《Breaking Hermione》Wasted Love

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Hermione P.O.V

I woke up the next morning to sunshine streaming in through the hospital window onto my bed. It would've been nice if it wasn't followed by a surge of fevered anxiety as I woke that caused me to bolt straight up as if I'd just been electrocuted.

I was in the past. I was in Tom's time.

Most mornings since I arrived in the past was the same. I would wake up to crippling anxiety about the mission I was on and would have to take a minute or two to calm myself. But I couldn't afford to panic. I was stressing out so much I was starting to worry about my health. I hadn't been eating properly. I only began to realise when I skipped breakfast three days in a row. But try as I might I couldn't stop the terrible memories from coming back of the events that had already unfolded and now I had more to worry about. Shalini was dead. Jade had left Hogwarts. And it was my fault.

Thinking about yesterday made the floodgates of everything that had happened come rushing back. Tom sitting beside me, talking to me. Getting angry when I defended Dumbledore. Dismissing me for trying to tell him that he didn't have the ability love. I didn't understand why he wouldn't for a moment even entertain the concept of the effects of the love potion he was conceived under. I didn't know what motivated him to be so touchy when it came to discussing it, either.

In the end I settled on one conclusion: he must've been scared. Although it was hard for me to envision such a fearsome, emotionless person like Tom showing signs of fear. Could his behaviour have been brought up by uncertainty? Both made sense to me. After all, I too would get upset if I was dealing with something I didn't have the ability to comprehend.

I slid out of bed, stretching very carefully. It felt as though I had been hit by the Hogwarts Express at close range, every part of my body ached with incredible pain. But on the bright side I was alive. And I might not have been if it wasn't for Tom's quick thinking and expert magical skill.

Even though I was grateful my heart was heavy as I trudged slowly out of the Hospital Wing, quietly giving thanks to Madam Pomfrey as I opened the door and left. I was meant to still be recovering, but I couldn't bear the thought of sitting in a bed all day doing nothing while I was on a mission. I couldn't live in the past forever. And I hated the thought I had to return to the present day. Because for some reason....

A definite part of me was growing roots in this place, and settling in. Just as if I was the student who I had told everyone I was. Hermione Granger, the "Pure Blood" Slytherin. The one who became Tom's girlfriend. The girl he asked to dance at the ball, and even pursued as though in love.

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Deep down I secretly desired Tom to admit his feelings towards me. And I despised myself for it. I was supposed to be in a relationship with Ron Weasley for crying out loud. What the hell was wrong with me? I was basically cheating on him, falling for Tom Riddle in every way. Completely. Hook, line and sinker. It was working out to be just as I had stupidly predicted it wouldn't. My life was a mess, and I had thrown all my morals away and was left to pay the hefty price for it.

"You deserve this." I said to myself, walking aimlessly towards the Slytherin corridor. "You brought this on yourself."

"Talking to yourself are we?" I jumped out of my skin. Mere metres away the Slytherin House ghost the Bloody Baron was drifting across the corridor, giving me one of those are you insane looks which I always associated with Tom Riddle.

"I always find that blaming yourself doesn't get anywhere." He told me matter of factly as he floated past. "If you blame others, you won't have to feel bad."

"That's not very responsible though, is it?" I snapped. "And not to mention it's far from mature."

I walked off, his horrible laughter resounding in my ears even when I closed the door to the Slytherin Common Room behind me.

Xavier Malfoy and Daniel Dolohov were hanging out on the sofas by the fireplace when I entered, both looking up as I approached.

"Have you seen Tom?" I asked them. Xavier ignored me.

"He's up in his room." Daniel answered. "He's been up there for most of the morning. He didn't even come down for breakfast."

"Oh." I faltered for a moment. That wasn't a good sign.

Xavier finally looked at me, his light eyes appearing darker than normal.

"Shalini is dead." He said to me, his voice was thick with anger. "We don't know who did it. But it doesn't take much to guess..." His eyes flickered up the staircase. "If anyone deserved to die around here it should have been you, Granger." He stood, Daniel standing as well putting an arm out to block him.

"Xavier, shut up mate. It's not her fault." He defended me.

"Like hell it isn't." Xavier shook him off angrily. "She is the reason all of this shit started in the first place! We wouldn't be in this situation at all if she hadn't come here."

