Lately everyone has been enjoying my chapters but I get a lot of comments saying they're mad at the characters. It's kinda humorous how invested some of you are lmao XD

🚨TW: sexual misconduct!!!! Knives. Blood. Stabbing. This is your warning.

Buzzcut season - Lorde

[i get peaceful vibes from this song]

Lemme just... 📸 ooh so photogenic lemme just... 📸📸

On with with chapter... 🌌

*********

Emilia POV ✨

Four months later. It's been a long time. Four months later and I still feel like I've lost everything I ever had. It's all gone.

I have nothing left of me.

At this moment in time I'm just a walking corpse, a bag of organs, bones and blood. No soul left for me to drain out with the stress.

No one was here for me anymore. All I wanted to do was cry on someone's shoulder and tell it was going to be okay but I can't pretend I'm okay when I'm not.

"Are you okay?" My new English teacher asks. She reminded me of Miss Honey from Matilda. So caring and approachable. Our old teacher left so he could move onto better opportunities, and I'm glad actually that he left.

Blade would send an approving nod to me whenever he'd see me, we wouldn't speak though. It's just awkward between us.

I kept their secret and in return they kept away from me. Just the way I wanted it.

Diego would always mouth the words 'I love you' to me every morning but I always ignore him. Luca still hasn't come out yet but he'll do it in his own time, I always see him sneaking off with a boy at lunch. God knows what they're doing.

The guy who he was dating was very attractive not going to lie. A beautiful, dark complexion and mesmerising tightly coiled hair. I wish all men looked like that, he was gorgeous.

But we're all gorgeous in our own way.

"No." It's best be honest because I've had no sleep recently. I have slept but only like an hour or so every night. Coffee keeps me going though. Karen thankfully allowed me to have the decaf version, Alessandro never allowed me to touch coffee.

Just smile and people think you're okay.

At night is when it's worse, I can't stop thinking and as much as I want to my mind just won't switch off.

Then I feel scared to be by myself. It frightens me. I frighten myself. My thought frighten me.

I'm scared of myself.

"Aww why?" She comes closer to my desk as the other kids were heading out for lunch time.

"No reason. Just tired," I yawn on queue. The only time I can sleep is when I'm cuddled in Felix because it makes me feel warm inside and at home again.

"You look it too, you can sleep in here if you like while everyone's out at lunch?" She asks in a hopeful tone. At first, I was glad she offered me the classroom to sleep in, but what if someone just walks in?

"Hmm I don't know about that..."

"It's fine. I'll just be doing some work and marking students books so you don't have to worry about anyone walking in," she lifts up a heavy pile of students books.

"If you insist..." I take her up on her offer and pull out the chair next to me so I can lift my legs up.

I press my head against the wall and lean it against my hands. I take my blazer off and wrap is across my body as protection of some sort.

"EMILIA!" Shawn shouts at me. I'd accidentally broken a plate, my mama's plate in specific. She loved it because it had a picture of Princess Diana on the front.

It's been two days since she passed away, I'd just wished I had more time to spend with her. I saw her an hour before she passed, but still, I was a raging mess.

My life was a mess. So was the house, Shawn invited a few friends over. Tate and Michael I think they're called, they seem intimidating and intrusive. Tate walked into my room one time while I was changing without even knocking. I was decent - kind of - I just had shorts and a vest on.

Shawn started drinking a lot, and becoming a lot more violent but I was okay with it. He's just grieving and he needs some time.

"Sorry," I bend down to pick up the big ceramic shards of plate. I'm just a huge clumsy girl lately, I had butter fingers where everything slipped.

"Pick it up," he growls and drifts past me to the fridge to pull out another bottle of whisky that's been there for less than an hour.

It's his daily ritual: eat, sleep, drink alcohol and repeat.

I'd tried expressing my anger through art but I wasn't motivated enough. For some reason, when I'd try to speak to my friends at school they'd just ignore me and laugh.

But I'm also to blame, I'd cut them off too slightly. It doesn't excuse them for laughing at my dead mother.

