By

~

When I was younger like around 8 or 9, I started to go to a Jewish school located in Nevada. I had lost my mother to a heart attack which I basically half died inside trapping my orientation with it. Once I joined the school which is called the Adelson Educational Campus, I felt an attraction to a girl (which became my girlfriend) and a guy (which was the lower school bully) that had everything like in someone and an added bonus of looks. I of coarse defended my girlfriend cause she was my first priority in everything, she was the stars guiding me through the night. I had to act like a man even though I'm just a twig compared to him. Skipping to a little later since it's just rinse and repeat for a long time so to the next year shall we?

I did enjoy my summer break very well but my first day was very very bad, it's like you lost someone important in your life cause that's exactly what happened to me. My only parent left (my father) died on August-24-2012 which was the first day of school according to where I went. I had support from every single person from school, but they weren't enough to cure me of my depression and my own internal death cause I too died with my father. My girlfriend did her best to make me happy but I could only give off a fake one. It's been like that until Christmas Eve which is where I was adopted by my aunt and uncle that live in Washington! The only sad part was that I had to break up with my girlfriend and I never get to see my old friends again.I was adopted later sometime in June which made it official that I had a new family. I was an outcast straight from the start which being the only person I actually have a connection with was my step brother. I lived like that for 4 and 1/2 years and now I'm 13 and in 7th grade in a school where there's 1/3 of the students are apart of LGBT. Still living the same but the only different thing is that I've come back to life but in two completely different people. I two sets of personalities (if you've read Stray Suit Deck it's explained there) my school personality is gay and morbid with a bright big smile on my face when I talk about my depression. My after school personality is just someone who shuts the door on everyone's face and never tells anyone about my problems. I have people who know about it and say something along the lines of "hey what if your bi?" Well I took that to the next level and asked my group to do a test with me. I got a guy (I know personally) and a girl who was in the group. I hugged both of them on different days to let my feelings die down so the test won't get soiled. The results were the same and I am respected for being me and some of the others in my group came out like one of them is lesbian and another is bi also! Long story short I don't care what others feel, I want to be whole again! I want to be happy along my friends, and I don't want to EVER feel like my old split and internally dead self again. I am out of my room and into the fresh open air and I am finally able to accept myself for who I really am.