It is now Sunday.

Christmas, was amazing.

The boys and I had our Christmas last night.

And now, we are currently sprawled all out in my living room, and Ben and Ryan are helping Connor and I figure out which apartments we want to go see that this realtor sent us.

We want, a 3 bedroom so people can come visit, but we will settle with a 2.

The only request that Olivia actually had is a big bathtub so we will both fit in it.

Sienna, she wants it to be close to Dana's Bakery for when she comes and visits from Syracuse.

Connor and I on the other hand. All we care about is that it has running water, lights, and close to the school because there ain't no way we're about to be driving everyday in New York City, and cabs are fucking expensive.

There is only one thing that is an absolute must though, and that is that the doorways and ceilings are big enough for me to not have to duck, and I wont bust my head off a door frame or ceiling fan in the dark.

I forgot we were in my living room last night, and when I got up to go to the bathroom, I walked directly in to the ceiling fan.

It now looks like I got whipped in my forehead.

"Why exactly do we need an actual bath tub when we both take showers?" Connor shook his head. "Olivia does know how to stand up and clean her self."

"Well, you see, your sister gets in these moods, you know, you've known her for almost 17 years now, right? And when she gets in those moods, we need to have the cupboards stocked with lo-mein, cheez-its, and candy, and she will sit in a bubble bath and eat them all. If she's going to be living with us, we need a bath tub." I nodded.

He sighed. "If I walk in to the bath room to take a leak and you are in the bath tub with my sister, I am snapping your dick in half." He nodded.

"You'll just do anything to touch my dick, wont you." I laughed.

"I would rather live with them, than your girlfriend Con." Ryan nodded. "Do you realize how picky she is? She wants to have at least 3 food places with in a walking distance and a coffee place."

"She likes to eat." Connor shrugged. "Have you met her when she doesn't eat?"

"I, get to walk down to my kitchen and have my mom cook for me when I get hungry on the weekends." Ben smiled. "I feel like I'm gonna like living in the dorms more than I will at home though. Meet new people, parties, plus Tory gets to come see me whenever she wants, and I can keep an eye on the girls when they go shopping in state college."

"And we love you for that Benny Boo." Connor smiled.

"I can't believe we're sitting here talking about where we're gonna be living." Ryan shook his head. "Kind of always thought we'd go to the same school."

"So did I." Connor nodded. "But we're all in driving distance."

"Mason!" My mom yelled from the kitchen.

"Yet another benefit of going to Penn State." Ben smiled.

My face went completely flat and I just looked at him. "Still in the living room mom!" I yelled.

She came walking in from the stair hallway all ready for work.

"Well don't you look nice Mama T." Ryan smiled.

"Your hair looks terrific Mama T." Ben smiled.

"Where you going looking all nice?" Connor smiled.

I just stared at them.

"My hair is up, and I am in scrubs." She nodded. "I'm going to work."

"Well those doctors are very lucky to be in your presence." Ryan nodded.

"The curls really pull the pony tail together." Connor cleared his throat, red faced as hell.

"Someone push me down the stairs, right now." Ben nodded.

I dragged one of my hands through my hair, down my face, and covered my mouth. "Someone remind me why I let you guys in my house?" I groaned. "What do you need mom?"

"Who all is going to New York so Holly, Connie, Jill and I can get the Air BNB."

"UH." I closed my eyes and thought for a minute. "Us 3, all the pates. Holden isn't going because he has a lifting competition, but Will, Jill and Drew, he invited Kallie."

"Carter has a fight this weekend and Josh has a wrestling tournament." Ryan nodded. "But, I am going."

"I am not going." Ben shook his head.

"And why not." My mom crossed her arms.

"He punched his cousin in the face on Christmas." I nodded.

"He deserved it." Ben shrugged. "Tory's dad won't let her go because she has a test the Monday after and well, it's New York."

"Is Havannah coming?" Connor looked at Ryan.

"Nope." He shook his head. "She has to work."

"Uh, we're gonna be in New York." I nodded.

"She will be in Florida, for a swim wear ad." He pursed his lips.

"Ooo." I scrunched my face.

"Yeah." He nodded.

"So, the 4 sets of parents. Kelsey and Jake because they're going to look at flowers, tux's and cake. Sienna, Abby, Kallie, Bebe, and Ol. Me, Ryan, Connor, Will, and Oak."

