Ah, new years eve.

My favorite holiday.

Party at Nico's, boys are all in a good mood.

I got my New Years Kiss from my perfect girl.

Oaken is on Wills shoulders pouring a beer down a funnel in to Ben's mouth.

Connor and Amber are doing a beer pong shoot off and he's getting pissed because she's whooping his ass.

Tory is taking shots with Sienna, Olivia and Josh.

Ryan is basically wrestling with Havannah in the middle of the living room laughing his ass off with her over his shoulder and her attempting to punch him in the ass.

Carter unfortunately had a fight this weekend.

And Abby, Abby is, sitting in a chair in the corner downing white claws and just watching?

That, is not my Abby Lou.

So, I made my way right on over, and plopped down beside her.

"You OK?"

She didn't even look in my direction.

"Abby." I snapped in front of her face.

She flinched and looked at me.

"Are you OK?" I raised my eyebrows.

She sighed and looked back out. "Yeah, just, missing Carter." She nodded.

I moved my head to follow her line of sight, and she was looking directly at Havannah and Ryan.

"If you're missing Carter, why is your attention of Ry and Havannah?"

Her face grew soft and she shook her head. "He was never like that with me."

"Ab what're you talking about. You two used to fuck around like that all the time."

"Not in public." She shook her head. "The only thing he ever did in public was kiss me, or hold my hand, or hug me. But with her, they're smiling, and laughing, having fun, and I couldn't even get him to dance with me at a party."

"Ab, seriously, are you OK?"

Then her face completely changed and her eyes started welling up.

"OK, why don't we go outside for a minute, get some air."

"It's cold." She took a deep breath.

"OK." I slid my hoodie over my head and handed it to her. "Come on."

She slid it on, I pulled her up, and I pulled her through the house until Olivia stopped me.

I looked down at Abby and told her to go and I'll be right out.

"What's going on." Olivia looked up at me.

"I don't know." I shook my head. "But uh, I got this one, OK?" I leaned down and kissed her.

She sighed, looked up at me, and smiled. "You are the most amazing guy in the world. I love you."

I smiled and kissed her forehead. "I love you, I'll be right back."

"Go take care of my girl." She gave me a small wave and I headed out to Abby.

She was leaned up against the porch railings and looking out to the lake.

"Ab?" I cleared my throat and walked to stand next to her. She was ruffling her bracelet.

"It feels to light." She sniffled.

"What's wrong?" I reached around and rubbed her shoulder.

"I should two more charms on this bracelet right now." She choked out.

I turned her toward me. "Come on, talk to me. Let it out."

"This was the first Christmas in 3 years where I didn't get a new charm." She wiped her face. "And all I can think about is that I'm not gonna get another one."

And my face, dropped.

"Ab." I shook my head.

"He didn't see me the way he see's her. She's beautiful, and smart, and fun. And he knows her favorite color, and flower, and candy. He plays with her in public, and he takes her to the driving range. And just, look at her Mase. I think about her, constantly. I look through her pictures and try to find a flaw, and I can't. I love Havannah, I do. But all I can think about is if she's gonna get his happy ending. And I like Carter, he's amazing, and generous, and fun. I really really do. But I can't the though of if she's gonna get my charm out of my head. I want my charm."

"Come here." I pulled her in and wrapped my arms around her.

She buried her face in my chest and just squeezed me. "I miss Ryan."

Now my head, this took my head to the deep dark place that I've tried to pull it out of since Olivia and I got back together.

Abby and Ryan, they were head over heels in love with each other, and with one mistake from Ryan, everything ended.

Abby moved on, she ended up with Carter.

And Ryan, he is with Havannah.

And all I can think about is if Kalum wouldn't have called things off with Olivia that day at the competition, is if the two of them would be together right now instead of her and I.

That thought, it rips my heart to shreds.

Because I know for a fact that I wouldn't have been able to be with anyone else. I wasn't able to be with anyone else, but her, she was.

I took a deep breath and pulled her head back to look at me. "Do you want my opinion."

She sniffled and nodded.

