After my phone call with Eve yesterday, I've been feeling as badly as I did the day she left. The way the plan she left for me to find in the letter was detailed, she felt so sure of herself in those moments, made it hurt so much more when reality had to come tear it all down. To make matters worse, I think telling her that I'll come visit is even wishful thinking. My mom can't leave work, and I don't think she'd let me, a seventeen year old, drive a couple hundred miles all alone. I have no other friends I could take a road trip with and I don't want to befriend anyone at my school. I don't want anyone other than Evelyn.

To try and take my mind off things, because I know continuously isolating myself in my room, doing nothing but homework or studying, will only make things worse, I go to the Way's house. It's Friday night, after all. What normal teenager should be found alone in their room doing schoolwork on a Friday night?

I should be able to act like it's any other movie night, like one of the dozens I've attended there in the past. But even as I approach the front door and raise my fist to knock, I know I won't. It'll feel different no matter how hard we try to ignore it. Something's missing.

Before my mom drives away, I tell her I'll text her when I need her to pick me up, then I walk toward the front door. I recognize the cars parked outside as a sign that Frank, Ray, and Mikey are already here and I begin wondering who out of the five people in the house is going to answer the door just as it swings open.

"Hey, Em! Come on in," Lindsey says, smiling brightly when she sees me. She steps aside, then shuts the door after me. "We were wondering if you were going to come, but you're right on time. We're all just in the living room."

"Of course I came; what would a Friday night be without a movie?" I say as we approach the living room.

"That's what we thought too," she says, letting out a little sigh.

"What are we watching?"

Frank doesn't give Lindsey a chance to reply, however, when he exclaims excitedly from the couch, "Die Hard!"

I put my hand on my hip. "How'd you get everyone to agree to watching that again for the hundredth time?"

"Where'd you get that attitude?" he shoots back.

"My girlfriend is a Way, remember? They're said to be pretty sassy."

"You got that right," Lindsey mutters. She takes a seat in an armchair and says, "Sit down wherever you can find room, Em."

"Yeah," Gerard agrees from the corner of the couch. "Make yourself at home."

As I sit in the other armchair, setting my phone next to me, I can't help but think about how this place did become like my second home, especially after my dad left and I started coming over a lot more often. I was instantly welcomed into the family, so I shouldn't feel so awkward and out of place in this moment. I draw my knees up to my chest and rest my chin on them as the movie begins, Die Hard displayed on the screen in big, blocky, vibrant letters.

I zone out, not really watching the movie, but still looking at the screen. The guys on the couch chew on popcorn, Frank can be heard speaking in sync with his favourite lines, Mikey jokingly telling him to shut up, Ray reminding Mikey of how he's memorized every word in the movie Jaws and can't say anything, Gerard agreeing with Ray, Lindsey shushing the four of them. They're talking and joking, enjoying the movie as though nothing is wrong, as though my arms aren't hugging my knees tightly instead of stretched around the shoulders of a girl that'd usually be joining their banter, or telling them to shut their mouths so we can actually hear the TV.

Before I know it, half the movie has gone by. The last sixty or so minutes agonizing as I keep a dazed smile painted on my face like Eve has told me my natural resting face looks (the opposite of her "resting bitch face"). I began to regret ever leaving my room a lot sooner than this, realizing that no distractions have been effective in taking my mind away from Eve and this would be no different. Maybe I just don't appreciate Bruce Willis enough, or maybe I'm really just too attached to Eve and I'm being pathetic. I kept reminding myself that I'd see her again, that she's not gone forever, but I'm always left feeling hollow, like she took a piece of me with her, leaving a gaping hole in my chest to let my optimism drain out of.

Suddenly, the movement on the screen stops, my eyes feel glazed over, though, and don't break away from the paused scene. "I think it's time for a popcorn refill," Gerard says, which finally snaps me out of my melancholic daze.

"I'll get it," Lindsey says, shifting to rise from the chair, her pregnant belly making it difficult.

"No, Linds, I'll get it," he says, stepping forward and briefly putting a hand on her knee. "Em? Care giving me a hand?"

Not thinking anything of it, I flash him a quick, closed-lip smile. "Sure." I stand up and grab the plastic bowl off the coffee table, the un-popped kernels rattling around in the bottom as I follow him into the next room.

In the kitchen, he thanks me as he takes the bowl from my hands and places it on the counter behind him. He runs his fingers through his hair, crosses his arms over his chest, tastes his words carefully. "Not doing so well tonight?"

I purse my lips, casting my gaze down to the floor before saying, "You could've waited until the movie was over." I shouldn't be surprised that he caught on, though. This is either proof of what Eve has told me in the past— almost nothing gets past Gerard— or that I'm a worse actress than I thought.

"We both know you weren't really paying attention."

"I don't understand how you're all acting so... so normal. Just like everything is normal when we all know it's not."

