Even on a step-stool, Kat had to stand on her tiptoes to reach the shelf, straightening out the candle until it matched the opposite side of the altar. She got off the stepstool and moved back, glancing back and forth between the pair of shelves to make sure it was centered.

"I'm surprised you didn't bring a measuring tape this time," Bernice teased.

Kat glanced back at Bernice who sat in the pew next to her, untangling Christmas lights. "I was going to but I forgot," she admitted. It was Nex's fault. She had it sitting by the door but he nearly convinced her to stay home with him instead of coming to decorate the church and it left her too distracted to remember everything.

"It looks lovely, dear," Bernice said, smiling and shaking her head.

Bernice said something else too, something Kat didn't catch because as her eyes drifted over the church where other people were, volunteering to decorate. Her gaze landed on Gabriel and some of the other new members. They'd all started to make her feel uneasy. She felt especially uneasy when Gabriel's eyes locked with hers and she looked away, feeling a knot in her stomach.

Kat's eyes came back to Bernice who stared at her expectantly with an eyebrow raised. "I'm sorry," Kat said sheepishly. "What did you say?"

Bernice frowned and glanced back and forth between Kat and Gabriel before settling on Kat. "He's been bothering you, hasn't he?" She asked.

Kat shrugged and crouched down, picking up another strand of tangled lights.

"Katherine," Bernice scolded. "If he's bothering you, you should say something to Allen."

Allen Brighton was her pastor and she loved him dearly but didn't want to make it into a thing. "It's fine, I set boundaries last time we spoke," Kat said, sitting next to Bernice.

Bernice looked at Kat skeptically but stayed silent. Kat wondered if she'd bring it up again but they made it through the rest of the night with more lighthearted conversation. As much as Kat usually enjoyed Bernice's company, she felt on edge, like Gabriel kept watching her.

Kat worked faster than usual, ready to get out of there and home to Nex. Someone else walked Bernice across the street to her home earlier in the night so Kat was on her own. She buttoned up her coat and was securing her red scarf around her neck as she headed to the door when someone stepped in front of the door. Kat tensed as she looked up and found Gabriel standing in front of her, blocking her way. Kat tried to move around him but he stepped in front of her again.

"I need to talk to you," he said.

"I think it's better we keep our distance, Gabriel," Kat said, crossing her arms. "We clearly have clashing personalities. Excuse me," she said, moving around him and reaching for the door.

She didn't make it far, he grabbed her arm and pulled her to the side. "Katherine, I need to talk to you. I'm trying to help you."

Kat pulled her arm out of his hold and shook her head. "I don't need help with anything," she said, moving to get around him but he grabbed her arm again.

"Katherine, please. Please hear me out. You don't know who I am. I'm not doing this to hurt yo-" he was cut off when someone grabbed his arm.

"Gabriel, let her go."

Kat looked up and felt relief wash over her to see Pastor Brighton there. Gabriel released Kat and stepped back, holding his hands up in surrender.

"It's not how it looks, we were simply having a discussion," Gabriel said, offering a smile.

"A discussion doesn't require you to put your hands on her," Allen said, narrowing his eyes. "I've been informed by another member that this isn't the first time you've bothered her despite her asking you to stay away. If you cannot respect her wishes, then there is clearly a problem here."

"There's no problem," Gabriel said. "I was simply trying to reconcile a misunderstanding."

"Is that what happened?" Allen asked Kat.

Kat bit her lip, feeling incredibly uncomfortable and awkward. She looked up at Allen hesitantly and shook her head. "No, that's not what he was doing."

"Gabriel, if you want to continue attending this church then it's going to require you to keep your distance from Katherine and meet with me to discuss what kind of behavior is appropriate and acceptable," Allen said, stepping next to Katherine and crossing his arms.

"Pastor Brighton, with all due respect, you've only heard one side of the story here," Gabriel tried.

