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I never really had a crush on a boy when i was younger but if i did people would always tell me they were gay. Last year in 8th grade a new girl came into my class let's call her star. From the first time i saw her I already took a liking to her and I wanted to befriend her so that's what i did. I would sit next to her in class and talk about random stuff. Somewhere like 2 months into the new school year I noticed I would act different around star, this made me thinking and then it dawned to me that I had my first real crush on a girl. At first I just tried to ignore this feelings which was kinda difficult since she was my only friend besides my twin sister on school....

A few months passed and this feelings didn't go away which kinda bothered me since star became my best friend... One day star told me she got a boyfriend, this news made me disappointed and sad but if she was happy I would try be 2. The first few months it was really difficult since she would talk a lot about her boyfriend and to be honest it made me feel depressed. For the second time I tried to ignore this feelings and before I knew the school year was over. (I knew that she likes boy and girls so that made it more difficult for me) in the summer break I would chat with her and hang out. the 6 weeks flew by and then i was back at school again. Unfortunately I still had that freaking crush on star and a year had already past since I first saw her. We still sat next to each other but nothing much happened. A few months later I finally decided I would tell my twin sister i had a crush on our best friend so i did. I found it really difficult to tell her since I don't really talk about my feelings and this was all new to me. It turned out she already knew i had a crush on her since the start because she is my twin sister, so she noticed my changes in behavior. It was relieving and it kinda felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. My foster mom started to ask if i had a boyfriend/girlfriend and she started to ask if i knew if i was gay,bi or trans (she only knew those 3 but my sister and told her more) this question kinda catched me of guard and I started thinking. I realized i was gay, at first I didn't want to accept it because I'm afraid of judgment. After a month or so I just accepted it since it's who i am and I never asked for other people's opinions so scratch them.

One day we had someone sleeping over and i said something which ended up with the person who was sleeping over know i have a crush on a girl. The worst part was that the girl knew my crush... I just broke down and started to cry because I didn't want that person to know -_-

Some More months past and I told my other best friend about my crush and my sexuality. She took it well and told us some stuff we didn't knew but I'm not gonna say those things since well i guess it would be kinda disrespectful to her.

At The beginning of this year my foster mom asked if she could have her iPad which i was borrowing for school but before I gave it to her I deleted the history. A day later she mentioned it at dinner and asked why i did that. (She thought i had watched porn or something but trust me I didn't) she wanted to talk about it after dinner so that's what we did. At one point we were back at the topic of our sexuality. She asked if u felt more masculine or feminine and if i had a crush on anyone. I told her i feel more masculine and at the crush question I stayed quiet so i gave my twin sister permission to tell her. So that's how she found out and she just acted like it was nothing. (I was crying since the situation became too Akward for me to handle) a few days later when i was in class I asked if my sister could send a message to our dad telling him I'm gay.

Tip: never come out to family while your in class :p

After a while my dad responded with: "I always knew sharpie* was into the rainbow's and Unicorn's"

(*thats my nickname)

This made me smile like a idiot :D i just felt so happy and accepted. Since it was almost valentines day and the people important in my life knew i was gay I decided to give something to my crush (i just told her we decided to give something to our friends) first i wanted to confess my feelings for her by buying a pokeball plush and attach a card to it. Then I would throw it at her and yell "I choose you!". after that i would run away but i was to scared and she still had a boyfriend so I just gave her rainbow candy :l. Till this day i still have a crush on her and it's been like almost 2 years... We don't know if star likes me or not. The only thing that could be a hint that she likes me Is that she drew two girls. One looked suspiciously a lot like me (glasses, poofy hair, super small) the other looked like her (long wavy hair, bangs, half deer "deer is a nickname we have for her") my twin sister also noticed it but I guess we will never know 🤔 right now I'm questioning my gender since I don't feel feminine at all and way more masculine but i guess I'll find out later thanks for reading :)