I'm not one for winter. It's cold, it gets dark much too early in the day, the roads are icy, it's cold, seasonal depression is a bitch, and it's cold.

I hate the cold, and if Gerard could hurry up and move to California like every other musician, I'd be happy. I'd only have Emerald to miss, but I could kiss the horrific memories attached to being in Jersey goodbye.

That being said, when the world is asleep and snowflakes fall, soundlessly covering the ground with a glimmering sheet of snow, and when the light from the moon hits them just right, I can appreciate winter. Everything feels so still it's almost peaceful, if only for a little while.

From my bedroom, I gaze out the window at the snow collecting on the panes, my breath fogging up the glass. It's only 6PM, but I'm already waiting impatiently for Emerald to pick me up in her mom's car and take me to wherever it is we're going. I tried my damn best to get her to spill that secret, but she wouldn't budge, so whatever awaits me tonight remains a mystery.

Just then, my phone buzzes from my pocket. Pulling it out I'm greeted with a message that makes my heart sink.

Emerald: Change of plans.

I type back quickly with shaking fingers, what do you mean??

Read 6:07PM.

Panic immediately floods my brain. Still, I give her a couple minutes to reply, the benefit of the doubt if you will, but at 6:10 all rationality has left much like any tranquility that the gentle snowfall had succeeded in bringing me.

I should've known this was too good to be true.

She's left me just like everyone else does, hasn't she? She realized she didn't want to spend her Valentine's Day with someone as messed up as me, so she left me in an instant just like my mother had. Like my first foster families, and just like Gerard will eventually, too.

How did I ever think the relationships I've formed in the last two and a half years would be permanent? The only constant in life is change, and in my case it's never change for the better.

I don't even realize I'm pacing the floor, or that I'm sinking my fingernails in the skin of knuckles, or that my breathing is dangerously quick, or even that I'm crying until something forces me to stop moving my feet. It's Gee wrapping his arms around me, my face being buried in his shoulder which I immediately soak with tears.

"Breathe, Eve." He rubs my back comfortingly. "What's going on?"

"I d-don't know!" I gasp. "Em-m just— she j-just— I don't know w-why... I don't know why sh-she—"

"You're gonna have to calm down a bit, okay?" I can practically hear the unsaid words he left hanging in the air: I don't want you to have a panic attack. And neither do I. The squeezing feeling in my chest, my beating heart and jumbled up thoughts are already bad enough. All I need now is for the walls to close in around me.

I force myself to take deep breaths, all the while still enveloped in a tight hug. "I think Em just cancelled on me and I don't know why. I don't know what I did wrong, I don't think I did anything. Why would she just—"

"Slow down, Eve. She didn't ditch you." Gee lets go of me and steps away. He covers his face in his hands. "This was part of it."

"Wait, what?"

He sighs. "I'm supposed to take you to meet her at 7. Her mom wouldn't let her take the car, so she can't pick you up herself."

I open my mouth to say something, but no sound comes out. I sniff, wiping the tears from my face with my palms, getting eye makeup all over them.

Good going, Eve. Why do you have to be so dramatic?

"I'm sorry, Evie," Gee says and he sounds like he genuinely feels bad. I don't know why though, he shouldn't have any sympathy for me when I'm the one who jumped to conclusions for no reason. "We thought it would be a nice surprise."

"Yeah and I fucking screwed it up," I say, angrily running my fingers through my tangled hair. Then I add under my breath, low enough so that Gee doesn't catch it, "Like I do with everything else."

"You still don't know where you're going, so it'll still be a surprise," he reasons. "Did you really think Emerald would leave you just like that? Over text?"

"Well I've been abandoned before, how was I supposed to know this was part of a romantic gesture!?"

His face drops ever so slightly before he steps forward again hugs me one more time. "Trust me," he says.

"I'M NOT OKAYYY." He lets go of me again and jumps back when I practically scream out the lyrics in his ear. He doesn't look impressed. I shrug. "Come on, Dad, you walked right into that one."

He covers his face in his hands, hiding his smile. He sighs. "As I was saying, trust me, Emerald isn't planning on breaking up with you, okay? When she was telling me and Linds about her plans for tonight it's obvious she- well, she really loves you."

The corners of my mouth turn up as I reply, "I really love her, too."

Gee leaves me to get myself sorted after I totally ruined any attempt I made at looking good for this date thanks to my crying fit. So, I step into my bathroom, expecting the worst when I look in the mirror.

To my relief, all I need to do is wash off the smudged eye makeup and redo it, then comb through my hair. I'm not sure if I want to let it grow out, or cut it short again. Being around Lindsey has made me want to have it long just so that I can put it up into pigtails, so maybe that's what I'll do.

When I'm done, I take one last look at my outfit before heading downstairs: black jeans, a white long-sleeved button up with black stars (one of the only slightly fancy clothing items I own), and a black beanie. My socks are blue and they have bananas wearing sunglasses on them, but I'm wearing boots so it doesn't matter.

Finally, I hug Lindsey goodbye before Gee and I go out to the car. I zip up my winter coat all the way up, wishing I had put a scarf on to fight off the cold.

"You look nice," Gee says as he turns the heat up in the car before pulling out into the road.

"Thanks. I think I actually put my eyeliner on right this time."

"Any way is right if you don't care," he points out.

"I think you've just unlocked the answer to life and the universe."

He shakes his head. "No, that's 42." He laughs when I don't say anything, but sit in confused silence, pondering what the fuck that's supposed to mean. "It's a reference," he explains. "So, I guess now I know what movie we're watching next."

"Okay then." I fall silent as I look out the window. We're not going towards Em's house like I though we would, but in the complete opposite direction.

"What're you thinkin' about?" Gee breaks the silence a couple minutes later.

I look down in my lap to see that I've been subconsciously wringing my hands nervously, then back out the window where familiar landmarks are flying by. "Oh," I say. "I just realized where we're going."

"Are you nervous?" I ask, even though just by glancing at her hunched figure in the passenger seat I know the answer is yes.

"Yeah, I am," she confirms. "The last time I went to this park was the day that I..." She trails off.

"Don't remind me," I say as though I hadn't been thinking the exact same thing. As though the memory of Eve, fourteen at the time, getting drunk in the woods and then dragged home by Frank and Ray had even managed to fade.

She sighs when I slow down outside the gates. "Here we are."

"And look, there's Emerald." I point her out. She's standing under a streetlight, a blanket tucked under one arm, and a thermos held in each hand. I lean over and hug Eve. "You'll be fine. Text me when you want me to come pick you up, and tell Em I can bring her home, too."

"Okay," she breathes, returning the hug. She then let's go and gets out of the car, but before she shuts the door and walks away, she calls over her shoulder, "Bye, Dad. I love you."

"I love you, too," I say back even though she's already swung the door closed.

I watch as she walks towards her girlfriend, both their faces lighting up. Their smiles grow as they greet each other by wrapping their arms around each other tightly. And though I'm worried about how quickly Eve had a meltdown over Emerald's unexpected text earlier, that might just be a problem for another day. Because for the next little while they're spending here together, I can tell that she's truly okay.