"If you're trying to tell me that Katherine is being dishonest in some way, then we have an even bigger problem," Allen said, setting his hand on Kat's shoulder. "Because I've known her since she was a baby and she doesn't have a lying bone in her body. I don't appreciate you trying to twist the story. Now, if you want to attend church next week, I suggest you give me a call to meet with me before Sunday. Because I won't tolerate this kind of behavior," he said, leading Kat away from Gabriel and towards the door. "I can walk you home?" He offered. Kat nodded, definitely not wanting to walk alone after that. "All right, just a minute," he said, stepping away from her and towards his wife, Myra. "I'm going to walk Katherine home, love. If I'm not back by the time you're ready to leave will you pick me up? I asked Derek to lock up for the night."

"I can do that," Myra said, placing a kiss on his cheek. "Goodnight, sweetheart," she said, waving at Kat. "Thanks for coming in to help."

"Goodnight," Kat said, offering her best smile and a small wave before following after Allen.

Allen opened the church doors, waving Kat through ahead of him. They walked out into the snow and Kat wrapped her arms around herself, feeling even more unsettled than she had before. There was definitely something off about Gabriel.

"Why didn't you tell me something was wrong?" Allen asked, looking over at her as they walked side by side down the street.

"I didn't want to make it into a big thing," Kat said, biting her lip.

"Katherine," Allen said, shaking his head. "I know you like to keep things to yourself but I want you to know if something like that is happening, I need to be informed. I can't have people coming in and making the young women in our church feel uncomfortable in a place that should be safe."

"You're right," Kat said, stuffing her hands in her pockets and glancing over at him. "I'll tell you if it happens again."

Allen offered her a smile but Kat didn't feel much like smiling. The way Gabriel looked at her had her feeling on edge. On edge in a way she'd been feeling every time she passed the church recently.

"Have you been at the church a lot the last couple weeks at night?" Kat asked, sidestepping a telephone pole.

"No, I haven't," Allen said. "Grace has had several photoshoots at night and she wanted me to come with her so I've been tied up with that. Unfortunately all our Elders have been busy too so I've had to keep the church locked up. I did post a sign with phone numbers and directions to shelters, in case anyone comes by."

Kat frowned because that confirmed it hadn't been Pastor Brighton inside the church. Someone else had been in the church. Someone that shouldn't have been because the door was locked. Now Kat felt even more uneasy. The question was, was she reading too much into it or was it something she really needed to worry about? Ever since the accident she didn't trust herself to not be paranoid. The first few months after it happened she struggled so much and often saw things that weren't there, got jumpy and anxious for no reason. For all she knew, she was imagining the movement. She didn't actually see a person. She sighed in frustration, wishing she could trust herself better but she hadn't been able to, not since the accident.

"How is Grace doing?" Kat asked, trying to distract herself.

Grace was his oldest daughter and an aspiring model. She was stunning inside and out and although Kat wasn't close friends with her, she knew her well enough since they grew up in church together and were the same age.

"She's doing very well," Allen said, a smile spreading over his face. "Her last agent wasn't a great fit but this new one is wonderful. She's got her all kinds of contracts that Gracie is excited about. She does love it, she just sometimes gets nervous about going to a shoot at night so I come with her and work on my sermons. I don't mind it, she amazes me with her poise under pressure. Must be something she learned from her mother because she certainly didn't learn it from me," he chuckled. "I'm proud of her."

"That's great," Kat nodded.

They paused in front of her house and Kat turned to say goodbye but was surprised by the look on Allen's face. He stared at the house with a sad expression before turning his attention to her.

"No Christmas decorations this year?" He asked.

"Oh," Kat said, darting her eyes away. "No... I..." She paused and let out a shaky breath, shrugging her shoulders. "I um... I couldn't..." She stammered out, feeling embarrassed. "I know it's stupid and silly but I... I just couldn't..."

"It's all right," Allen said, shaking his head. "You don't have to explain. Do you have a minute?" He asked, inclining his head to the bench on her covered porch.

