《Dear Crush! | A Dear Evan Hansen Fanfiction |》Thoughts
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Evan had been extremely excited.
It's nearing the end of the school year, which gave them some time to celebrate their friendship for a year or so. Zoe had suggested that they have a picnic together at the old orchard tomorrow.
The reason Evan had felt incredibly ecstatic to have this outing was because he had realised that this was the perfect opportunity to paint a despised memory with a pleasant one.
He could hardly wait for tomorrow. He felt that he had all the time right now to try and prepare for the time tomorrow. He took hold of his phone, ready to text Jared. However, he saw that Jared had already been typing.
{Yo, evan. Can I come ovr l8r. I wanna talk abt smth}
{Firstly, nobody types later as l8r. Secondly, sure. We can plan the picnic too. I'll ask mom to make dinner for us, so come over for dinner too.}
{Oh cool. Ur mom makes good food}
Immediately, he called out to Heidi from his room, telling her that Jared wanted to come over. Heidi responded cheerfully, agreeing to cook him some food. He then glanced out the window, wondering about tomorrow and waiting for Jared to arrive.
After a long wait, he heard the door of his room open. Jared had walked in, turning on the light in the room which scared Evan. He noticed that it had started to become darker, the warm orange of the sky slowly being embellished by purple and blue.
He turned his head over, noticing that Jared did not have his signature grin. He looked pensive, as if the thoughts that had been swarming his mind and bothering him. He quietly sat on the bed, Evan slightly perturbed by his behaviour.
"J-Jared? Are you...um...are-are you okay?" Evan asked timidly, taking a seat quietly next to him. Jared seemed to have bolted to attention the moment Evan spoke, which made him start to blink.
"Uh, yeah. Just...thinking, I suppose..." Jared muttered, taking in a short breath to regain his composure. "Uh, anyways, let's have the planing thing, cool?"
Evan was already skeptical, since that was the most unconvincing act. However, he kept himself from saying anything. He knew that Jared had to gather his thoughts before attempting to reach out for help. He then tried to lighten up the mood again, bringing up the things he had wanted to accomplish for the picnic.
They talked about what they were each meant to bring to the event. Evan had never flown a kite before, which led him to be excited about trying it out at the picnic. The only thing was, he did not have any kites in his house.
After coming to the realisation he did not have any kites, he looked visibly upset, looking down at the floor and gripping at the cloth of his clothes. Jared gave him a gentle smile, quietly tapping on his shoulder to have Evan look up at him. He then pointed to himself, waiting for Evan to realise what he meant.
Evan took a few seconds, before he exploded into a ball of joy. Jared just stared at Evan celebrating the fact that Jared had a kite, feeling so amused that Evan had had such a childish side to him while Evan was practically about to jump on the bed.
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"Okay, Evan, I know that you want kites or whatever, which is boring-" A smile breaks out on Jared's face, which then morphs into a mischievous grin- "how about I pack some water balloons?"
Evan immediately stopped in his tracks, turning to Jared almost immediately. His face had signalled that he did not want to be a part of Jared's pranks, making Jared chuckle.
"W-well, I guess...um...I guess I'm bringing some-some towels." Evan replied, matter-of-factly. "I-I-I mean, someone has to-to clean up after your mess."
Jared's smile had suddenly faded. It seems that whatever Evan had just said had reminded Jared of what he had originally wanted to say, which made Evan slightly nervous. Jared held a stern expression, glancing down onto Evan's floor.
"Speaking of clean-up, and I am asking this completely because I am worried about it, how are you going to clear this...whatever...with Connor?"
Evan could not help but feel a bit more irritated. It seems that they had all been entirely focused on trying to get Connor and him to mend their relationship, even though they had both been able to remain as what they are. Of course, he had completely recognised that this should be reached, but they should not be forcing it.
"I-I don't know, Jared. I'll...um...I'll think about it, b-but not now. We have-have the picnic to plan!" Evan responded, sounding as enthusiastic as he could.
Oh! Jared was not having any of that.
"Evan."
Jared gently pet the seat next to him, urging for Evan to settle down next to him. Evan then realised that he had been standing up, pacing about. He quietly moved back to the bed, sitting beside Jared, waiting for him say whatever he wanted to say.
"...what does he mean to you?"
Evan kept quiet. His face had bloomed a bright red, his body warmed up. The thought of Connor had made him swoon. The simple thought of having the chance to hold Connor's hand and have him gently smiling at him was enough to make him blush.
Jared kept eyeing Evan down, trying to notice anything that would indicate that he had an answer to his question. Jared had wanted to make sure Evan had a good sense of what love is.
"...Well?"
"H-he... he means a-a lot...to-to me..." Evan had been blushing incredibly heavy as he said that sentence, which came out as more of a murmur than an actual speech. Jared quietly watches Evan, as if he were afraid that to let Evan go.
"Th-This is super embarrassing-I-I...let's go back to-to the picnic plan." Evan mutters, his face beet red. He attempted to change the topic, murmuring more excuses to try to stop talking about his love for Connor. Jared noticed this behaviour, and felt himself nearly biting his lip to hold back his words.
"...Does he really?"
