As soon as Gerard and I got home yesterday after my therapy session, I got a text from Emerald. Climbing the stairs toward my room, I looked down at my phone screen to read the five words she always asks at about 5:20PM on Thursdays, because she knows that's when I usually get home: How did it go today?

And, yes, I know it's unwise that I was looking at my phone while on the stairs when I can barely maneuver them without a distraction. I guess I just like living on the edge sometimes.

As I reached the top of the stairs I heard Lindsey's voice ring out from the kitchen, "Just letting you know dinner will be ready soon, Eve!"

Before I could even reply, Gee's voice chimed in with a little, "Yay!" The door to his office must've been open.

"Is your name Eve?" Lindsey calls again.

I laugh to myself as she and Gerard keep shouting out at each other through the house, then shut my door which does nothing to drown them out. It doesn't bother me, though. It's all in good fun and they rarely (if ever) fight or argue.

Evelyn: it went well. nothing really out of the ordinary

Emerald: Okay, just checking :)

Emerald: I got you something today.

Evelyn: you what now

Emerald: I got you a gift. I saw it at the mall and I thought you might like it.

Evelyn: emmm christmas just happened, I type quickly then glance over at the large stuffed bear on my bed near my pillow. It's white and has an emerald green bow. I named it Jacques.

Emerald: I know :) I'll give it to you tomorrow at school.

And, well, that was yesterday and now it's tomorrow at school. Em's mom dropped us off about five minutes ago and Em hasn't said a word, which is unlike her. She also hasn't stopped smiling in a way that says she's trying her hardest not to smile and look too excited, but she's failing.

I follow her down the hallway toward her locker, pushing through a crowd of people as we go. I swear, instead of walking on the sides, everyone decides to create a Great Wall of High School Students across the width of the hallway.

If I wasn't so afraid of social interaction I might copy Em in yelling, "Excuse me!" as I go. Too bad the prospect of speaking to most kids my age terrifies me.

I guess you could say teenagers scare the living shit out of me.

Finally, we arrive at the end of the hallway where it's a lot less crowded and quieter. We stop in front of Emerald's locker.

"Sooo," I lean against the blue, paint chipped lockers, not knowing what to say.

"I just wanted to get here where there's less people before giving it to you." Em slings her sparkly, dark blue bag off her shoulders. It's similar to my black one that I still use after all this time. She unzips the small front pocket of her bag and out of it takes a little black box which she hands to me.

"Okay, so this seems shady," I joke as I take it from her. Em giggles. "Don't laugh that wasn't funny."

"Just because I'm laughing doesn't mean you're funny, I just have a terrible sense of humour," she remarks, crossing her arms.

I roll my eyes. "Good to know the only good thing about me has been a lie all along."

"That's not true, but I don't have time to argue with you," Em says, getting anxious as the bell is about to ring and I'm still just holding this box. "So, please, just open it!"

"If you hadn't waited all morning to give it to me—"

"Eve!"

"Sorry." I take the lid off the box to reveal a silver necklace with a black heart pendant. I stare down at it for a few seconds in awe. "What the heck, it's so pretty, thank you so much."

Before I can hug her she says, "It's a locket. Open it."

I do as she says. It's a picture of us together. I'm grinning at the camera like an idiot, my eyes scrunched shut, and she's looking at me with an expression that says, "Yeah, she's an idiot, but she's my idiot." We have our arms around each other.

"Em," I breathe. "This is... how did you get a picture so small?"

"Trial and error."

• • •

Later on after school I put on my locket and spend a little too long staring at it in awe in my bathroom mirror. I'm so fixated on it, in fact, that I don't hear the front door open.

Or the people speaking downstairs.

Or the person walking up the stairs toward my room, who then enters my room, then pokes their head into my bathroom.

"Evelyn?"

I clasp my hand around the locket protectively, a reflex I should not have had time to develop yet. "You can't just sneak up on me like that, Frankie!"

He ignores what I've said and looks at me sideways like a puppy. "What's that?"

"What's what?"

"Your necklace? You're not wearing a choker."

He knows me so well. I feel my cheeks turn red and I break eye contact, glancing down at the floor. "Em got it for me." A smile plays on my lips.

"Aw," he coos. "Can I see?"

I hold it out for him and he takes a step closer, examining the pendant as if he actually cares about jewelry.

"And it's a locket," I say as I open it.

"Black heart. She definitely knows you well." Frank nods his approval. He squints. "How the fuck did she get a picture so small?"

"That's what I said!" I laugh.

After we've finished laughing about the tiny picture, which wasn't even that funny, and Frank has called me a "lovebird," we head down to the living room. I'm greeted by the sight of Ray, Mikey, and Gerard all sitting on the couch. Lindsey decided to let us reminisce about our very first movie night and went to a friend's house, but vowed not to miss any of our future ones.

Sure, we've hung out together lots, and even watched movies, but the way this is organized brings back memories. The bowl of popcorn on the coffee table in front of the couch, the pizza box sitting next to it. The readiness on everyone's faces to sit down and enjoy a film make me feel like I need to go back to my old ways of pretending that I, too, am ready. But I no longer need to pretend.

At least, I didn't think I did.

That old feeling of anxiety washes over me and suddenly I feel like maybe it's too soon to bring this back. Maybe I can't just sit around eating pizza, something that makes me happy, just for the sake of making myself happy.

Maybe I don't deserve it.

Frank plops down on the couch next to Ray leaving no space for me. "This always happens," I whine. Everyone looks at each other, not wanting to be the one to give up their seat. I sigh. "While you guys sort this out I'm gonna, um, get myself some water."

I head to the kitchen and grab a glass from the cabinet. I notice my hands are shaking every so slightly as I fill my glass with cold water.

After I plopped three ice cubes into my drink (it's been long enough that I don't think I could break that habit if I wanted to), I lean against the kitchen counter. Partially because it's comfortable, but also because I'm stalling. I find myself not wanting to go back to the living room.

Holding my glass in my right hand, I stare down at my fingernails on my left anxiously. "What's up, Evie?" Gerard's voice makes me jump. Barely managing not to spill any water, I look up.

I realize I've been standing here for a lot longer than I intended. "I'm scared, Dad."

"Why are you scared, darling?" A look of concern is evident on his face.

"Because—" I take a sip of my water as I think of the right way to put what's rushing through my mind. "Because when I came downstairs and I saw the food on the table I felt nervous like I used to. And... I don't want to feel that way."

"I don't want you to feel that way either, but you just have to work through it, you know? Tell whatever's telling you in your head that you can't do it to fuck off. Because you can do it. You know that. We all know that."

Do we?

Yes. Yes we do.

"It just reminded me of when I couldn't tell it to fuck off. But I'm stronger now."

Gee smiles proudly. "You got it."

I take a deep breath in and out to calm my nerves. "Can- can I have a hug?"

"Of course."

When we go back to the living room we find a way to squish all of us on the couch. It's not the most comfortable set-up, but we don't actually give a shit. And after I've had one final discussion about my necklace where Ray and Mikey wonder in unison how the hell my girlfriend got a picture small enough to fit in that tiny black heart, we start the movie.

Successfully pushing away my negative thoughts, I enjoy a couple slices of pizza and some popcorn. And you know what I call that? Growth.