"Be honest. Tell Carter how you're feeling. Because Kalum, even though it hurt him to, he told Ol the truth, and that brought us back together. And I love Havannah too. But I'm always gonna be rooting for Abby and Ryan. And even if things don't work out and you and Ryan don't get back together, you don't want to give Carter false hope that it would work."

"That makes me a cunt though." She wiped her face.

"No, it doesn't." I shook my head. "It makes you a girl who realized how she felt a little too late. And that's OK, if you're honest about it."

"He's going to New York with us Mason, what am I supposed to do."

"Exactly what I did. Wait it out. But you need to talk to Carter, like yesterday." I wrapped her up and squeezed.

"Carter Pruitt is the last person I wanna hurt."

"I know. But you can't help how you feel. I should know."

And then the door flew open, and Ryan and Connor came walking out.

"Shit, sorry Mase, sorry ol-" Ryan scrunched his face. "Abby?"

She took a deep breath, pulled away, and turned facing out toward the lake.

"Everything OK?" Connor looked between the two of us.

"Yeah, everything is fine." I nodded.

"I'm gonna go take a walk." Abby sniffled and walked down the back steps.

"Abby." Ryan started walking over. "Ab!" He yelled.

And I straight body blocked him. "Hey, no." I shook my head. "Just, no."

"No." He shook his head. "Why she crying." He tried pushing past.

"Leave it alone." I pointed at him.

"Shut up Mason. Why in the hell is she crying." He pushed me back.

"Connor, go get Ben and Josh before I whoop his drunk ass for touching me."

"I." Clap. "Would." Clap. "Love." Clap. "To." Clap. "See it. What the fuck did you do."

I took a deep breath and pursed my lips. "Ryan back the fuck up."

"Then let me off the porch! That is my best friend." He yelled.

"She's mine to and I'm telling you to back the fuck up and go inside!" I screamed.

"Move." He screamed.

"Why don't you go back inside to your girlfriend and let me fucking handle it." I pointed in the house.

And then suddenly, Olivia's running through the door, leaping down the steps, Will is standing in between Ryan and I, Ben and Josh have firm grips on Ryan, and Connor and Oaken have a hold of both my arms.

"What the hell is going on." Ben shook his head.

"He's starting un-necessary bullshit." I shook Connor and Oaken off. "I am fine. His hot head ass is not!"

"Un-necessary? We just walked out and caught you with your hand in the cookie jar with your girlfriends best friend." He yelled.

"No one caught me doing anything!" I yelled. "I literally stopped and told Olivia I was coming out here! She knew where I was! I'm not you Ryan, I don't fucking cheat!"

"Alright!" Olivia screamed as she pulled Abby back up on the porch. She walked over, grabbed my keys out of my pocket and handed them to Abby. "Go. We'll be right out."

She shook her head, took the keys, and just walked through the house.

"We are leaving." Olivia crossed her arms and looked up at me. "We are taking Abby home."

"I will-"

"You will not do shit!" She shot around and pointed in Ryan's face. "You will go back inside with your girlfriend or whatever the fuck she is, and you will never accuse my boyfriend of cheating on me again."

"Thank you!" I yelled.

"And you!" She turned and pointed at me. "Are going to get your hot head ass in the god damn truck!" She pointed in to the house.

"How am I in trouble right now!"

"Because you took that too fucking far Mason! He's drunk and she was standing right there when you said it as if it doesn't still fucking bother her now go get in the truck and we will talk about it later!" She screamed.

I rolled my eyes and started walking.

"If you wanna keep them in your head don't fucking roll them again Mason Dean." She yelled as I walked through the house.

She stayed back, I'm sure to continue yelling, and I got in my truck to Abby in the back seat.

I sighed and turned my truck on. "I'm sorry."

"You have no reason to be." She shook her head. "You weren't wrong, and you knew I couldn't deal with him at that moment. He touched you first."

I turned and reached back. "You know he loves you right? That's why he did that."

She sighed. "We'll see."

Olivia got in and slammed my passenger door shut.

"Can you not-"

She pointed at me. "Drive the truck. I'm not going to ask whats wrong because I know you will tell me when you're ready. But all I want to know is if you're OK and I will leave it at that."

"I will be eventually." Abby leaned up and kissed her cheek.

Olivia kissed her back and gave her a small smile. "I know you will."

