My nerves over learning to drive didn't stop me from taking weeks to study my ass off for the written test. Yeah, maybe my already nonexistent social life dissipated even further, and the images of various street signs swam around behind my eyelids every time I closed them, but it was worth it because I got a perfect score.

I just got back from outside where I ran out to the mailbox to finally find an envelope containing my license. I immediately tore it open, but upon seeing the picture I stuck it in my pocket because never have I looked so bad.

Not even the picture Frank once took of me when I'd fallen asleep on the couch could compare. Even after he took the time to draw a moustache and monocle on my face.

My hair is sticking up on one side and the flash from the camera makes my eyes look borderline demonic. It was early in the morning, too, so that didn't help the state of me. They didn't even tell me to, "Say Cheese!" before they snapped my photo, so the look on my face is one of someone who's never seen a camera before.

So, naturally, I've decided to pretend it doesn't exist for as long as possible.

I first go to the kitchen where I find Lindsey washing up after our Saturday morning breakfast. Gerard made pancakes and I made sure to lather them in maple syrup. "There's stuff there for you," I say as I put whatever other envelopes I found in the mailbox on the kitchen table.

"Alright, thanks, Girly," she says without turning around. "Your license get here yet?"

"Yeah, it did! Where's Dad? In his office? I gotta go tell him."

"Yeah, he just went up there."

I nod even though she can't see me, then dash up the stairs. "I can now legally drive as long as I have one licensed driver with me in the vehicle!" I announce as I walk into Gerard's nerd room.

He spins his office chair to face me. "Congrats, Eve!" he says proudly. "Now show me the picture."

Well, shit. That didn't last long.

"No, I don't think I will," I put simply, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Come on." He leans back in his chair. "It can't be that bad."

"Oh, but that's where you're wrong. I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry when I saw it." I cover my face with my hands at the memory.

He laughs as if he thinks I'm just over dramatizing this situation, but I'm really not. He then launches into the story of his first ever driver's license picture and how bad that was, how mine couldn't even come close, but cuts himself off abruptly. "It's in your pocket, isn't it?"

I peak through a crack in my fingers. "N-no?"

Gee eyes me with a perfect mixture of disbelief and mischief, and I begin to back away slowly. A single floorboard creaks underfoot and that's when I twirl and make a run for it towards my room.

"Come on, Eve, just let me see it!" Gee chases me down the hall and I only know it because I hear his rapid footsteps behind me. I swing my bedroom door shut, but he stops it with his foot before it clicks.

"Oh shit, oh no." He has me cornered. "What are you gonna do? Forcibly take it from me?" I ask as I back away slowly.

"No, but..." He reaches his hands out toward me and wiggles his fingers in what I think is supposed to be a menacing manner.

I roll my eyes. "I'm not a little kid, you're not gonna tickle me."

He raises his eyebrows in an, "Is that so?" kind of way. And it was apparently not so because in the blink of an eye I'm being thrown onto my bed and tickled on my sides, under my ribs; right where it's most effective.

"You should know not to test me, Evie."

"IT- IT'S NOT MY F-FAULT IF I KICK YOU RIGHT NOW!" I yell as I try and wiggle away.

"Just let me see the picture and the torture ends!"

"N-no!" I gasp, laughing despite how much I don't want to give him the satisfaction. "Please, please stop! I c-can't breath."

When the torture is finally over, I'm gasping for air and tears are about to stream down my face. I start to thank him for finally stopping, but then I notice why he did: that fucker is holding up my license and having almost as much trouble with not laughing as I just was.

I pat my now empty front hoodie pocket. "How did you..." I start, but I'm interrupted when he finally cracks up.

"It looks like a mugshot!" He points at the little picture of my face. "You look so afraid and like you don't wanna be there!"

"Yeah, I told you it was bad." I feel my face turn red. "Do you believe me now?"

He nods, still laughing. "I'm sorry, Eve, but yeah."

Just then Lindsey appears in my doorway. She's holding one of the envelopes I took from the mailbox just earlier, but the top's been torn off. Her face is unreadable to me, though I think she might be trying not to cry. I've never seen Linds cry before.

As soon as he sees her, Gee's face falls. "What happened?" he asks worriedly.

Linds holds up an official looking letter. I can't read a word of it from where I'm sitting over on my bed. "It's..." She trails off as she looks over at me quickly, then settles on saying, "You have to see this, Gee."

He drops my license onto my bed next to me, which I snatch up and stick back in my pocket, and crosses the room to Lindsey. All the lightheartedness has been sucked out of the room, and although I have no idea what's going on, I know it can't be good.

When he takes one look at the letter, only needing to read the top line, and covers his mouth in disbelief, I have to ask, "Dad, what is it?"

"Eve, um—" He looks over at Lindsey for help, but she seems to be at a loss of what to say. She's avoiding my eyes. "—we're gonna go talk in my office, okay? Just wait here."

"Oh, okay." And with that they leave me alone in my room, shutting the door behind them.

I busy myself by hiding my license in my wallet and then making my bed that got disheveled it the whatever you call what happened only a few minutes ago. I rearrange my many pillows a few too many times, fluffing them each at least twice. If anyone doesn't know what to get me as a gift, a pillow or a blanket is probably a good idea. When I'm done fluffing all the pillows and I've thrown the last one in its place, I sit down and bounce my leg nervously.

Whatever was written in that letter was obviously about me. The way both Lindsey and Gerard looked at me and couldn't tell me anything makes me me sure of it.

But what it might be about, I have no idea.

As always, I think back to anything I might've done that could've landed me in some trouble, but nothing that might merit a letter comes to mind. Soon enough, the swirling of my thoughts in the silence of my bedroom becomes unbearable and I find myself silently tiptoeing down the hall and pressing my ear against the door to the office.

I know I shouldn't be doing this, and I know I might regret it, but the suspension was killing me.

"Can they even do that?" I hear Lindsey's muffled voice ask.

"They fucking did it, didn't they?" Gee's voice replies. He sounds angry and defeated. "It's official. We're going to court."

• • •

here's a chapter because the black parade came out 13 yrs ago today

it's officially a teenager.

they grow up so fast