By

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Ok, so I guess I'll just go straight into it. I'm 13 years old, and I have no idea what I am. It started a couple of months ago when I realized my attraction to girls. I came out as bisexual to some of my close friends, but not my family. I used the term "bisexual" because I still felt like I was attracted to both genders. But about a month ago, I started developing a crush on my best friend, let's call her L. Obviously, I didn't tell her, as it would be awkward. Sure, she's bi, but we've been friends for a year now, I should mention that we're internet friends, and telling her would just ruin everything. Again. I've messed up a lot in our friendship, but that's for another time. Once I started realizing my feelings for her, I forced myself to like other guys, other girls, basically anyone but her. While doing that, I developed a crush on another girl, let's call her S, and a guy, let's call him J. S, she's very pretty, very funny, very smart and talented, but she reminds me of L. They have the same eye color, same hair color, they're the same age, basically they're completely the same, but when I talk to L, I feel happier and more comfortable than when I'm talking to S, so that's not really helping anything. Now back to J, he's a cool kid, lives right next to me, I know his sister, but I feel like I'm forcing myself to like him. We can't keep a conversation, I can't look him in the eye, I feel EXTREMELY uncomfortable around him, we barely know anything about each other, and whenever I see him my smile disappears. He's the exact opposite of L. This past week, I've realized my lack of attraction to boys, and my attraction to girls. Like I said, I consider myself bisexual, but am I really? It's like I'm forcing myself to be bisexual so I'm not "fully gay", that seems weird, but my family probably wouldn't like if I was bi, and they REALLY wouldn't like it if I was lesbian. I'm.... scared. I didn't think I'd ever have to think about stuff like this, considering I grew up with a christian family. I'm confused, I'm worried.....and I'm starting to accept that. It's not going that smooth, but it's.... going. Hopefully I'll keep going to.