By

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Hello, my name is Precious, and I identify as bisexual.

The word "Gay" never really came up to me growing up, and when I heard it, I usually got grossed out.

This is because my family is the type of family that say being gay is a "disease", a "mental disorder". Since I'm Christian, there's this story they always brought up, where they tell me that God destroyed a whole city of gay people. Honestly, I still didn't feel like I should change my sexuality, because at the end of the day, I still liked both girls and boys.

And I wasn't really ashamed of it, although I would always wonder what would happen if I were to come out to my family. I would always come to the conclusion that they would disown me. But I always tell myself that I wouldn't care. But I know I would, because I love my family very much and to lose them over something like that.... It's just seemed dumb to me.

There was a time when I was with my first boyfriend, and while I was still questioning who I was in terms of sexuality, I jokingly said that if I were to turn gay for anyone, it would be for this one girl that I thought was really cool. He, being over-religious, said that if I were to turn gay, I would be turning my back on God. I never thought that way, I always thought God would understand my feelings and then there was something else I never understood: Just because someone is gay, it somehow restricts them from worshipping God. I don't get that, because I never thought that loving someone of your same sex would stop you from going to church every Sunday, or from reading the Bible and praying every night.

While me and my first boyfriend we're going through some problems, I lost feelings for him after a year, and while I was planning to break up with him, I had already determined that I was bi and came out to my close friends soon after. I then went out with a girl I had met online, since I had had sights on her quite awhile. Unfortunately, it couldn't last as long as I had hoped, since our distance was too great. I had then developed feelings for both my male and female best friends. During that time, my ex had found out that I had came out as bi. I didn't want him to, because I knew he would judge me, and all I wanted us to be were friends.

He told me that through "resources", he had heard a rumor that I was bi, which of course wasn't a rumor, and asked me if it was true. I of course said yeah, because what's the point of lying?

He asked me if I still believe in God, and I, of course, said yes. When we went to school the next day we talked about it, and he said he was disappointed. Honestly, I didn't care that much, because I knew he was bound to judge me, like he always did. But after that talk, we never really talked again, even though we mutually said we could be friends. And I hate that a whole friendship could have been ruined just because he found out about what I felt. When I tried to make conversation, he would never really listen to me. I just wish more people like him would understand that just because you love the same sex doesn't shadow your personality.

And I always hope that one day we really can be friends again.

But that won't change who I am. I am attracted to both males and females, and I don't feel bad about it.

Because I know I still worship God, even more than before, and it will never change.

So, to sum it all up

IM BI AND IM REALLY PROUD