I looked down at my hands feeling uncomfortable.

"I was unconscious when it happened." I said. "I had no idea what happened to Shalini until a while after when... someone told me about it. And if I did know something like that would happen to her, I would've tried to stop it." I said honestly. Even if I didn't like her I didn't want her to die.

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"Yeah. Right." Xavier rolled his eyes.

"I'm not going to stay here and argue with you about this." I said, anger starting to get the better of me.

I walked over to the stairs, my heart starting to beat erratically in my chest. What I would give to throw these feelings away once and for all...

"I wouldn't go up there if I was you." Daniel called. "He's not in the best of moods."

"I think I can manage." I said tightly. "But thank you anyway."

I walked the stairs quickly. I didn't want to stay in the Common Room to listen to Xavier's accusations. I knew I was partly to blame, and the thought wasn't making me feel any better. If I didn't take Selise's dress to begin with Tom wouldn't have flown into a bloodthirsty rage and murdered Shalini. And Jade would still be at Hogwarts finishing her education.

I took a deep breath walking down to the furthest end to Tom's door. I reached out a hand and twisted the doorknob. It was closed fast. I knocked twice.

"Hello?"

There was no answer.

"Tom?"

Still nothing.

I pulled my wand out of my sleeve and pointed it at the door. "Alohom-"

"It isn't very polite to break into people's rooms without permission." A low voice cut over me.

I spun around to find Tom standing like a shadow behind me with his arms crossed, his expression was mildly surprised and also... irritated?

"Where have you been?" I asked, all other thought temporarily gone from my head.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Tom stared down at me, no traces of any emotion in his eyes. "It's quite funny, really. There's not many places in this School I could have been. It's a average sized Castle after all." He spoke to me like I was stupid.

I was silent. He was definitely not in a good mood.

"What are you doing here?" Tom asked after a pause. "Have you researched the side effects of Love Potions yet?" His dark eyes were shining a merciless black as they stared down at me.

"No. I've only just come out of the Hospital Wing." I said. "I haven't had time to do anything except come here and find you."

Tom gave a short, cold laugh.

"Well perhaps you had better find something better to do than to bother me." His tone was ruthless and unforgiving. "I have things to do. I don't have time for you right now, Hermione."

He turned to open his door, I reached out and grabbed his arm. I felt his body stiffen imperceptibly beneath my hand.

"I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong." I demanded.

A moment passed, and then Tom pulled his arm away from me roughly. "Get the fuck off me."

"You make no sense." I said trying really hard to be calm. "So I can hang out with you for every day for months but today you decide it's going to be some big issue for you?"

A look of pure anger flashed over Tom's features.

"What makes you think I want to have you in my company, Hermione?" He turned to look at me, I could see my wide eyes reflected in the bottomless pit of his own.

"I actually thought I had made a worthwhile investment with you." He said, the words stinging as they hit me. "But all you've done is deflect everything I've tried to teach you. I can't be bothered with you anymore. You're wasting my time. Your ignorance astounds me. You're a goddamn idiot."

"You're ridiculous." I snapped. "You haven't taught me anything, so it's a bit far fetched to call it a damn investment. But then again I guess you've been too busy being a mindless psychopath to have really tried." I was too hurt to inject any venom into my words, they came out of my mouth sounding dull and lifeless.

"Don't you ever use your brain?" Tom said, not missing the chance to twist the knife in further. "Don't you see what I've become? I'm working harder than all of you, prospering every day, reaching heights of magic you will never know. My powers are increasing by the day. And what are you doing? You're running after me like a lap dog after a Muggle. Why don't you find something more productive to do with your time?"

"Maybe I will." I said quietly. "Because Clearly you're a lost cause."

Tom gave a derisive laugh. "I am not the problem here. I am so fucking tired of the incompetence of people such as yourself. There's a damn reason I'm always alone. I'm better off on my own path without hindrances like you in my way all the time."

"Listen," I said as he turned and reached for the door again. He paused for a moment. "You have a limited perception of me. And of Magic. No great wizard was ever as damn clueless as you."

"Out of all the things you could say..." Tom dragged a hand through his hair. "You know nothing about greatness. Perhaps if you did, we might actually end up on the same page for once."

He entered his room, leaving me standing in front of his closed door tears in my eyes.

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