Hellllooooo

Fear of water - SYML

On with the chapter... 💃🏼🏳️‍🌈

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✨Emilia POV

I wish I could tell you it was all a dream, but I'd be lying to you and myself. As much as I want it to be a dream, it wasn't. I dreamt it was all a dream, but then I'd wake up and realise it was all true.

Living in a nightmare is so cruel and wicked, just wake me already, I'm tired of crying.

As a matter of fact, I did save my tears for Felix's pillow. I wonder to myself, why was this happening to me? Me in particular? We were all so great and we got in well, but then he stabbed me and pulled the life out of me.

Thankfully, Felix's family said I could stay here for as long as I needed, and Rain gave me some of her clothes. I didn't have any clothes with me other than my school uniform which I hadn't worn in days. Instead, I remained locked up in Felix's room and in his bed until it was time for dinner.

School, I didn't go, it would hurt me too much to see them. So I simply stayed in Felix's bed, crying and drowning in my own tears.

I'm not sure if what he said was some kind of a sick joke but I'm not laughing. He hurt my mother who is no longer here to back herself up. I refer to her as my mother because he lost the title of being family.

And what he said about drugs and killing people - even mentioning Felix's sister - was the last draw.

"Hey," Felix walks in with his backpack tightened on his back. He shuts the bedroom door and throws his bag into the corner of the room. The impact made an emphatic and boisterous rumble on the floor.

"Hi," I mutter.

"Everyone is asking where you are... teachers say they might visit home," he sighs and takes a seat next to me on his bed.

"School is the last thing on my mind," I clench my jaw turning away. I've missed so much of school lately, with the holidays included too. My academic progress isn't great.

I knew I'd have to go back soon, maybe tomorrow and Friday. Home shouldn't affect my school work.

"I know. Rain asked if she could come and see you, I had promised you'd be there tomorrow," he removes his clip-on tie and hangs his blazer up, stuffing the tie in the left pocket.

"Mmk," I mumble under my breath, not caring what he was saying. I swing my legs over the edge of the bed and look at my patchy legs. They were pinkish and blotches of blue shone through.

"So you're coming to school tomorrow?" He asks me with a hopeful tone.

"If I'm up to it, sure."

I wasn't up to anything. Even doing the simplest of things sounded like the most difficult task in the entire world.

"Well my mum has started dinner and she wants us to go to the shops," he suggested to me. He wanted me to go outside, like in public.

I couldn't do that, people will laugh at me, Alessandro probably told everyone about my past and told them how horrible I was. Everyone knows already. They must do... right?

I felt like I would die if I exit the house, hawks eye's watching me as I stalk the neighbourhood and streets.

"Do I have to?"

"Yes. She said you need the air. And we can talk a little if you like?" He recommends trying to lift the mood, but I couldn't even afford a smile.

"Less talking," I stand up and pull one of Felix's coats from the hooks. It was puffy and drowned me like Kelsey tried to. At least I can make jokes about it. I'm the biggest joke of existence. The anticipation and joy of dying seems so... pleasant to me right now. I just want to crawl away and never come out again.

"Aren't you changing?" He looks uneasy at my choice of attire: a large coat, cycle shorts and a Hufflepuff shirt which the majority of this belonged to Rain and the coat to Felix.

"No," I open his door and stuff and hands into the deep pockets fiddling around with some receipts and change he had. The pockets jingled when I ran down the steps and out of the door.

"You could've waited for me," he wraps the scarf around his neck which was previously trailing across the stunned and gravely terrain. It angered me how some grass pocked through the stones, I wanted to pick it.

Sunset was bliss to my eyes - they had been blessed. The tranquillity and lavishness just burned through the atmosphere, like a goddess. Everyone was watching her as she walks down the runway.

And the raven outline of crows that glide and slice through the air with their feathers that played like instruments, was just apocalyptic.

Sun was a gorgeous model I aspire to be. Magnificently tragical that she'll die one day.

"Could you hold my hand?" I whimper as the frigid air attacks my skin in a battle of warmth.

He shakes his head and smiles then interlaces his fingers with mine, connecting them like two wires to create electricity.