"Well, hate to break this to you, but you 3." She pointed at Ryan, Connor and I. "Are sharing a room. Will asked for Oaken because their first Hockey game is the weekend after and they have some things to talk about. The girls, they sleep in the same room anyway. Then Jake and Kelsey, that's 4."

"8 mom." I nodded. "8 rooms."

"Thank you." She walked behind the couch and kissed my cheek. "I love you. Have a good day, send me some of the apartment options when Holly and I are on break." She ruffled my hair.

"Where's mine." Ryan pouted.

I glared at him. "I will, Mom. I love you too."

"And so do I." Ben nodded.

"With my whole heart." Connor smiled.

"Yeah, I'm going to work now." She shook her head and walked out the front door.

I grabbed the magazine off the coffee table, rolled it up, and I just started hitting all three of them with it.

"Ow!" Ben yelled.

"Fuck Mason!" Connor screamed.

"Stop!" Ryan yelled.

"Stop hitting on my mom!" I yelled.

"You keep hitting me I'll make sure I become your step dad!" Connor nodded.

"Yeah, and I can go make you an uncle right now, shut up!" I pointed at him. "You, I will tell your girlfriend!" I pointed at Ben. "And Ryan, I will go start hitting on your mom and we all know how much she likes me." I nodded.

"Well, you see, my brother already got someone pregnant."Connor shrugged.

"And, Tory also has hit on your mom." Ben nodded.

"And you would be the coolest step dad." Ryan smiled.

"Fuck I miss the contract." I threw my head back.

The weekend after Christmas, Abby always goes to her family's in Ohio.

Josh is currently in State College with Holden for their Christmas weekend.

And Sienna is at her dads house for their Christmas.

So I figured today would be the perfect day for some good Tory, Havannah, and Olivia time.

"How off though?" Tory looked over me to Havannah.

We were at the nail salon talking about our Christmas's, and we are currently talking about Ryan and Havannahs.

"Like, off off." Havannah nodded. "He was like super quiet at my dads house. And he barely talked at my moms. I'm not sure if it's because I told him about my photo shoot in Florida, or if it was just because it was different to him. But he was just, out of it."

"Or, he was just nervous." I smiled.

She pursed her lips and nodded. "He told you?" She smiled.

"UH yes! He told me! You and Ryan finally had sex! How was it!"

"It was amazing." She nodded. "The physical part that is but uh. The feelings part." She looked down.

Oh no. No no no. I know how much it took for him to do.

"What about the feelings part." I pursed my lips.

"I just, I kind of hoped for the feelings part to, well, be more." She sighed.

"On whose part though?" Tory tilted her head.

"Mine." She scrunched her face. "Ol did you get that like, floating on a cloud feeling the first time?"

"Uh, like, my actual first time, or my first time with Mason?"

"Either." She shrugged.

"Well, my first actual time, was with Kalum, and we already had such a great friendship, but, yeah. I did." I nodded. "And then the time with Kalum in State College, I felt it then too. Mason and I were in such a rough spot when everything first started, I think it was like, the 3rd time I had sex with Mason where I got that feeling. No time I've ever had sex compares to that time. I think, sometimes you just, you're scared so you over think the feelings part, and you don't let them just come. The sex before then was great. But that time, we focused on just the feelings, like, he didn't even touch me and it gave sex a whole new meaning for me."

"So, it's normal not to feel those feelings your first time?" Tory pursed her lips.

I nodded. "I mean granted, Mason and I didn't know what the hell was happening the first time, but gradually as we continued, we figured out how we felt about each other, and that's when it hit me like a ton of bricks."

"So, just keep trying and see if the feelings come?" Havannah gave me a look.

"My suggestion, is to fuck like bunny rabbits." I smiled.

She laughed and shook her head.

What I'm not going to tell her however, is that having sex put everything in to perspective for Ryan.

How much he actually cares about her, and how amazing it was the feel wanted in a while, and how everything was there.

So all I can say right now is, there is no way this can be good.

Because I just lied, I did feel something the first time with Mason, and I ran.

It's normal not to, yes.

But uh, I didn't want her to think it wasn't.

Now my moral dilemma.

Do I tell Ryan?

Which when I got home, I told Mason everything.

And he, said not to tell Ryan.

Also something about becoming Ryan's step dad.

Besides the point.

Please god let this girl feel the feeling!