《Book of LGBTQIAP+》How to Come Out to Your Parents

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Before I start this chapter, I'd like to apologise for not updating in so long. I published the last chapter on the 29th April, and the last time I even opened this book to edit it was to write chapter names for the ones I'm planning to write, and that was on the 10th July. It is now the 17th August.

I'd like to say that I was busy, but that's not the truth. I did have exams in between then and now, and I did have three music courses, but that was only a few weeks. I just haven't had motivation to write, and I'm sorry. I know that you guys enjoy reading this book, and I haven't given you anything new for nearly four months.

Please forgive me.

From Charlie.

P.S: If you haven't checked my profile in ages, I'm non-binary and I go by they/them pronouns.

***

I do already have a book on how to come out in fun ways to people, but this chapter is more serious.

Coming out to people can be scary, especially when it involves the people you depend on; for example, your parents or your foster carers.

1) Establish their views on the LGBTQIAP+ community.

— Try and remember any instances where they have said anything homophobic/transphobic.

• If they have multiple times, they are not supportive and I would not recommend coming out.

— Try and remember any instances where they have presented a positive view of us.

• If they have, it will most likely be safe to come out to them and they should support you.

2) Decide if you feel ready

— Ask yourself these questions:

• Would I feel comfortable with them knowing my sexuality/gender identity?

• Would they treat me in the same way as before? (This excludes acknowledgment of your sexuality.)

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• Do I feel okay with telling them?

• Will it be a relief to tell them?

— If the answer to any of these questions is no, you are most likely not ready, and you should probably wait until you feel more secure.

3) Come out

I just realised that I've never given a definition of coming out, so here it is:

"'Coming out' means telling someone something about yourself that isn't immediately obvious. In relation to sexual orientation and gender identity, this means sharing with others that you are lesbian, gay, bi and/or trans (LGBT)." — Stonewall

If it is specific to your sexuality or gender, this process can also be referred to as 'coming out of the closet'.

In my opinion, a good way to come out to your parents is to sit them down to talk. Tell them that you want to have a serious conversation with them, and that it's important.

I'm going to write an example of what you could say.

You: Excuse me? I'd like to tell you guys something important.

Them: Okay.

You: Okay.

You: *takes deep breath*

You: This is difficult for me to say, because I've been hiding it for a long time. I hope that you will both still love me and accept me for who I am. I'm... (*insert sexuality/gender here*).

This is fairly basic, and the conversation will almost definitely be more complicated than this.

Key points to remember:

1) If they are homophobic/transphobic, it is best not to come out. Especially if you think that they might kick you out.

2) If you suspect that they may have a bad reaction, pack a go-bag with essentials that you can take with you if they kick you out.

3) Only come out for you. Don't do it because someone else tells you to, or because your parents force it out of you. Coming out affects you the most.

I hope this helped; and good luck to everyone who comes out to their parents in the future!!!

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