By

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What is it to be LGBTQ+ ?

Is it a result of attraction?

Is it a matter of opinion? Or perhaps it's a phase, a curiosity, a time of confusion.

All of these things I've been asked. I don't see why it should matter what it is, it is what it is. Whether the person really is LGBTQ+ or considering whether or not they have one of the sexualities included, or even experimenting just because they can, it does not matter.

I always had what, looking back at it, I would call hints when I was younger. Before I knew what sex was, I made my Barbie dolls be in relationships together. Ken was still an option as a boyfriend though. I never said that my dolls were girlfriends, I wasn't aware of homosexuality at this age. I had family friends who were a few years older than me and they would play this way too. I don't know their reasoning for it but they played like it with me as well. I enjoyed these types of playing. If my Barbies weren't kissing then me and the friend would be sharing childish quick pecks. When I learned what sex was I integrated it into my playing, partly to understand it better and partly to give my Barbies that next step in their relationships. I still didn't know about homosexuality as it wasn't a part of the Sex Education curriculum. I stopped seeing the family friends I had, grew out of my Barbie dolls and stopped with the small lesbian acts. Until I got a bit older...

I had my first kiss when I was when I was 11. It was a girl. At the time she was my best friend actually. She never saw it as any different, just 'playing around' but I saw it as more. I liked it. I wanted to do it more and we did but like I said, it didn't mean anything to her. When I kissed a boy for the first time in the same way, I felt that my kiss with the girl had been more special. Perhaps because it wasn't something people 'normally' do. I realise this is awkward wording, it was just how I thought of it at the time. Me having a sexuality other than straight never occurred to me.

For the next three years, I only dated boys. I never did anything else with a girl. Girls never meant anything to me in a 'love' way. Then I met her...

...She became my friend and is currently the one I call my best friend. I didn't think of her as any different for a long time. I had another close friend. It was both of these friends that made me realise there may be something more to me than just a straight girl. I thought about it for a whole year. The more I thought about it the more I realised how much these two girls meant to me. It was the September/ October following this year of thinking that I told my friends of my bisexuality. They were perfectly fine with it and told me they'd love me the same. I told my parents a month later, they said it doesn't matter to them and that I "turn out how I turn out". Yet, I was also told that I'd be more respected if I said I was a lesbian because then I'd "know what I want".

This crushed me. It was taken back though but my parents still think I'm just confused. I know I'm not though. One of the girls, the close friend, turned out to be just a crush that passed as time went on but a year later I still care for the other girl - I still love my best friend. She says she loves me too, we both have the same sexuality and it was through each other we finally realised who we truly are.

A few of the boys at school began to call me a lesbian but I just laughed, they couldn't even get the right sexuality to make fun of me with. After a while, it all blew over and people stopped asking me questions about it. I had to explain many times that it is possible to be attracted to more than one gender and that there is just as much validity with other sexualities as there is with being gay and lesbian.

I hope that people will realise this one day. I saw a post online describing bisexuality, you might've seen it before. It's the one about loving donuts and always eating donuts no matter what the other dessert options are and one day seeing this amazing cake. You still like donuts but you just have to have this cake. Once I read that I used it to describe bisexuality to everyone who asked me about it, this can be used with other sexualities as well, like pansexuality, by adding more foods.

Most people were very accepting with me when I 'came out' as bisexual. I think that society as a whole is becoming more accepting towards the LGBTQ+ community. It's important to remember though that straight people deserve to be accepted as well. I'm not saying that people who are LGBTQ+ aren't accepting of straights but some people do forget that by promoting LGBTQ+ it could shame those who are straight. Before anyone can accept you for who you are, you first have to accept yourself.

Why?

Because acceptance is key.

~Ashbashg.