By

~

I define good looks to be what initiates communication

Attraction is commonly aesthetic in nature, is it not?

In small talk may bud fondness

In fondness may bud friendship

For her, June, our first meeting was rather distasteful might I say

I disliked her instantly

Perhaps my expectations for her were not met

She's not the prettiest girl apparently

But no, my lack of adoration was not because of her looks

It was because I misjudged her persona

I pegged her for a spoilt, untrue, and judgmental rich girl who hasn't touched dust in her life

It turned out that I was the judgmental one

Friendship with her came naturally

She never runs out of things to discuss

She vomits words

That there is communication

And from that sprung an unexpected friendship

One to last until death

Or so I say

However, something more developed

A one-sided love

For months I admired her in secret

Until of course I decided that I must tell her

For my own benefit

To get rid of all the "what ifs"

To free myself at last

I poorly braced myself for the outcome

After all, it will either turn out good or bad

And I am hoping, believing that it will be alright

After my bold confession of my love for her, I'm afraid our friendship vanished

She was surprised, questioning

And, maybe disgusted as well

You see, she doesn't like me

Not in a romantic way

She likes bad boys and not tough girls like me

And I've always known

And I always disregarded that knowledge

It was a domino effect from then on

Toppling over every single second chance that I may have

So much trouble

All because of this glimmer of hope

Maybe, just maybe, she might feel attraction to another girl

And I will be accepted

Like I always have been

There's a little gayness in all of us

At least that's what they say

Boy was I wrong

So I was left with an inevitable action

One that I'm very good at

It's a peculiar gift of mine

To turn someone invisible

But only to my eyes

Not entirely true of course

Just play pretend that somehow, June doesn't exist

Never have

It would be difficult for the both of us

Not to mention that she's a person who values friendship greatly

And I'm someone with a tight grip

I should thank her too

For the laughs as it's what we always do

On a brighter side, I'm done with my initiation

Of life's cruel comedy that we must go through

To love someone who will not love us back

To get hurt because of a heartbreak

But I am proud of myself

I experienced a lot of firsts

June was my first straight girl crush

My first love

First rejection

First heartbreak

I have confessed my feelings

I broke my heart

I made a few poems out of it

And now I am fine

Or am I truly?