"Quicker!" He pushes a booted foot to my back, throwing me to the ground. I let out a whimper when my knees press into the sharp ceramic that I hadn't cleared yet.

With a final kick in the ribs, I scream in pain whilst still feeling the wrath of his kick from the steel toe cap boots he always wore.

That's the first time it happened.

And so life went on living through utter complete tragedy.

A short tap to my shoulder wakes me up, I jolt up straight in my seat kicking the chair my legs were rested on.

That's when I saw all of the students flooding into the classroom. An intelligent girl, brown glasses and braided hair and her uniform rested nice and neat on her shoulders, she was waiting for me politely to move out of her seat.

A pink, rosy petalled flower was embroidered and sewn into the pocket of the blazer adding a chic design to it.

"You're in my seat," she smiles - genuinely - at me and takes the seat beside me as my eyes were still adjusting to the light. I had no idea who she was, I was in the wrong class.

She was in Blade's year, I've seen them walking into the same classes before, that could mean he was in this class. I had to leave.

I had science next which is in the opposite building but being honest, I couldn't be bothered. I could just stay here and camp out, science requires too much writing and I can't be arsed with that. But he could be here.

What I was pretty angry about was the fact the teacher didn't wake me like she promised so now I have to find a way out of the sea of tall students.

Come to think of it, I haven't stopped growing. My legs just keep growing and they won't stop. I'm still average height but I'm excited for when I become really tall. Victoria's Secret is calling.

Though it frustrating me how I'm gaining more bone weight than muscle weight. Who cares? I just hope my period can hurry the fuck yo because it's been stuck in traffic for a year now.

"Oh Uhhh sorry," I fumble for my bag but it wasn't zipped so all the contents fell out. Pens, pencils and my watercolour pencils scattered everywhere across the floor and under people's chairs.

I was shaking violently making it difficult for me to gather them together them together. My knees were cold from being pressed into the dirty classroom carpet that had sharpens from other students.

Sweat balanced on the line of my brows but it was a shivering sweat from my short nightmare.

Low cackles of 'the boys' echo through my ears making my heart pound and scurry even more to get out of here. They were second year just like Blade so they were anxiously tall to look at. One glance made you cower into a hole.

"Pick em up," a boy with fresh, large kickers on, kicks the remaining pens and pencils across the floor. He laughed at me as I bite my lip trying to be quicker.

Fuck you, asshole.

I hadn't realised I'd said that aloud until gasps surrounded the room and I was viciously yanked to my feet by the man himself and pressed against the wall banging my head.

"Danny, let her go," a woman with extremely (self) tanned skin and long, artificial eye lashes and over lined lips giggles to him. "She's just a kid." She laughed again.

Her long talons trailed up the crevice of his spine in a sensual manner - seductive almost. This boy was the kind of boy to wear ugly hats that look like aliens with the goggles on and those same looking tracksuits they all wear. But they were also the kind of boys that would frighten me by just standing up.

"Hey, ya big rat! Take my two middle fingers and suck on them!" I shove both of my middle fingers in his face which was a terrible move on my behalf.

His friends continued to walk to their seats in the back in their precious, hostile gang. I never understood 'the boys' because they're all pricks who find dark humour funny.

No hunny, dark humour isn't funny unless you've suffered the trauma yourself. Don't make jokes about sensitive subjects that trigger a lot of people. It's simple really, unless you've suffered the trauma you're joking about, then you can't make the joke.

I just hate boys.

I don't like boys. I love men. All except my brothers but they come under boys don't they?

He presses a deadly, sharp and rough hand to my throat, "I can feel your heart pulse under my hand. You're scared. Now piss off. Freak," he drops me to the ground where I was greeted with a staggering Blade to my sight.

"Danny keep your filthy hands away from my baby sister. Okay?!" Blade shoves him back harshly until he hits the wall. Danny moves in closer to Blade and laughs in his face, Blade was three inches taller on a rough scale making him look more intimidating.

He backs away, cowering his head below his shoulders and moves to the back of the classroom.