"We need onions, bell peppers and cucumbers. Then we can go home," he tells me in a gleeful attitude.

I hated cucumbers, they were always chewy and rotten in my opinion. And it tastes like salty water.

"Emilia?" Two figures stop in front of me and I turn away in shame. Gert and Tiana stand there looking expensive and affluent.

"Umm."

"We're going by the house if you want to come. And sorry we haven't been here lately, we have been staying at my parents," Tiana speaks sweetly and I balance on the sides of my shoes, I wasn't sure in what to do now. They didn't know what Al did.

"Actually she's fine with me. We're having dinner at my house, but she'll see you soon... I guess," Felix fills in for me, if I spoke to them I'd probably cry.

"Oh okay. Thanks, pip," Gert scrunches up his hair leaving it messier than it was before. I loved how soft his hair was and how luxurious it was.

"Well you're missing out, Lucifer I think his name was, said he was coming over with Mia. Dunno who they are but Axel gave me a call," Gert tries to persuade me with my beautiful boy.

I missed Luci. A lot actually. I hadn't even seen Neon too, he probably hates me more than Alessandro does.

"I'm fine, I'll pass. I'll see you?" It dripped off of my mouth more like a question, I didn't know when I'd see them again.

"See you later on!" Gert waves and Tiana smiles at me as they walk straight past us with their heels clicking on the pavement.

I've been sighing a lot lately, and I just did I again. I never needed them before and I do not need them now. I went thirteen years of my life without them and I'll never need them again.

Who needs family when all they do is lie to you and let you down time and time after again.

I don't need my 'family' to survive. I lived through Shawn's hell and I can live without them.

They couldn't even share a glance with me like I was invisible to them now. Just like before when they had no idea that I even existed.

I still remained sleeping at Felix's and the longer I stayed there the more I felt guilty. I should be doing something to help his parents out around the house but every time I offer, they insist that it's okay.

That's the thing, I don't feel 'okay' anymore. I can't even lie to people when they ask me how I am. I tell them the truth. I feel like every day that I respire, I am dying. Technically, every day that I do live I am slowly dying anyway.

But I can't die when it feels like I'm already dead inside.

The school was actually easy to handle, especially when Jen they tried everything in their power to stay far away from me. I did lock eyes with Luca occasionally, but he turned away like he'd been caught doing a crime.

I finish on the toilet and flush then wash my hands and make an exit, but I run back in the toilets when I see Aspen walk in. Her red hair that collapsed in waves over her shoulders were easy to identify it was her.

My hand smothers my mouth to contain my sharp breathing. She couldn't possibly know it was me.

The filling sound of the sink and the splashing of water fills the room, right before the door creaks open again and slams shut.

Relying on the deathly silence, I open up the stall and poke my head around so I know no one is here then make my exit.

I shouldn't have to live like this. I should be able to walk around the school freely without a care I the world but instead, I'm worrying that one of my brothers or their friends will see me. I guarantee Kelsey is enjoying this right now.

In the distance, I see a familiar body of Luca. His same backpack that had his name in blue embroidered into the fabric of the backpack.

He was with someone, they were kissing and holding hands. I move in closer so I'm a few meters away and that's when I see it.

Luca's lips were locked with a guy's lips from the year above us - they were in the year below Blade. They give each other a peck then separate their bodies. But their arms and hands still remained tangled together, they were giving each other a big hug. This was so adorable, the fan girl in me was screaming inside.

Luca's back was facing me, so the other guy could easily see me stood behind them, so he pointed it out with an unfazed expression. No emotion other than a grin and gleam of love and affection. He points over Luca's shoulder right at me.

I look behind me just to make sure there wasn't anybody behind me. You never know.

They pull away from one another and part their different ways, I was stood there like a deer in a road as Luca stops and stares at me in shock.

He looks like he's gonna cry, but I smile at me genuinely and walk past him, but I stop and place a hand on his shoulder.

"I-I-"

"It's fine. I won't say anything," I tell him quietly and pat his back before going to the dinner hall.

