Somehow I knew this was going to happen. I knew as soon as the words left my mouth earlier today that there would be consequences, I just hoped that she wouldn't rat me out so soon.

It was hard to act innocent when Gerard told me he got a call from Dr. James. There's no way that the way I asked, "What did she want?" was anywhere near convincing. I obviously knew what was coming.

"I think you know what she wanted," he says.

I look anywhere other than his face when I reply, "She was telling on me. She told you I wanna die, didn't she? I don't, by the way. I don't know why I said that, it just came out." Remembering the event, I feel the same anger from when I was sitting in Sam's office start to bubble up inside me.

"Have you been taking your meds?" he asks bluntly.

"Yes, Dad! You watch me take them in the morning!"

He raises his hands in defence. "Alright, I was just checking."

Like I said, I take them, but sometimes I think maybe I don't need them. Sure, they help, but sometimes I remember the way I felt before I ever took them and it's tempting to go back. Almost like the pain was comforting.

What can I say? I just got used to it and then that was taken away from me, too.

"If you ever do feel like that, though, you know you can come to me," he says like I haven't heard it maybe hundreds of times before. He adds, "Or anyone, you know? Mikey, Frank, Ray, Lindsey. You're not alone."

"I know, Dad."

On cue, my phone buzzes from my pocket: Emerald is wondering how today's session went.

I give Gee a hug— I think that he just might've held on a little bit tighter than usual this time— and then retreat back to my room to text Em back. I conveniently leave out just about all of what happened out of anger at myself, out of embarrassment that I walked out, and out of not wanting her to worry over me.

Mostly, I don't want her to think I'm any more weak than I already am.

• • •

"I can't believe we haven't watched this one yet!" Mikey exclaims the next evening as we all gather in the living room.

"I know." I plop down on the couch next to him. "I mean, you've been wanting me to see it since you met me!"

I clearly remember the look of disbelief on his face when he found out I had never seen this movie. Back then, I apologized, thinking he'd be mad at me for it, which is silly. Now I know he was psyched, more than anything, just so that he could be the one to introduce me to Jaws.

"I'm just glad I get to watch you watch it for the first time."

"Dude, you gotta watch the movie, not me," I laugh. "Sharks are so much cooler than I am."

"Nah, Eve," Frank chimes in from where he's sitting next to me on my other side, ruffling my hair. "I'd say you're cooler than a shark."

"Wow, thanks," I say, running my fingers through my short hair to smooth it out again. It's starting to grow out a bit. "But I can't really put 'cooler than a shark' on my resume."

Everyone laughs and Gee walks into the room at that moment. "What'd I miss?" he asks, setting a large bowl of popcorn on the coffee table, before drawing the curtains closed to darken the room to provide perfect movie-watching conditions. Lindsey is sitting in one of the arm chairs, barely paying attention to her surroundings as she eats sour cream and onion flavoured chips instead of the buttery popcorn.

She's said that that's one of her more "normal" cravings. I won't let her forget about the time I stepped into the kitchen to find her enjoying pickles dipped in peanut butter. I stepped right back out after seeing that.

"Eve is cooler than a shark," Ray explains from the other end of the couch without giving him any context.

"Yeah, of course she is," he agrees, settling in the other arm chair after grabbing a handful of popcorn. He throws a piece in the air and catches it in his mouth. "Eve, if anyone ever doubts you're not cooler than a shark, just—"

"Everyone shut up, it's starting!" Mikey cuts Gerard off, immediately gluing his eyes to the TV screen. I laugh silently to myself, thinking this is going to be a long night if I have to keep completely quiet. That popcorn looks really good, but I don't doubt he'd yell at me if I chew too loudly.

Over the course of the next two hours and ten minutes, I come to learn that Mikey has seen this movie more than a few times.

I thought I'd seen Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (the best one in the series, if you ask me) too many times, but I doubt that I could talk along with every line of dialogue. I was impressed every time I glanced over at my uncle to see him mouthing along to nearly every word. That is, if he wasn't too concentrated, staring at the screen, unblinking, immersed in the action.

When the bowl of popcorn has long been empty and the end credits start rolling, I feel eyes turn to me, and not only Mikey's. Everyone, it seems, is waiting in suspense to know what I thought of this film that's considered one of the best ever made. The best ever made, if you ask someone in the room.

"So?" he prompts.

I don't want to crush him, but I also don't want to pass up this opportunity to be a little shit. So, fighting back a smile, I shrug my shoulders. "It was alright, I guess."

"That's it!?" he asks incredulously, launching himself off the couch.

He begins pacing the floor, back and forth, explaining the various reasons why "alright" just wouldn't suffice. It's a tangent he's obviously gone off on before. He's so passionate, in fact, that he doesn't notice the grin that I can't keep from spreading across my face. The others notice, though.

"Dude," Frank says in an attempt to put an end to it, but Mikey doesn't quit.

"Mikey!" Ray tries to get his attention to no avail.

"Mikes!" Gerard blurts out loudly enough that he finally halts. "She's messing with you."

He looks over at me with a look of relief and that's when I finally burst out laughing. I say it was relief, but it very well could've been betrayal. "I liked it, okay? It was better than just alright!"

"Yeah, it was! Eve, I was scared for a second there." I see Mikey's face turn slightly red as he runs his fingers through his hair.

"Honestly, though, I was more impressed by how you were basically mouthing along to the whole thing."

The red tint on his cheeks deepens. "I've seen it a few times," he mumbles.

Like nearly every other Friday night, we stick around in the living room even though the movie's ended. Unsurprisingly, I eventually find myself sitting on the floor. Gee and Lindsey squeeze into one armchair together, and Frankie drapes himself casually over the other one. It feels good to just hang out and talk and have anything that isn't my mother and the court case on my mind.

The conversation ranges between what truly is the best film of all time (my vote went to Shrek, an opinion that no one else in the room happened to share with me), to a debate over whether cats or dogs are the superior pet.

"Cats, or get the fuck out." Was Gerard's closing statement.

"You don't even have a fucking cat!" Frank argued. "You're allergic!"

"I can dream!" Gee argued back.

Eventually, the pair turned to me to settle their argument.

"Hamsters," I say.

"That's not even an option!" They yell in near-perfect unison.

"Okay, that was fuckin' weird and I'm putting an end to this conversation!" Leave it to Lindsey to put her foot down and and restore order.

"Hey," I say, sitting up straight suddenly. "The world still doesn't know what you named the hamster for the cage you got for the hamster you were gonna buy."

"How do you even know about that!?" Gee asks as everyone else laughs. He seems almost impressed.

"I spend a lot of time on the internet." I shrug as though that really answers his question. "Like, so much time."

"I dread to think what else you know about," Mikey shudders.

I giggle. "Well I know that you've signed people's inhalers." I then point to Ray. "And you stuck your hand in a cupcake once."

Frank laughs at that. "Ah, I love that video," he says.

"Hey," I tell him. "I also know that you kicked him—" I point at Gerard— "in the balls on stage once, so there's that."

"Gee take her phone away, she doesn't need to spend any more time on the internet," Frank jokes.

"I know you're not being serious, but you're probably right," I admit.

"But then you won't be able to watch cat videos, because cats are the superior animal," Gerard argues.

"Jesus, not this again," Lindsey sighs. But it's clear, the cat versus dog debate will never end in this house.

• • •

just a couple notes

1. no i've never seen jaws

2. ur all cooler than sharks