He should've let him hit me. I'd be fine with that. I don't think it would even hurt if the boy 'Danny' hit me. Who knows, I was used to it.

"Sorry, dude. Didn't know you had a sister," Danny sends Blade an apologetic nod.

"Well you know now. She's a human, not a dog so treat her with some respect," Blade spits at him. Danny nods in response shaking a little.

Not sure whether to thank Blade or hit him. A part of me wanted to be hit I'm not going to lie. I wanted to see if it would hurt just as much as it did before.

"You're one to talk," I scoff at him rubbing the area on my neck which probably have the printed pattern of Danny's hand.

"Huh?" He presses an offended hand to his chest. "Me?"

"Yes, want me to spell it out for you?" I growl trying to scoop up all of my pencils not caring if I left a few behind. They all pooled at the bottom of my bag; I hadn't organised them back into their cases so

that was a job I had to do later.

"You treated me like a dog for as long as I can remember, don't be so hypocritical. Don't you have a girl to toy with?!" I barge my shoulder against his arm rolling my eyes at him.

"What? No! You're lucky I saved you there, Danny doesn't take threats lightly," he warns me with a finger. Shiver me timbers, I'm scared of an insecure man who lets his toxic masculinity get the better of him.

"Does my face look like it cares? No," I deadpan and proceed to the exit. "Oh and for the record, don't call me your sister. Or don't call me a baby. Better yet, don't call me at all," I suggest with a cheesy yet brusque smile.

"Don't you think this is getting petty now? What do you want me to do? I'll get down in my hands and knees if I have to," he literally, drops to his knees in front of everyone and presses his hands together like he was praying.

Cheeky thoughts popped into my head, I use this to my advantage to make. Look like I was willing to talk. Blade was vulnerable and for the first time in forever, I had more powerful than him.

People began to stare at us at the front of the classroom as Blade gather my sweaty palms into his rough callouses and kissed them while begging me for forgiveness.

All I could do was roll my eyes at him. What did he expect me to do? To just forgive him and his brothers and everything would be fine? That's not home it works, buddy. You need to learn that you don't own anyone.

"Please, we can make our way back from this. I know we can," his eyes were squeezed shut. So I rip my hands from his and say, "try harder, buddy."

"I swear- urghhh," he growls to himself, he raised his fists in the air but reluctantly pulls them back down to his side.

He stares in awe but it's recovered with a gruesome scowl but nothing escapes his mouth.

He begins to sway back to his seat with fists clenched and chest heaving up and down at a rapid pace. He was going to blow. His jaw locked in place, not moving the slightest.

"Blade, you cool?" Danny tried to smooth the tension in the air but Blade glares at him and sends a flying fist into his face.

Gripping the back of his head, he swings back and pulls his head closer to a plummeting fist into his nose which seeped with blood that stained Blade's knuckles.

Danny falls backwards on his chair as Blade smiles and cracking his neck and knuckles in satisfaction, smearing the blood in his palms which he rubbed across his crisp white shirt.

"Thanks for volunteering to be my punch bag," he releases a sigh of relief and slumps down in his seat lifting his legs to the desk.

Danny was choking on his own blood as I stood there and watch everything unravel at the front of the classroom. Where was the teacher?!

The excessively tanned woman runs to Danny's side, squirming at the sight of blood - that swelled from his nostrils - and tried with her best efforts to pull his up to his feet.

Meh, he deserved it to be honest. He needed to be humbled. So does my brother, his pride gets the better of him.

Arrogant asshole.

Rolling my eyes, I begin to run to my last period - history. Don't get me wrong, I loved it and it was a peaceful way to end the day but it requires so much writing sometimes especially when we have to write a summary at the end of the lesson.

I was way too late.

***************

I can myself trying to cool my body with my hand but all I was doing is wafting warm air into my face. My blood coiled in the twenty degree weather.

Summers at school were always uncomfortable especially when you'd have to hike up the mountains of stairs to get to your lesson.

As I trudge out of school, I pull my shirt away from my body letting the ventilation seep through my blouse.

I'd forgotten Felix was still in school but all I wanted to do was go home and have a cool shower to cool myself off and get rid of the building sweat all day.