"Em, we're all sad. I won't pretend we're not, but this is just want Eve wants, you know? She wants us to go on with our lives as best we can. And, honestly, what else are we supposed to do? It'd be pointless to sit around all day being sad— I've already done that enough— when we really do have lives to go on with, no matter how hard it is, you know?"

I nod slowly. I agree with everything he's saying, even if the way he's saying it in a casual manner makes me feel even more alone.

He goes on, "And we have responsibilities we can't ignore, you know. The baby is going to be here next month, we have a new record coming out next year, we're going to go on tour, we're taking Eve's case back to court as soon as we can... you have a life, school. I know how much you care about your grades, Em."

"Maybe too much," I say quietly.

It looks like he's about to say more, he opens his mouth halfway, but then is interrupted by Mikey entering the kitchen, poking his head in first. I try and act natural by examining my nails, Gerard drops his hands to his sides and leans coolly against the counter.

"We were just wondering how long it takes two people to make popcorn..." Mikey says, looking between the two of us standing awkwardly at opposite sides of the kitchen.

"Oh, right," Gerard says, quickly spinning around and opening a kitchen cabinet. He takes a bag of popcorn out of a box, crosses the room to the microwave, sticks the bag in, presses a few buttons, and says finally, "About a minute and a half."

Mikey nods and retreats back to the group. Gerard and I stand watching the steadily expanding bag of popcorn spin slowly in the microwave. He seems to have forgotten what he was going to say next, or maybe realized that his speech wasn't really helping me at all. Over the hum of the microwave and sound of popping kernels, I inhale, breathing in the heavenly aroma of popcorn, then say, "I'm not really feeling up to watching the rest of the movie to be honest."

He gives me a sympathetic smile, one corner of his mouth turns up more than the other. "Do you need a ride home? I don't mind taking you."

"I, um, was actually hoping I could go up to her room for a bit?" I ask awkwardly. After the words have left my mouth, I realize how silly I must sound, my cheeks feel hot, and I try to take them back, "Or, well, maybe not. That's probably weird, sorry. I'll just go—"

"No, Em, it's okay." Gerard cuts me off. "Go ahead, it's not weird. I keep going in there myself."

I thank him with a small smile just as the microwave beeps and leave him to dump the hot, buttery popcorn into the bowl. Just before I've left the room, though, he stops me with one more thing.

"Wait, Em, have you talked to Eve recently?"

"Yeah, I talked to her yesterday on the phone, why?"

"It's just—" he pauses, contemplating whether he should say more, then must decide he has nothing to lose. "—we haven't talked in a while. She got mad last time because of something I brought up and I've been giving her space since then."

"Oh. She didn't mention anything about that." I don't pry, but assure him, "I'm sure she'll call really soon. I don't know why, I can just feel it."

I keep my eyes down as I cross the living room and jog up the stairs towards Eve's room, and no one questions me as I go, soon hearing the faint sound of the movie turning back on when I reach the room and shut the door gently behind me. Gerard must have told them I'm not coming back to watch the rest.

I don't know what I was expecting, maybe some old clothes leftover in the closet, or some posters she didn't bother take down, but the sheer emptiness of the room is shocking. The only thing left is the ukulele in her closet.

I take it and strum a chord, sit on the bed and strum another, wondering why she left it here and wishing she was next to me so I could hear her sing along.

• • •

"Em?"

A light shake of my shoulder makes my eyes snap open like two flashlights clicking on. Gerard is standing next to the bed.

"Huh? Did I- did I seriously fall asleep?"

He chuckles. "Yeah. We didn't want to wake you, but you left your phone down stairs and your mom called wondering if you're ever coming home." He hands me my phone.

I push myself up on the mattress into a sitting position. Eve's ukulele is next to me where I must've set it down before drifting off, probably only meaning to close my eyes for a few minutes where I could pretend Eve was still here, laying by my side.

I rub my eyes. "Is it that late?"

Gerard nods. "Mikey, Ray, and Frank have already left."

I cover my face with my hands. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep." I rise from the bed. "I guess I'll just call my mom now."

"It's not a problem, Em. I'll take you home."

"No, you don't have to—"

"I insist."

And so we make our way to the car, but not before Gee tells Lindsey he'll be back soon, and Lindsey tells him she'll probably be asleep by then but she'll try and stay awake for him.

I rest my head against the car window. "I hope me and Eve are like you and Lindsey one day."

"What do you mean?"

My eyes widen. "I did not mean to say that out loud. It's the sleep deprivation talking."

"But you meant it," he presses.

"I just mean..." I sigh. "I don't know, I just want us to be together forever, and always be perfect for each other. This sounds so cheesy, doesn't it?"

"You're really good for Eve, Em, and I wouldn't want her to be with anyone else forever," he puts simply, but I can hear the sincerity in his voice, and maybe a slight smile.

I go to sleep thinking about it.