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So my first lesbian crush was on a girl , whom we will refer to as Eliza (though that is not her real name .). She was and still is cute and funny and brave, and I really like talking to her about Dan and Phil, Harry Potter and memes. She would lay her head on my lap and shoulder and I thought it was adorable , and one day when she was doing this I realized "holy pineapple pie , I'm in love!". Now, afraid of judgement from my peers and parents, I kept it locked up and denied my love for her. But then, one day, I texted my friend, lane, and she talked about how she also had a crush on a girl, and accepted myself, because I know it's normal for people to love , even if it's of the opposite gender. I've never told my friends, or my parents, or anyone except my internet friends. I don't know if I'll ever tell them, but one day I was close to telling Eliza. But then she ironically said she'd found a secret admirer note with a bucket load of Harry Potter puns . She said "but none of the guys in our class like Harry Potter" and I said "what if it's a girl?"

Her reaction was unexpected , or at least to me anyway.

"EW!"

She just blurted this out, earning approving nods from our other friends . So for a long time, I accepted "she's homophobic, and I don't have a chance with her.".

Until one day , I was talking with a group of friends and one said "septiplier!" A ship we all knew was gay. But to my surprise, Eliza yelled "HECK YEAH!"

And then my heart lifted .

I have a shot with her, she's not homophobic!

So now I just gotta wait until I'm ready to tell her myself.

Having crushes is complicated .