Warm breeze glided through my repairing hair which continued to grow and grow. I'd asked Karen if I could get a few products for my hair to make sure I take care of it again. I want the luscious curls I once had but with my experience with Shawn, I'd lost too much weight.

My hair would snap because it was so brittle and now I feel better in myself and a lot more positive without the dead weight of Shawn and my brothers hanging from my back. They were a nuisance to me and I finally got cleansed off them.

That was until today.

Four months I was free, like a flying bird soaring through the sky, but Blade shit me and I came crashing back down to the ground. Depressing actually.

To think I was feeling amazing and Merry again but this just put a downer on my entire mood.

Scorching weather, temper boiling like the sun wasn't the best combination for my already frustrated self at the moment. It made me want to pop and explode into shards of fury.

So I drag my feet across the pavement scuffing the bottoms of my heavy docs which pulled my feet to the ground.

Not many people were around us because they were all sat on benches or the boys were going to a fire or near school to play football. A great day for great sports right?

It always irritated me on how men would walk around all sweaty and shit without a shirt on but when I woman wants to wear a shirt with no bra they're shamed upon.

But no, as long as the patriarchy exists, women aren't free to do as they like. Seriously though, men can walk around with their pants hanging off of their arses smelling of smoke and sweat with a mixture of deodorants but women can't go a day without wearing a bra?

Cool, dude.

As I got down a quieter street, not too far from home (my real home with Felix), I spot a man on the opposite side of the road watching my every move.

Every step I took, he followed behind. I even took three random rights and one left turn so I was sure he was definitely following me. And he was.

I was walking farther away from home rather than getting closer to it but my hopes were I'd lose him along the way. I don't ant him knowing where I live.

I could go back to the mansion. Maybe he won't think of following me through the gates of high tech security. Maybe he'll be intimidated because I sure as hell know I would be intimidated if I looked at a vast house that looked to be painted of the riches from the earth.

He man looked all too familiar. Too familiar to just be a random acquaintance from anywhere. I knew him.

But it wasn't clicking to me.

Sharply, I was yanked back by the handle of my backpack into a large grasp of meaty hands and a pungent smell. He dragged me down an ally way away from society and into the darkness.

I knew the feeling of his dirty, sausage like fingers that would prod into my shoulders and squeeze them uneasily.

"Hey, baby," I feel a kiss to my cheek, his breath throwing out respired scents of cheap cider and whiskey as a mixture.

His lips trailed down my face to my jaw then to my neck were he sucks the skin into his mouth harshly.

I scream but his meaty hand makes it way to my mouth where I can taste the bitterness of his dirtiness. He never washed them when I was with him.

Shawn.

"I told you I'd come for you. You missed papa?" He drew his words out slowly like he was tripping and stumbling over them.

I scream again. But it was muffled into to splintering murmurs of help.

I can breath again when his hand is pulled from my mouth allowing me to take everything in.

He shouldn't be here. He should be in prison. This isn't real. This isn't real. This isn't real. Please, I beg of you, just let this be over already!!

"Did you like my letter?" He breaks out into many vibratos of laughter.

"Get off of me!" I thrash in his arms but they slither further under my shirt, gripping my stomach roughly and squeezing it. One other hand traces around in circles until he reach my butt, he squeezes it as I plead for him to stop.

Bringing his mouth to my ear, I could smell the wrenching aroma of bitterness invading my sense of smell. He whispers directly above my ear in a sore tone: "I've missed you ever so much, baby. Maybe we can go back Brighton, aye?"

My head shakes itself furiously - even cracking my neck - as whimper for him to let me go.

"I heard you got a new family here? That true?" He pulls me in closer to his body and I feel his coldness radiating from his body.

I had to lie.

As much as I hate my family, I really hope they'll swoop in and save me at the end of the day.

What if they were the ones who brought his here? What if this is a punishment? What if they're selling me? What if I'm going back... with him.

"LET ME GO!!" I cry and tears steam and strike down my sore face. He was hurting me. All over again.