The rest of the ride was silent. We dropped Abby off, and we headed back to her house since the moms and dads were actually, like, out out. Like New Years Eve party at the Grayson's out.

We got changed, we've been in bed for an hour with not a single word, and that was not a good idea because all my thoughts started flooding.

"I am sorry I ruined the party for you." I sighed and pulled her to me.

"I had a great time at the party thank you very much. I am just tired of you and Ryan's ego contest." She crossed her arms.

"It's not an ego contest. I just, he said that, and I was already in my head enough, and that kind of set it off. I'm sorry."

"'Hey Ol, can I talk to you for a minute?' Not 'I'm not you Ryan, I don't cheat.'"

I pursed my lips and nodded. "Hey Ol can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Better." She nodded.

I rolled to my back and moved her head on to my chest.

"Can I ask you something?"

She nodded.

"I messed up, really bad with everything that happened between you and I. You know that."

"I thought we weren't talking about it anymore." She sighed.

"I know, just. I need to know." I nodded.

"OK."

"When we broke up, you had sex with someone so quickly -"

"So did you." She lifted her head.

"I know, but Ol, I couldn't physically or mentally get to the point where I could think about actually moving on. But you, you did. And, I can't get out of my head that you and Kalum clicked so well. You trusted him enough to be your first, you trusted him enough to try to move on with him. So I really just need you to answer this, and honestly." I sighed. "If he wouldn't have ended things the day at the competition, do you think that you'd be with him right now and not me?"

She pursed her lips and sat up.

She pulled me up with her and sighed. "The truth?"

I nodded.

"Yeah, I do." She nodded.

I pursed my lips and started getting out of the bed.

She grabbed my arm and pulled me back. "You wanted the truth, now will you let me finish?"

I'm not going to lie, that just ripped my heart out of my chest.

But I did ask, so I sat criss-crossed and rested my elbows on my knees.

"Do I think I would been with him, yes. I do. You had hurt me so much, and Kalum was the person who made me feel comfort during that whole thing. I, am one of those girls with a hero complex. When I'm saved, I cling. He was the one who was saving my ass that whole week, he made me feel safe, and I clung. But that doesn't mean that I didn't love you. Me loving you never changed. Would I have stayed with Kalum? No." She shook her head. "Because my heart has always been with you. Eventually, that would've shined through if I saw you with another girl, just like it did with you. And I would've broke. But at that point in time I didn't think we were going to get back together because of Connor. Your relationship with Connor. But I always had that small amount of home that we would. Would I have gotten with him, yes. Would I have stayed with him, no. Because that's not fair to him. That's not fair to me."

I took a deep breath, literally crushed her in a hug, laid her back, and just laid my head on her chest. "Do I make you feel safe?"

"Sometimes." She nodded. "Then there's times where this feels too good to be true and I don't feel so safe because of who you used to be."

"Baby I'm not going anywhere. We're literally apartment hunting next weekend, I don't want to find the perfect place for us, and you run back to Kalum while I'm-"

"Hey." She shook her head and held her hand up. "This means something to me. That." She pointed down at my hand." Means something to me. I'm wifey. Remember? I'm the one who saw that first. I'm not the one who chose someone over the other. That, was you."

"Hey." I raised my hands. "I am sorry. I shouldn't have said that. Just, I need to be the one to save you when you need saving. Will you let me be that, please?"

She sighed, leaned over, and kissed me. "When I'm with you, I don't need saving. Stop over thinking because of Ryan and Abby."

I raised my eyebrows.

"Hello, my house Christmas morning. I know her better than anyone."

"Carter is her Kalum?"

"Carter is her Kalum." She nodded.

"Can we just, can we watch are you the one please?" I pouted. "It's comforting to know I found it when other people haven't yet."

"You are so fucking loony." She let out a small laugh and grabbed her remote. "Which season."

"The one with crazy Brittany." I nodded.

"OK."

"We can watch your shitty reality shows when we move to New York, right?"

She smiled and kissed me. "Aren't I supposed to be the girl in the relationship?"

"They got me all in my feelings. I'm Mallory tonight." I shrugged.

Even though I have no reason to feel insecure.

Get the hell out of your feelings Mason.

She's mine.