《Dear Crush! | A Dear Evan Hansen Fanfiction |》Apologies
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Connor entered the room reluctantly, the confidence to apologise slowly dissipating the longer he stood in the room. Alana simply turned back to the television screen, watching some sort of movie.
He felt extremely awkward, being in a room together with Alana and Zoe while he was attempting to apologise to her. He knew that it was bound to get aggressive, so he did not want a witness to be in the room as this when situation progressed.
"Con, wait here. I'm getting some juice. Be right back!" Zoe stated, smiling. Alana turned to Zoe, her gaze still fixated on the television. She hummed in response, which gave Zoe the signal to leave the room to head downstairs for a drink and shut the door behind her.
Connor sighed, realising that he would probably be better off facing this head on, rather than trying to find ways out of it. He walked over to the side of the bed, sitting down onto the floor masked with the soft carpet. He leaned against the bed frame, resting his arms on her bed and silently waited.
Alana could not help but glance over at Connor, curiosity getting the best of her. She found it strange that Connor had wanted to speak to Zoe about something, despite both usually fighting and arguing to some extent. This thought of Zoe and Connor arguing caused her to worry.
Judging by the expression that hung on Connor's face, the conversation that was about to happen must have been extremely serious. This could lead to either sides growing violent or aggressive in the face of a sensitive topic that may pop up during said conversation.
She deduced that she might have to stay in the room, or at least be ready to resolve it by listening to the conversation from the outside. She concluded her thought process, glancing over to Connor once more.
He was in the process of tying his hair back, a hair band around his wrist as he pulled his hair back. He brushed his brown locks back, constantly switching hands from gripping the voluminous mass of hair and combing it back until he finally had most of his hair back.
He holds onto the ponytail of hair, pulling the hair band off of his wrist and slowly looping his hair through and finally finished, letting it drape down. Alana realised that he might find it suspicious if he caught her staring, so she turns back to the television, watching her movie.
An uncomfortable silence flooded the room, drowning the both of them in a strong sense of awkwardness. Connor would feel Alana's glance on him, which forced his body to start feeling uncomfortable.
"So, what did you want to talk to Zoey about?"
Connor flinched at the sudden question, but only barely. He turned his head, his eyes now fixated on Alana. She had a strange expression, that was very much unlike her. She seemed a tad bit angry, and serious.
Connor rolled his eyes, giving Alana a non-chalant expression. He felt around the pocket of his hoodie to fish out his phone.
"None of your business, Alana."
Alana sat up, immediately upon hearing those words. Connor could tell, from the shuffling of the sheets behind him. He sighs, pushing his phone back into his hoodie pocket, turning to face Alana and whatever objections she was about to raise.
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Her face was now an obvious anger, which was even more out of character. However, it seemed as if that was also a strong sense of concern that was blended in with the furrowed eyebrows and the gritting of the teeth. Whether it was for Zoe or Connor was beyond him.
"Tell me, Connor," Alana spits out, even though her tone elicits that she was trying to maintain a caring front. She grabs onto the pillow that she had been lying on, holding it in her lap.
Scolding someone for whatever reason caused her anxiety to start working up, so she was trying to find something to hold onto to ease her anxiety. She just took the chance and reached beside herself, grabbing onto the softest thing that was the closest to her.
You bet that she had a death grip on it.
"Y-You…I know that I'm not suppose to be involved in all of this, but…" She paused, attempting to find a reasoning to be involved in this family problem. Yet, she was unable to think of any other reason, other than the fact that she wanted to keep an eye on the both of them, that she had been worried for Zoe.
"It's…very personal, Alana."
Her grip on the pillow strengthens, her feet shifting uncomfortably. Connor noticed this behaviour, and immediately tries to keep the conversation for her.
"I would appreciate it if you did not listen in on it."
She stayed silent, looking down at the pillow. It took her a few moments to understand the request, which she nodded her head to. Connor could see that her grip on the pillow loosened, and she moved it beside her to lie down on it once more.
Finally, Zoe returned upstairs. In her hand, was three cups of the apple juice that Cynthia had bought recently. She gave one to Connor, as she sat down on the carpeted floor in front of him. She then leaned towards the bed, giving Alana her drink.
"So," she starts, picking up her cup of juice to take a small sip from, "what did you want to talk about?"
Connor quietly glances over to Alana, signalling to her that she had to leave the room. Alana, although hesitant, lifted herself off of Zoe's bed, attempting to stand up. Zoe noticed that Alana wanted to leave, immediately intervening.
"Wait, why are you going?" Zoe asked, confused at the gesture that Connor had asked Alana to leave. Alana smiled, as if telling Zoe that she has to leave, that it was okay. Alana managed to get off the bed, now on her way out of the room.
"No, stay, Al," Zoe reached out and held onto Alana's hand, stopping her from moving any further. She glances towards the arm gripping her wrist, and then to Zoe. She felt a warmth surging through her body, as she concentrated on the feeling of Zoe's touch.
She blushes, absolutely shocked to suddenly have Zoe hold onto her hand. She glances from the hand, to Connor. She could see the frustrated look on his face, which made her sigh.
"Zoe, it's fine. Clearly, this is a family thing and I—"
"And so what? I think it should be fine that she listens in, no?" Zoe interrupts, glaring at Connor. The reason Zoe was so persistent to have Alana in the room was because of the reasoning she had behind Connor's talk.