My voice didn't have to scratch another word, it's all I had to say to show my total support. He didn't need a speech from me, he just needed to know I was here for him whenever he needed me. Like a diary, he would tell me anything he likes and I wouldn't mutter a word to anyone. Locked and I threw away the key.

I was proud of him, there was always something in me that knew I guess, I was incredibly proud of him. This is huge news, and I'm going to respect Luca plus he'll come out in his own time.

With a satisfied smile, for the first time in forever, I walk into the canteen and take a seat with Felix and Rain who looked pleased to see me.

"You look happy, is there a reason why?" Rain states unsure.

There was a major reason why I was so happy. Luca and I (my entire family actually) weren't in great terms but I was still happy for Luca. He found a lover and I couldn't be any more excited for him.

"No reason," I lie.

"Yeah? I haven't seen you happy in a while... you okay?" Rain asks again and I nod.

She leans over the table away from Felix but it didn't stop him from hearing, "did you get your period?" She whispers loudly making Felix and blush.

"Uhhhh... no."

Getting my period would be amazing, I'd be happy and sad at the same time. It would mean hell for like a week. But then again I'd be a woman.

"Can't I just be happy?" I smirk and take a long glance, following Luca who just re-entered the canteen looking anxious and on edge.

He stares deeply at me, his eyes pound into mine as his lips tremble and chin moves rapidly. A tear doesn't escape but I can tell if he was alone he'd be crying.

He shouldn't be crying, he should be enjoying himself. I'd love to meet the mystery lover of his, I hope he's a nice guy and isn't a rude meanie with the personality of a cardboard box.

"Lunch ends in five, aren't you eating?" Felix asks me, moving into my eyesight blocking my vision of a distraught Luca.

"I'm cool. Not too hungry, I'll last," I steal a fry from Rain's dish and shove it down my throat.

"Sure, just steal my food," Rain throws her hands in the air. I steal a few more in response just to see her complain. Ny throat contracts a giggle and surrender when she threatens me with her palm.

I stand up, after only sitting for a few minutes as the bell rang, then I rush off to my class as fast as I can. English was at the other side of the building and the teacher already despises enough and I don't need him hating my entire existence now do I?

I'm not sure if he knows about me skipping the detention a while ago when I talked back to him, but he seemed to have forgotten all about it.

"Watch it," my shoulder runs into the grey, metal lockers as I feel another shoulder barge past me. Josh groans and curses at me.

"Well excuse you," I shout after him, he stops to stare at me.

"Still look as ugly as you did before," he laughs to himself and flicks my forehead before returning back to his trails.

Was that really necessary? Apart from the time I stood on his foot for hurting Blade, he has no other reason to hate me.

When you're in an argument the worst thing you can do is pick on their looks, no matter how much you hate them at that moment, picking on the way they look isn't the best technique because you'll only receive the same hate to you.

Don't pick on someone's looks if you don't want them to do it back. Simple as.

It was true. They all hated me. Despised me. Seven weeks without contact and this is the first thing they say to me.

"A tip! Get a haircut!" He shouts from the stairs laughing with all of the other boys. In particular Jayden and Blade. They really thought that about me?

Cool. Just keep walking. Just keep swimming. Just keep respiring for eighty more years and we're cool.

I open the classroom door to English where everyone stares at me and gawks as I make my way to my designated seat.

"Just in time, Miss Russo before the bell went-

He didn't get time to finish, the bell sliced through the thick classroom air.

"So, today's lesson we'll be analysing the character, Lennie, in 'Of Mice and Men.' Last lesson we took a vote on who your favourite character was and many of you said 'Crooks' and 'Candy' were your favourite characters. We will retake that vote again at the end of the lesson to see if you have changed your mind. Okay?"

The class mumbles and out of tune and incoherent murmurs of 'yes sir' as the teacher walks us through the presentation on the board.

Lennie seems like that guy that would hold your drink for you but he'd drink it for himself. He's quite dopey and gormless. Doesn't really know what he's doing half of the time.

In other words: he's dumb.

No offence to him because he seems sweet and everything and innocent (most of the time) but I'd want to hit him all of the time. I'm not sure how George copes with him sometimes.

