she's perfectly okay with this.

I'm so relieved to hear that and I hope she can forgive me that she had to find out this way, that I hadn't told her in person. But what can I say, I'm a coward and the reason I wrote this is that I thought maybe someone could tell me if I sound as if I had a crush on her because I sure as hell don't know, I've never been in love. There's so much going on in my life and I am constantly confused what to even think.

So guys if any of you have to deal with having a crush on someone or someone having a crush on you:

Please don't be like me and let them find out out of pure coincidence. Grow yourself some balls and tell them.

And if someone has a crush on you and you don't want to ruin your friendship by rejecting them do just as she has done because if the feelings aren't mutual that's exactly what that someone needs to hear to move on and get over it.

I, for myself, think that now I know for sure that nothing's gonna ever happen I can move on and don't have to wonder whether I feel something or not because there is no point in it. Our friendship is saved and so is my mind because I can worry about other things now as for how I'm gonna survive this one year until I turn 18 and finally get to get away from my family (especially my mom) and never ever have to see them again.

And half a year later when I've graduated I'm gonna tell my family "I am a proud member of the LGBTQ+ community, I'm moving to Ireland tomorrow and you can go fuck your selfies because I'm outta here."

So anyways guys, I am good now and I keep on fighting for my freedom. I would've never imagined that Wattpad could have such a great influence on my life but it did and I am greatful for it. You are all awesome lovable creatures.

X*x hailey