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She had imagined that Connor wanted to talk to her about Evan and his state of being at the moment. Whether that assumption was correct or not, she still wanted Alana to be there with her. There was no reason to leave her best friend out of anything.
Connor sighed, already anticipating how awkward the whole situation would be if Alana had stayed in the room. He shakes his head, opposing Zoe's idea.
"Zoey, this isn't something that Alana should be here for. This is something I want to talk to you about in private—"
"Why is it that Alana can't sit in?" Zoe counters, already annoyed with how persistent Connor had been. She reaches for the cup of juice, lifting it up and taking a quick sip. She composed herself, realising that she should be more respectful with her attitude.
"I'm sure…that Alana would be helpful in giving any advice in whatever you want to talk about, right?"
Connor scans her face, finding that she had been determined to argue about this. There was no reason for him to deny it any further, as Zoe had brought up a argument he cannot refute. Connor looks down and sighed, tired of arguing.
"Fine," he says, reluctantly. He saw that Zoe and Alana both seem to light up at the idea, even though Connor knew that this was far from being a pleasant experience.
"Zoey…look," Connor begins, his expression becoming much more glum than before. He sighed, absolutely uncomfortable and had no idea where to begin.
"I'm sorry. I really am."
"F-for what, Con?" Zoe asked, her excitement started to diminish. Her preconception of this talk being about Evan made this apology sound absolutely despicable.
"…for the years and years of abuse." Connor continued to speak, as Zoe's expression shifted. It changed from this strange mix of intrigue, fear and anger, to a look of relief, and yet trouble.
"I…I know that being sorry and saying I'm sorry won't change a fucking thing about how horrible I've treated you, but I'm hoping that you know that I've realised my mistake. I should have been a better brother, but I wasn't."
Connor was trying to predict what she was about to do by trying to guess her body language. Her eyes flickered with fear and anger, as if she had been recollecting the horrible times. Her fist shakes ever so slightly, as if she was ready to punch. He braces himself, keeping his eyes wide open to take the hit.
He glances over to Alana, who was furious. She almost seemed ready to cry out of anger, balling her hands into fists that shook with a quiver of anger.
"What do you mean by abuse, Connor?" Alana spat out, shocking both Zoe and Connor. He realises the question at hand and he bites his lip. Repeating the statement made his guilt grow stronger.
"What the hell do you mean abused? You mean to tell me you've caused harm to Zoey before? What in the world did you mean, Connor Murphy?"
Alana was no longer calm. She had been infuriated to receive this piece of information so suddenly. Someone would dare cause any harm to Zoe, that made her blood boil with hatred. How could she not be angry? She had just learnt that someone had practically tortured Zoe, and that someone had been her brother.
"Yes! Is that the answer you wanted, Alana?" Connor screamed. He had felt so very guilty that he had treated her sister so horribly, but he did not need to hear Alana trying to rub salt over the wound over and over.
"For me to fucking repeat that I've been a disgusting brother and human being—"
Connor felt a slap across his face. The sound of the slap rang throughout the room. He could even feel the tension in the air fade away with that slap, the atmosphere Alana had created disappate like the clearing of a fog.
He turns over, anticipating Alana's ferocious eyes and balled fists. Instead, he was greeted with Alana also cupping her face to cover the stinging feeling of a slap across her face. He then realised that Zoe had slapped them both.
"Geez, you both can be super out of it sometimes," Zoe noted, pressing her hands together to ease the stinging pain in her palms. She then shakes them, attempting to rid her palms of the sensation.
"Connor, I know I'll never forgive you for your actions," she bluntly responds. This dampened Connor's hopes of regaining his relationship with his sister. He sighs, completely understanding why she would not.
Alana sneers in response, happy with Zoe's unforgiving nature. She was happy to see that Zoe had been ruthless against such an idiot. She almost felt a sense of accomplishment, despite not having done anything.
"But, I'm giving a chance to redeem yourself."
Connor was shocked. He had not expected that Zoe would give him another chance. He had been glad that Zoe was able to let him have a chance to prove that he had realised his mistake.
"Zoe, you shouldn't!" Alana counters. Hearing Zoe giving Connor a chance sounded ridiculous to her. It was completely undeserving, in her opinion. She turned to Zoe, voicing her concern with her decision, "I don't think he deserves—"
"Al, everyone deserves a chance."
Alana stared into Zoe's eyes, noticing the intense focus. Zoe was completely serious when she interrupted Alana, her eyes blazing with confidence as she smiled. Alana was completely speechless upon hearing that, and sighed acknowledgingly.
"Alright, fine. Only because you say so, Zoey."
Zoey felt wonderful, being able to quail their anger and bickering. She turned to Connor, who seemed to be relieved that he had been given a second chance.
"Connor. The only way to redeem yourself is to obey this simple order," Zoe recited. Alana giggled, realising where she had heard that phrase from. It had been from their favourite cartoon, and it was a wonderful way to lighten the mood once more.
"You are to take care of Evan to the best of your ability, and be a wonderful boyfriend, okay?"
Connor was flabbergasted. He threw his head up, his eyes lighting up with hope. He felt a smile emerging on his face, already feeling the joy of being forgiven coursing through his body. That was a rather unexpected request, but he will happily oblige.
"Oh…oh! Of course!" He quickly responded. He leaned forward, enveloping both Alana and Zoe in a hug. Alana and Zoe smiled, both joyful of this strangely nice ending to their conversation.
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