By

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My name is Ivy. Well, not really, but I prefer this than my actual name.

My story is weird , because while I was discovering something new about myself, something felt no right.

When I was like 5 years old, I like this girl call "X" . She was pretty and nice and I thought " if I were a boy I would love to be her boyfriend. "

I never understood those thoughts, because everywhere around me people would always be Like "Who's the BOY you like ? " So I kinda denied the feelings for the girl during primary school.

In 7th grade, I met this girl call "Y" and I only knew that the only thing that I wanted was to spend the bigger amount of time possible. But I was raised in a Catholic school so I never thought about being bisexual. Cause I 've like boys too.

The next three years where really confusing because the bisexual girls that I met where bullies so I thought that I would became one and I didn't want that for myself!

Then... I move to Idaho. The second house of the Mormon community, and they almost convinced me that boys only should be dating girls and vice-versa. There was this friend of mine that saw two girls kissing and she said "Oh my gosh , that's disgusting " . And I didn't think so much about it. But that comment did feel wrong for me. I mean. ..free country, you guys !

Then I moved back and realised that I was falling for my internet friend, "Z". We were kinda dating but no really. And now another girl call "A". Because I'm tired of boys.

And then , I realised I was not feminine at all! Is not that I didn't feel like a girl , but I didn't feel just a girl. I would behave like a girl at some point but I had boy behaviour like always. Wouldn't sit up straight, wouldn't cross my legs, wouldn't like shopping, and of course , the hair. I used to think that my hair looked prettier being long and now that is short, I LOVE IT!

I'm not trans, but not completely a girl. Told ya it would be weird! I don't know if someone would ever understand me, I hope so, but for now, I'm just me. Not labelled at any point and trying to understand myself .