By

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I've been struggling with anxiety for years. It's always difficult for me to tell others things because I'm so scared that I'll upset them or that they'll be disappointed in me. It didn't help that I identify as male or that I like any person.

Last year, I cut my hair really short and started getting mistaken as a boy. It didn't make me mad; it made me feel really happy and confident in the way I looked. Whenever someone calls me he, him, sir, etc. I can't help but smile. I tell people that I'm not out to, "Well, am I a handsome guy?"

Anyways, back to the story. I kept this a secret from 99.9 percent of people. I only ever told my counselor at school and my best friends. I wanted to come out to my parents as their son, and my counselor encouraged me to write a letter to them, and so I did. I wanted to write something nice to my parents when I came out, but of course it didn't work that way.

My parents found out that I identify as male after I had a panic attack one night. I got my phone taken away and they combed through it, discovering the unfinished letter. My mom read all of it and kept asking me questions like, "Do you even know what transgender is??" Cue another panic attack. She told me that it was okay if I liked girls and guys, "but [I] was DEFINITELY not trans."

It hurt to have my feelings crushed like that, in all honesty. My parents don't treat me the same as before; they force me to wear feminine clothing and do "girly" things.

However, there was some good to the situation: my mom didn't kick me out, and she regretfully agreed to help me transition after I turn 20 (which is an offer I plan to cash in). But, for now, I'm still referred to as she and her. I just hope that my friends will accept me when I come out to them...!