Kat nodded and they walked over to the bench, sinking down onto it. Nex was out with Lucian and started turning on the lights inside when he was home so he wouldn't scare her when she came home but the lights were off so Kat decided it was safe to talk to her pastor. Allen leaned forward, clasping his hands together and resting his elbows on his knees, staring straight ahead.

"You know, sometimes it's terrifying to be a parent to girls," he sighed. "This world we live in, it's terrifying. Gracie only asks me to come with her to the photoshoots because she's often in a studio alone with two photographers that are men. That and she has to park downtown and walk by herself after dark to get there. I wish we didn't live in a world where my daughter was scared to simply go to work and walk down a street but we do and I don't blame her for being scared. I'm scared," he admitted. "I'm glad she asked me to go with her. I wish things were different but right now it's how it is, and I suppose at least I can say I'm glad my daughter knows that she can come to me when she's scared. Sometimes," he said, glancing over at Kat. "We need help when someone is making us uncomfortable and that's okay. We don't have to go through everything alone and we shouldn't have to."

Kat frowned and nodded. Even if she wasn't sure how much of it was paranoia, it would be better to be safe. It was good that her pastor knew Gabriel was bothering her but maybe Nex should know too.

"You know the other thing that's hard about having girls?" He asked, looking over at her. "Is that I try so hard to bring them up the right way. I try to encourage them to be themselves, to know their value, to feel comfortable in their own skin and be anything they want to be. But society tells them something else," he said, shaking his head. "Society tells them to be and look and act a certain way. That there's only one way to be beautiful and one way to be successful. Hope's on this kick of wanting to be a firefighter. She talked me into buying her an outfit and everything. She walks around the house with this pretend hose, putting out 'fires'. Saving her stuffed animals from a burning building," he chuckled. "It's adorable and I encourage it. If my daughter wants to be a firefighter, she can be a firefighter."

Kat smiled and nodded. Hope was his youngest, six years old and an absolute delight to be around. All his daughters were. His whole family was warm and welcoming.

"Then Hope went to school wearing her outfit one day and a little boy told her she couldn't be a firefighter because only boys are firefighters and when she cried he said that's exactly why only boys can be firefighters, because girls are too emotional," he said, shaking his head. "And so Myra and I are already having to explain sexism to our six year old daughter. She's six. My girl shouldn't have to worry about things like that at her age, she's just a kid. But it starts young and it doesn't stop there, it's a constant battle. I'm always trying to help them through it the best I can but I can only do so much. You know one of the more important things I really wish I could get through to them about?"

"What?" Kat asked, turning on the bench to face him.

"To have compassion for themselves," he said, turning towards her. "Because life can be very difficult. People can be cruel, sometimes consciously and sometimes not. Things go wrong, accidents happen, mistakes are made, biases exist even though they shouldn't. Things like what Hope experienced happens and it affects us more than we'd like to admit and then there's all this outside pressure that tells us there's an appropriate way to react to something. Gracie had a fellow model mock her for bringing me with her," he said, shaking his head. "She told her she was being a bad role model by showing she needed a man there with her and that was something Gracie was already feeling self-conscious about when she asked me in the first place."

"She shouldn't feel that way," Kat frowned. "Everyone has their own levels of comfort."

"I agree," Allen nodded. "And Gracie does too but it doesn't mean those words don't affect her. Just like Hope knows she can be what she wants, it doesn't mean that little boy's words didn't hurt. Then there's Faith," he sighed. "Faith is struggling with self-esteem issues. Myra and I always tell Faith how beautiful she is but thirteen is a difficult age. She's in this weird position where half of her friends are all about dressing up and putting on makeup and the other half say doing that conforms to society and make her feel guilty if she puts in an extra effort. Now all three my girls are having these struggles and being way too hard on themselves," he sighed. "They come home at the end of the night and think about their days and they're so hard on themselves. Because there's this twisted outside pressure pulling them in different directions, telling them to be a proper female they have to be soft but not too soft, you need to be strong but not too strong. Look pretty but not too pretty, crying makes you emotional but then if you don't cry, you're cold and heartless. That's an awful amount of pressure to put on girls that are still so young," he said, shaking his head.