Evan glanced up at Jared, absolutely taken aback by how blunt and straightforward Jared was being. However, Evan took his question to heart. He shut his heart, going through his mind to analyse the question.
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Jared may not look like it, but he had regretted that question dearly. He did not want Evan to suddenly cave in to the pressure Jared had unintentionally put on him. He knew that Evan would most likely be plagued by the question, eventually being pressured into rethinking his answer.
"Yes, I-I'm sure he does."
Jared spin his head, facing Evan's intense stare. Even his eyes proclaimed the very confidence that backed up his answer. He was almost proud that Evan had finally made up his mind. He gave him an assuring smile.
"Welp, that's all of I wanted to ask. I'm glad you've reached a conclusion." Jared responded, giving a pat on his back, a reassuring pat Evan was grateful for. The pat with the support of a friend.
"W-Well, since you brought it up, I do have something I'd... I'd like to ask you?" Evan quietly piped up, almost terrified to discuss this topic at all, knowing fully well that it is a personal matter.
Jared quietly listened in, allowing for Evan to speak his mind.
"I-I don't know if I can go b-back to Connor."
Jared raised a brow, confused by the reasoning behind this statement. Evan could only anxiously tug at he cloth of his pants, feeling his heart swell up more and more.
"...Why not?" Jared asks, although he has a hint of what his answer might be.
"Well, I-I was the one who proposed the-the idea to break up." Jared's eyes widens. Jared realised that neither has spoken up about this. Connor had kept quiet, even though Jared had been nothing but aggressive towards him.
"I-It isn't his fault, it's mine. I...I had this b-backwards logic- i-it really messed with my head, I wasn't-my head was not in the right place. I-I pushed him a-away and..."
At this point, Evan was tearing up. He never wanted any of his friends to carry his burdens, certainly not Connor. He made sure to look down, burying his head in his heads to avoid letting Jared see his tears.
Jared could tell that Evan was sobbing, from the way his shoulders shook a silent cry. He tried his best to comfort him, giving him pats down his back. Evan continued talking, knowing he could not hide his tears.
"...A-and I told him that- that I wanted to break up because I needed space. He-He respected me, a-and he-he gave me the space I needed. I-I don't deserve him at all..."
Jared continued giving him comforting pats, all while trying to think of an answer that could calm him down.
"Listen, Evan. We all make mistakes, trust me. I know you're thinking that Connor might not want to be with you anymore because of your emotional outbreaks, am I right?"
Evan sat up, turning to Jared. He gave a nod slowly.
"Well, Connor loves you a lot. He really wants to be with you, and the fact that you keep pushing him away is the problem. I mean, the poor guy practically wants to kiss you the moment he sees you." Evan chuckled, which made Jared smile. Evan slowly lifts his hand to his face, wiping away the tears.
"So, trust me when I say Connor will love you no matter what."
Evan was now smiling, tears still welling up in his eyes. He leaned in, giving Jared a huge hug as a way to thank him for helping him through his emotions yet again. Jared eased into the hug, smiling.
In order to break the tension, to let both parties have a better mood, Jared decided to speak up.
"Okay, since you told me something personal, I'll tell you something about me." Jared had started to feel a bit more uncomfortable now. Evan gave him a smile, to try and mimic the same level of support that Jared had shown, even though Jared's level was unmatched.
"Okay, cool. Uh, this... is very much nerve wrecking to say, but..." Jared had now looked about, chuckling nervously and giving himself a little more time to prepare his statement. Evan had been incredibly patient, since he knew better than anyone the amount of anxiety that backs up any secrets.
"Okay, right... so, um, I am..." Jared mumbles the last part. Evan blinked, then leans forward, asking Jared to repeat it. Jared now looked absolutely flushed, repeating his words softly.
"...I'm... I'm asexual," Jared quickly started to laugh nervously to cover his confession. Evan had been absolutely supportive, giving the nervous Jared the comfort he needed. Evan could feel Jared's shoulders slumping.
"I'm glad you-you wanted to tell me! I-I-It's honestly an honour to-to have been t-trusted this much." Evan chuckles, which leads Jared to grin. "A-after all, th-that's more than what I can say about me and C-Connor."
Jared raises a brow at that statement.
"I-I don't know if we're t-technically still the sta-status of boyfriends, o-or if we-we are still friends..." Evan saw that the laugh that Jared was trying desperately to hide and blushed heavily.
"We-I...i-i-it's my first ever relationship- d-don't mock me!" Jared just laughed loudly, leaving Evan with his face flushed.
Unbeknownst to the two of them, someone had been listening in on their conversation. She had mixed feelings about the whole situation, and was tempted to confront Evan.
After learning about the facts that Evan had hid from her, she was angry. Why had he gone to Jared, and not her? Why did he not think to ask her first? Why is she left out of this situation. The thought of Evan not trusting her was irritating.
However, she also had a deep sense of sorrow. He had trusted Jared more than her, which only proves how poor their relationship had been.
Then, she walked away from the door, returning to the kitchen to fake her alibi. In a loud and clear voice, she called upon them :
"Evan, Jared! I've finished cooking! Come out and eat!"
Ahem.
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