"You seriously called at twelve?"

"Thank you...for everything. You sent me flowers."

"GREAT! I FEEL...GROWN UP. Which is exactly what I felt when I was ten."

"We suck."

"When I went downstairs earlier, I thought the flowers were from my dad to my step mom but she said it was for me and I was like...MY BOYFRAND IS SO SWEET. YAS."

"...Eh. We walked for a while...she was a little 'hurt' that I didn't tell her that I was dating. But it's getting easier to tolerate her...she was hammering me with questions though."

"You...I told her the basic stuff. His name is Chance...goes to college...eighteen...in love with me...really fucking hot...AND HE WAS COMPLETELY FREE. ORDER NOWWWW."

"SORRY LADIES. NO REFUNDS. He's all mine."

"You know it...Oh! I forgot that I told her one last thing."

"That we have a child."

"I KNOW. I KNOW. IT JUST SLIPPED."

"Or course not! That'll be too much to handle."

"You played along."

"You're literally the best."