By

~

My birth name is Justine.

I prefer to be called Jay.

I didn't know the term 'transgender' until I was about 12.

I told my mom how I felt, that I felt that I was a boy, not a girl and she immediately shot that 'idea' down.

She told me that I was too young to decide. That I wasn't finished going through puberty so that I didn't know.

That kept me in the closet for some time.

I didn't like my name, it felt wrong.

Too feminine.

So I tried out the name Justin and it still felt wrong.

When I was 14, I went to this summer day camp.

I thought "this can be my chance to start over, with new people"

So I tried out the name Jay and I felt comfortable using that name.

I binded and wore loose shirts and shorts so that people (hopefully) wouldn't misgender me.

I asked one of the camp counselors, Vincent, there to call me Jay and he did that immediately.

I cannot describe how amazing that made me feel.

But then it was time to go swimming.

I don't use public restrooms because of fear basically.

I didn't know which locker room to use. Everyone else was in and I was standing there, getting nervous and thinking 'which one should I go into'

Then Vincent said "Com'on Jay" or something along those lines and he let me in the guys locker room.

I was relief when I didn't have to swim.

He continues to called me Jay and by my preferred pronouns, which are he/him even though I didn't tell him anything.

On the last day of camp I told him that I was a transgender male, female to male.

And what he said completely blew my mind.

"I know"

*explodes*

Now I would end it there, but it does not end there.

I asked my mom to call me Jay and she said "enough with this guy crap Justine, this is getting ridiculous"

Again she shot my down.

I am 15 now and she still called me by my birth name.

I am not on any hormones and I don't have a binder

But things may change in the future.

Thanks

~Jay