By

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Hello, lovely people!

This won't be a story about a brave trans* person that finally was able to get a binder or someone who came out and was accepted by their family although they seemed homophobic. Also, my coming out story isn't that special.

I'll but a lil trigger warning for people that are very easily triggered.

About myself:

I'm agender, Polyamory Polyromantic Asexual.

Actually, the term Librafluid would've fitted me more, but I find it unnecessary.

It took me long to figure out what and into what I am, so here's the short version.

I had a boyfriend once. Yes, I'm not proud of it. But the year I was with him, was the first year I questioned myself.

And I figured out: no, I'm not a girl.

I hated my body, now I had the reason why.

"I'm not a girl"

"Yes you are, you are my girl :)"

I hated it.

I hated myself, my body.

But the next question came.

Am I a boy?

No, I'm not. I tried the term on myself, but I wasn't happy, "boy" just doesn't fit. I don't feel like it.

I looked some things up, eventually I found the term "third gender". Neither boy or girl, perfect.

But my boyfriend was in the way.

"You are a girl, you can't change that. I think everyone feels like that sometimes"

My friends.

"Stop crying, you are a girl, there is not such thing as 'third gender'"

It made me uncomfortable. Anxious. Triggered my anxiety. My self harm.

Then, I found my way into the LGBTQ+ community and the term gender fluid.

Yea, heck, I'm both. If they tell me I'm a girl, I am a girl, but not only a girl.

But I knew, that I'm not.

Over the year, I became more and more familiar with more and more terms, masculine agender, Agender, Librafluid. I slipped deep into the Tumblr.

Yea, I guess I'm not proud. At least not anymore after I saw how many people hated the "special snowflakes".

I changed friends at that time and I was used to telling them about my gender and sexuality which was bisexual at that time. But now I'm dead silent, especially after I came out to my parents as Polyromantic Asexual with a simple letter and they told me to be careful to whom I talk about this, since people would judge me.

I noticed after being bi for a while, that I was attracted to more than just males and females, everything feminine was Sexy. So, I decided for Poly.

But I never understood how you can feel sexual attraction to someone. When I became familiar porn I didn't understand it. Why? A joke? Was it a joke? Was my brain a joke?

I looked it up, I wasn't insane, I was just asexual.

A nice term, I love it, probaly more then Polyromantic or agender.

I'm polyamory because I doomed to fall for more people at the same time, but I have a lovely girlfriend now and I swore that I'll never start a Polyamorous relationship.

She gives me strength and light between my anxiety and stress I have because of all this I told you and more.

I don't consider the LGBT as part of my life like many do, because I need to hide it. It makes me anxious and makes me feel bad.

But deep inside, I'm proud to be.

Proud to have my girlfriend.

Proud to love two persons at a time right know.

Proud to have to answer to multiple names.

Yes, I'm truly proud to be, although I pretend I'm not.