~

So 7/28/17 is a year since I came out for the first time. A year since I trusted someone with who I really am. Through the year I've since been able to tell many of my friends. Which in turn were ( mostly) incredibly supportive. Both my parents know. My dad seems to be supportive but he doesn't really get it. I'm done with my mom. Seems to be that she's done with me herself. She's most definitely one of those " I'm sure its a phase" people. Well I can most certainly express that this is not a phase. In addition a few adults know but not many. I've known I was different since I was six. But it took me until middle of seventh grade to find words to put with my feelings. I'm gender fluid and pansexual. Seventh grade was a mixture of feelings for me. I did a lot of research which on one hand really helped but on the other I found the description to gender dysphoria. Which again, mixed feelings. It really helped to understand that what I was going through was real but it also made me more aware of the horrible feeling I get all the time. Everyone says that it will get better and I trust that. But its really hard because most of my friends try but they really don't get it. And its not the easiest thing to explain, trust me. This year I've gotten to know myself more but more importantly I've gotten to know other people more. I've bonded with people over being queer. But I've also grown to realize that not everyone feels the same way I do. I'm still in the process of accepting myself; flaws included. This year has been the best of the best and the worst of the worst. I had a lot of bonding moments and people just opening up and being 100% real and the best unscripted moments of compassion. On the other hand the gender dysphoria lead me to about the worst place I could be; wishing I was dead and cutting myself. While I wish I had respected my life more it forced me to open up a bit and ask for what I needed and realize that people are willing to help me. Throughout the year I felt like the general decision to come out was one that would benefit me in the long one. I do feel though that telling my mom was a bad idea (she told my dad without my permission.) Lesson to be learned, not everyone will react the way you think they will. My message to all LGBT people; Be yourself, you're true self. Don't shut yourself down to please anyone else. Nobody should be afraid to hold the hand of a person they love. Please don't let yourself get to a point where you think you're not worth it because YOU ARE. You are human. You are loved respected and cared for. The journey may be difficult but ( sadly) its what we feel we have to do to be accepted. The journey doesn't stop at coming out. My journey as a person does not stop until I draw my last breath. Even then my hope is that people will take my words ( I'm going to publish books soon) and keep them alive.

We all are more aware then we would like to be that life isn't fair but that doesn't mean we can't take what we were given, let it shine and enjoy every single moment.

This has been a year of being queer.