《Lilac's Lies》41
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I looked at Khalil, wanting to answer but not having enough breath to form words just yet.
"I mean, why were you with Roman Richardson? Don't you know? He's... his brother is the guy from the accident!" Khalil exclaimed, causing me to narrow my eyebrows.
"No one told me. I thought that's what you were trying to tell me." I finally said, taking deep breaths between words.
"No, Lilly, I thought you knew," Khalil let go of my back, rubbing his forehead. "And why are you still with Jesse? You need to leave him."
"You know I can't, Khalil," I said, though even as I said the words, I realized I was unaware of how much Khalil knew. He was someone that was around us frequently, but not someone I ever cared to think about. In truth, maybe he didn't know. But if that was the case, why did he want me to break up with Jesse?
"What? Why not?" Khalil asked me, confirming my suspicions.
"Because I can't," I muttered, the sinking feeling of having to tell more lies erupting in my stomach.
"Lilly, it doesn't matter. You need to break up with him. Like, now, right now. He's not a good guy, you can't stay with him," Khalil looked at me, and he surprised me by reaching out and wiping the tears I didn't know had fallen from my eyes.
"What are you talking about?" I asked him, "you two were friends. Khalil, I don't understand. What is this all about?"
"You have to know by now, Lilly. I told you to read the article," Khalil told me, causing me to groan in frustration.
"No, Jesse took it. He took it Khalil and I couldn't read it!" I raised my voice at him, wondering what the hell was going on.
"Wait," Khalil moved his hand away from my face, which I had barely realized had been lingering on my skin. "Jesse saw it? Does he know that I gave it to you?"
"What? I don't know," I said, watching as Khalil's face paled as if the thought of Jesse knowing scared him. "Khalil, just tell me what's going on."
"I can't, Lilly, I wish I could. I wish so badly that I could." Khalil stood to his feet, running his hands through his hair.
"No," I whispered, looking up and him and watching as he paced. "No! I'm sick of this. Everyone is lying to me! No one is telling me the truth. Everyone is playing with me. I can't do this anymore. I can't do it," I told him, the tears streaming down my face and I wasn't sure how they kept coming. How was I able to produce any more tears? Shouldn't I be dried up by now?
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I jumped to my feet, following Khalil as if he was a puddle of water in the desert that I needed desperately to survive.
"Khalil, you need to tell me. Tell me what's going on," my words were strained, coming out like I was losing my voice.
The panic was back, pumping through my veins like it belonged there. I could feel the dizziness start to form in my head, like the buzzing of a thousand bees in my ears. Khalil was looking at me with pity, his eyes darting around my face like what was shown on it was breaking his heart.
"What the hell is going on?" Jesse's voice entered my ears, causing the adrenaline in my blood to spike even further.
"Fuck," Khalil cursed, and I could tell by the look on his face that he wanted it to be anyone else besides Jesse.
"What is going on?" I looked only at Khalil, though I heard Jesse's footsteps coming closer. "Tell me, Khalil. I'm begging you."
"I can't," Khalil whispered to me, his eyes only remaining on me for a second. "I can't, Lilly, I'm so sorry."
Anger pumped through me this time, meeting the panic and fear dead on. There was too many things flowing through me right now, my body felt strained like it was experiencing too much to contain.
"What the fuck are you doing Khalil?" Jesse yelled out, coming into my vision. He didn't look any worse for wear than he already did this morning, so I'm assuming he and Roman didn't end up throwing punches like they wanted to.
"Jesse, bro, calm down," Khalil raised his hands in front of him like he was trying to calm Jesse. "I was just helping her."
"No, I don't think that's what's going on." Jesse said, his tone was laced with venom.
"Jesse," I started.
"Shut the fuck up, Lilly. All you do is cause me all these fucking problems!" Jesse yelled at me, causing me to back away from him.
"Don't talk to her like that, man," Khalil spoke to Jesse, though his voice was weak.
"You're pathetic. You're fucking pathetic, Khalil." Jesse said, taking another step towards Khalil. "You told her, didn't you?"
"Told me what?" I yelled at them, but neither of them looked towards me.
"No, no... I didn't Jesse. I didn't tell her, I swear." Khalil protested, backing away from Jesse.