He seems to have taken a large interest in Curly's wife too, I could call him a home wrecker too.

Something quick flashes by my eyes in a flutter, I lose my sight for a second before I trace my eyes to the flying beauty in the air.

He was back.

Moth.

I see him say a few meters away from me on the window, but there was something different about him. He seemed more hazel from the last I saw of him which was a few months ago.

Was this Moth? It didn't look like him that much.

My cheeks pull themselves into a glowing smile as I try my hardest to divert my attention back onto the board. If I could, I'd hug Moth right now but I don't want anyone thinking I'm a weird freak.

He's always been there for me when I need him, I just wish he was in my life sooner.

Who needs men when you have Moth to comfort you? Moth is all I need in life, we'll grow old and live in a cottage just like we'd planned.

"Tracking the board please," the teacher clicks his thumb and middle finger in front of my track of sight.

"Oops... sorry," I mumble and twist my neck to track the board but I occasionally exchange glances with Moth.

I think I almost fell asleep the lesson was that boring. Basically we read an extract from the book and had to write a paragraph about our opinions on Lennie. He annoys me. He's adorable but annoying.

In my eyes a paragraph is seven lines so that'll have to do, I had been writing all day in maths and science so I couldn't really be arsed to do anymore. That's enough of school for me for the day.

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The bell rang a few minutes ago and now I was waiting for him at the front gates in the pre-spring air. The sun was flowing as per usual, but she wasn't as warm as she is in summer. It's still painful to stand int he weather for too long, especially in a skirt and tights with a thin school shirt.

"Can we talk please?" My whole body is twisted and faced towards Luca's shaking body. His hands were trembling and below him lip was red and had bite marks from biting his lip.

"Please... quick before Blade and Diego come," he pulls me away from the gate and behind the bush. Just a few meters away from where I was previously stood.

"Luca don't... you don't have to say anything. I'm happy for you, truly I am," I smile at him but he slaps himself across the cheek and I stare in awe at his outrageous moment.

"Uhhh are you okay?" I blink with no other emotions present on my face. My mouth was open as I watch him continue to slap himself whilst he calls himself 'stupid' but I found it weird how he was slapping himself for no reason.

"I'm sorry. You weren't meant to see us..." he struggles to get the words out.

"Kissing? It's really no big deal, Luca. I'm not fazed by it, I'm proud of you!" I shake his shoulders cheering him on.

"Thank you. But please don't tell anybody and that includes your detective pal... okay?" He tells with a pointed finger.

I scowl at him, 'detective pal' was for sure aimed at the day I was kicked out of the house. Asshole. But this was about him, I'll keep his secret. It's not my secret to tell.

"Chill. I won't say anything. I'm happy for you though..." I rock back and forth on my feet. He rolls his eyes at me.

"Yeah well, this is the last time I speak to you... goodbye," he gives me a pathetic wave goodbye.

"Are serious?!" I follow him back into the gates of school. I assume he was going to look for Blade and Diego.

"Yes."

"You know that's a dick move right?! Well sorry!" I exaggerate my ineffective apology.

"Sorry, 'Mister I'm too good for you because I support and benefit from a capitalist society!' Does that work for you, asshole?!" I continue to shout behind him, people stared at me but I didn't care.

My attempt at using Alessandro's words against him worked, he stopped walking until he was close to him brothers.

"You know Luca? I thought you were better than that. Hey everyone!" I shout as loud as I can making students and teacher stop and stare at me.

"You want to know something funny?! That this asshole I call my brother and those other two dicks over there kicked me out of their house! Funny isn't it?! I'm homeless! And I'm living with my friend! Hysterical right?!" I laugh to myself, it wasn't funny though. It was the sad truth.

People stare between me and my brothers not sure what to do. I wanted everyone to know the people they are.

Surprise, surprise. Cassidy, Aspen, Jayden, Josh and Kelsey stand to watch the scene unfold, they look more guilty than a murderer on trial. They murdered my love for them.

Maybe if Luca wasn't so ignorant and aloof then I wouldn't have to scream at them.