"It's unfair," Kat agreed, frowning. She had no idea the girls were going through so much. It had been a long time since she had dinner at their house.

"It is unfair. People think that there's one right way to go through something or react to something and that's just not true. If Gracie's scared and wants me there, she should be able to ask me without getting trouble for it. If Faith wants to look and dress a certain way, if that's what gets her through her trying teenager years, she shouldn't be judged for doing something that makes her feel good about herself for her. I wish she wasn't struggling at all but while she is I don't think there's anything wrong with her dressing up if that helps her. And Hope should be able to be what she wants to be and cry if she needs to cry. There's no one right way of handling these scenarios. We all have these struggles, struggles we have no control over that make life difficult. Knowing that everyone struggles in their own unique ways should make us compassionate to one another and to ourselves, don't you think?"

Kat nodded in agreement, staring down at her lap. She looked up at him when he set his hand on her shoulder, giving her a small smile.

"It's not stupid or silly that you don't have decorations out," he said.

Kat bit her lip and looked away, only able to give a small nod. The whole thing was confusing and hard. She felt silly not wanting to acknowledge Christmas but she couldn't stand the idea of having a Christmas without her parents. She couldn't get herself to even try to imagine a Christmas without them or go into the garage where both the decorations and her mother's car were.

"You know what I tell my girls when they're being too hard on themselves?" He asked.

"What?" Kat asked, tentatively looking over at him.

"I tell them, if a friend of theirs came to them having the exact same problem, would they tell their friend they were overreacting and not responding right? Or would they have compassion and encourage their friend?" He said, squeezing her shoulder. "So Katherine, let me ask you, if a friend came to you after losing their parents in such a traumatic way, would you tell them the way they handled their grief was silly and stupid, or would you show them love and tell them however they needed to get through it, that is the right way to get through it?"

Kat and shrugged and nodded. He had a point but it was easier said than done.

"Do you remember how we worked through your guilt over the accident?" He asked.

Kat nodded. She didn't remember all her counseling sessions with him after the accident but she did remember the ones about her guilt because that was not an easy one to get over. Neither was the anger. She spent several months so angry she couldn't stand to be around anyone. She felt lucky that he had patience enough to help her through that anger because she barely recognized herself during that time.

"We worked through it by saying you needed to have compassion for yourself. Because what happened wasn't your fault and wasn't in your control, and while I know part of you still feels a little guilt, you've made a lot of progress in that regard, haven't you?" He asked, earning a nod from Kat. "Good, because I want you to try to channel that compassion again. If you need to skip Christmas or at least the decorations because it's too much this year, then you do that and don't feel guilty or silly about it. As long as you're not hurting yourself, there is no wrong way to grieve. You know that, right?"

"I guess," Kat sighed, wrapping her arms around herself. "I guess I just wish that..." she paused, swallowing hard. "I wish it was easier," she whispered. "It's almost been a year and I... I still sometimes have really bad days," she admitted, tears starting to sting her eyes.

"There's nothing wrong with that," Allen assured. "A year isn't so long, Katherine. Grief doesn't have an expiration date. Grief takes as long as it takes and that's all right. I don't think it ever really goes away, it just starts to hurt less. Years from now you'll still grieve them when a memory comes up. And that will be a bittersweet moment because you'll hurt from what you lost but you'll be thankful for the happy memories you do have. It's okay to miss them. It's okay to grieve in your own way, to be angry or confused or sad. No one can tell you the right way to miss the ones you love. Just try to not be so hard on yourself about it, all right? Compassion, Kat, we have to have compassion for ourselves just as much as we do for others. There's a reason we have that verse love your neighbors as yourself. Because you also need to love yourself and loving yourself means you have compassion for yourself."

Kat nodded, feeling the tears sting her eyes. She missed them and she did feel silly for trying to avoid Christmas, but he was right. She wouldn't think it was silly if it was someone else going through the same thing.