"Tell me what!" I yelled again, desperate for an answer. Though it was futile, they seemed to forget I was in the room.
"You're lying. You're lying! What happened to the boys, huh? You get close enough to pussy that you forget all about that? Don't think I don't know how you feel about Lilly. The only person who doesn't know is Lilly!" Jesse yelled at Khalil, who looked at me with guilt on his face.
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"What? What are you guys talking about. Please, someone tell me what's going on?" I asked again, the dizziness only increasing with the confusion going through me.
"I didn't tell her, Jesse, I promise." Khalil told him, shaking his head.
"You know what will happen if you did, right? That little video I have of your dad fucking that whore will go straight to your mom." Jesse threatened, seemingly not caring that I was hearing it too.
"What?" I muttered, though it was clear no one was hearing me. My head was starting to spin, a rushing noise filling my ears.
"Jesse, don't. I didn't tell her anything." Khalil was begging Jesse with his eyes, "please."
Jesse was quiet as he closed the distance between them. He stared Khalil down, before bring his fist back and throwing it at Khalil. I heard the sound of his fist meeting Khalil's face. It seemed to hit at the perfect spot, Khalil crumbling like a tower that had been demolished.
I gasped as I watched him hit the floor, backing as far away as I could until my back hit the cool porcelain of the sink behind me. Jesse shook his head, looking at Khalil's body with disgust before he turned towards me.
"What did he tell you?" He ordered, walking towards me, filling me with fear.
"Nothing," I squealed, knowing the look in his eyes.
Jesse didn't stop until he was right in front of me. I felt his breath on my face as he stared at me, sharp exhales leaving his mouth. I couldn't bear to look at him, so I turned around and stared at the mirror instead.
Jesse didn't bother to stop me, his hand creeping out towards my exposed neck as he traced the baby hairs that lined it.
"Tell me what he told you," Jesse whispered, his voice vibrating against my ear.
"He said nothing," I muttered, the emotions inside me taking control. I could barely see myself in the mirror through the tears. Like the whole world was shaking, my vision was blurry. My body started to vibrate right along with it, the fear and panic taking their place with the adrenaline.
"He's a liar," Jesse muttered. "He's a liar just like you are. He's a murderer too, just like you. You're worthless now, Lilly. Worthless. You have no future. No one to love you. No one to believe. You only have me."
I stared at myself in my eyes through the mirror, his words travelling into my body to where I could internalize them.
I hated him. I hated him so much. I've never hated anyone more than I hate Jesse. Except, maybe myself.
I could feel the red hot anger take over me, and I raised both of my hands from where they were resting on the sink. I curled my fingers into fists and without thinking, I thrust them as hard as I could into the mirror.
Instantly, just like my life, the glass shattered. It cut me as it went, slicing my skin like it was made of tissue paper. I didn't feel the pain, however. I could barely hear Jesse's cursing as he stepped away from me, his panicked voice as he was shouting at me. I felt the blood rushing through my head as I grabbed the longest shard of broken mirror I could find. I gripped my fingers around the sharp edges, not caring that it was cutting me. Red blood was leaking from me, coating the mirror like it was paint.
I'd had enough. It was enough. Enough.
I held it in front of me like a knife as I turned around to face Jesse. Who, for the first time, wore an expression he had seen from me a thousand times. Fear, his eyes wide and his mouth open. He raised his hands in front of him, his steps slow as he backed further away from me.
"Tell me the truth," I pushed the words out, trying to breathe as an indescribable feeling took over me. It wasn't a good feeling, it felt like my body was on it last push, it's final defence.
"Lilly," Jesse said carefully, his tone no longer the poison it once was. It was soft this time, gentle.
"Tell me the truth!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, causing me to feel even more breathless.
"Okay, okay, Lilly," Jesse rushed out as I moved closer to him.
"Now," I ordered, beginning to feel unbalanced on my feet. "Right now."
"You don't know everything about that night," Jesse said at once, his eyes on the shard of glass in front of me.
"Tell me," I begged him, stumbling over my feet.
"I was going to tell you, I swear I was," Jesse said, "the truth..."
But I didn't hear anything else, I only saw black as my body shut down, my consciousness drifting into nothingness.
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