"You're gonna be seventeen tomorrow," I tell Emerald, gazing up at her from where my head lays in her lap. "That's like... almost an adult."

She laughs. "I'm not an adult as long as I still have to sit at the kids table on Christmas."

"Kids table?"

"Yeah, you know, the adults sit at one table and the kids have their own table. My sister even still has to sit there with me and our cousins even though she's almost done college."

"We don't have that," I say, picturing the full table at Grandma and Grandpas. "If we did, the kids table would just be me and Frank throwing bread rolls at each other like snowballs."

Em laughs again and I feel the weight on my chest lift, if only slightly, and the corners of my mouth turn up. One of the first things I noticed about her aside from her eyes, her slightly crooked front tooth she's always been a bit self conscious of whether she lets it show or not, only makes her smile more adorable in my opinion. I can't help but push myself up and connect our lips. Mine are chapped, and hers are perfectly smooth.

My hair is always disheveled no matter how hard I try to get it to stay neat and how annoyed I get when I don't succeed, but hers is always perfect even with the amount of times she's dyed it.

Every outfit she wears I'd describe as hot even if it's just a band T-shirt and skinny jeans, and I live in oversized hoodies I've stolen from Gerard.

She's bright and bubbly, cares too much about her grades, and makes friends easily, and I am, quite frankly, the opposite.

I don't understand how I got to be fortunate enough to have my arms around her now, but I wouldn't trade it for the world.

Our lips move in sync and suddenly all my worries melt away, the court case out of my mind, Laura Barry's name is even forgotten. I'm transported to some place where it's only Em and I, maybe that bench in the park with snowflakes falling around us, or perhaps stuck in time within the blissful split seconds of our very first kiss when we were both a lot more innocent. Either way, nothing could ruin this—

"Are you two ever gonna go to— woah, didn't meant to interrupt."

Em and I jump apart, my stomach drops when I almost fall off my bed, but she grabs my hand before I do. Flicking hair out of my face that I feel quickly begin to grow hot, I meet Gerard's eyes from where he's leaning in my doorway. He has an amused expression on his face and his arms are crossed over his chest.

I can't blame him; we're the love-stricken idiots who forgot to close the goddamn door.

I brush my fingers through my hair and clear my throat. From the corner of my eye I see Em turn her face away, biting her lip. "You were saying?" I ask Gee as casually as I can manage.

He fights to keep the grin off his face. "Were you two planning on going to sleep tonight?"

I glance at the clock and see that it's nearing 12AM. Time flies, I guess, when you're... being gay?

"It's not that late," I say. "Sleep is for the weak of heart anyway."

Gee laughs. "Guess I'm weak then, 'cause I'm going to bed."

"Me too," Em says through a yawn, hopping off my bed and onto the mattress on the floor next to it. "I'm getting pretty tired, Eve."

That mattress isn't really going to get used, though, we just put it there to keep Gerard from wiggling his eyebrows at us. I'd much rather drift off to sleep with my arms around her than know she's on the floor mere feet away from me.

"G'night," Gee says and flicks the lights of, leaving the door open just a crack. He goes off down the hall then, but when I listen closely he definitely didn't go to his bedroom. The unmistakable sound of his office door clicking shut from the opposite side of the hallway tells me he's probably going to be up for a while more, writing, or something.

We crawl into bed, the scent of her hair comforting, and her slow breathing when she falls asleep ages before me helps lull me to sleep, too.

• • •

I squint my eyes through the sunlight to see a familiar face in the driver's seat of the car barreling towards us.

Laura.

"Dad!" I shriek. "That's her, Dad! She's coming to take me, don't let her take me!"

"Who, Eve? What are you—" It's almost as though she was aiming for us, playing bumper cars, when she swerved into our lane, Gerard's words being cut off by the screeching of her tires on the hot asphalt.

Everything goes black, then, and when I crack open my eyes I wish I hadn't.

"No, Dad, please be okay." I grab his hand. It's limp. "Come on, Dad!"

"Eve!"

"Please, Dad!"

"Eve!"

I sit up, my eyes darting around the room and landing on Emerald. My heart is going a hundred miles a minutes, but I immediately calm down a little when she pulls me into her arms.

"I'm okay, Em," I whisper, still breathing heavily.

"Good, Evie, you were scaring me." She nuzzles her head in the crook of my neck until I've calmed down completely.

"I'm sorry, Em, I didn't want to wake you up." My eyes drift to my bedroom door. It hasn't moved from how Gerard left it, but I wouldn't be surprised if he barged in within the next couple seconds. "Did I scream or anything?"

"You didn't scream, you were just thrashing around. I woke up when you almost pushed me off the bed."

"I didn't even know I did that," I whisper, a hint of fear in my voice. I think I'm afraid of myself.

"It's okay, though. You're okay now," Em soothes. "Let's go back to sleep."

We lay back down. I've repositioned myself and I now have a perfect view of the digital clock sitting on my nightstand. It's just past 3AM. "Wait, Em, Happy Birthday." I kiss the top of her forehead, but then I realize she's already gone back to sleep.

• • •

We get through the rest of the night without another incident. Neither of us ended up falling off the bed, despite the couple of close calls, and I wake up actually feeling well rested for once.

I really thought I would be safe from having a nightmare. I thought having Em next to me would somehow ward them off, but no, the one I had wasn't even any less terrifying than usual. More terrifying, even, because my mother was in it. She didn't have the sunken eyes and sallow face of the woman I remember, which made it even scarier.

When I roll over in bed, the time being about 10AM, I find Emerald has already gotten up. She's in the shower, the sound of the running water muffled, until it turns off.

I quickly get dressed in ripped black skinny-jeans and a long-sleeved Zero shirt, like the one Billy Corgan wears in the music video for Bullet With Butterfly Wings. It's typical of me that I can't remember who gave it to me or when they did.

Em soon steps out of the bathroom, her black hair still wet and leaving the shoulders of her T-shirt damp.

"Morning!" she says brightly.

I run over to her and wrap her in a hug, lifting her up and twirling her around. "Happy Birthday, Em!"

"Thanks, Evie!" She giggles. "Please tell me we can have pancakes for breakfast?"

"Well, about that..." I put her down and take her hand, quickly leading her downstairs to the kitchen where, in the middle of the table, we find a plate stacked tall with pancakes. In front of the stove, is Gerard, cooking more. He makes the best pancakes and I knew he wouldn't mind when I asked if he could do this for my girlfriend's birthday.

"Dad, what the hell? This is so many more pancakes than I bargained for!"

He twirls around to face us in his red apron. "It's like a cake," he says, motioning to the stack. "Look, it's tall and circular and stuff. Like a birthday cake. Happy Birthday!"

"Thanks!" Em giggles again and I couldn't wipe the smile off my face if I tried. I'm almost as giddy as her and if feels off. Not bad, just interesting. I pull out a chair for her at the table and she sits down.

"Now the most important part," I say, sliding across the floor to the fridge in my sick-ass Star Wars socks. "The toppings!"

In just a couple minutes, a fine selection of whipped-cream, strawberries, bananas, syrup, chocolate chips, and a few more things I may have dropped on the floor before dumping on the table, is set out in front of us. Our breakfast is tooth-achingly sweet, and we had to eat fast because Em's mom said she'd pick her up at 11.

The time goes by quickly, and sooner than I'd like do I find myself kissing her goodbye and gazing out the window as she drives away, her mom having moved to the passenger seat to let her drive.