Evan placed his bag down onto the leg of the couch, absolutely exhausted.

He could not help but rethink his entire situation. He could not help but rethink what made him decide to accept his offer so graciously. He could not help but rethink his friends' words. What they said was correct, that's true. They needed to work through this together.

He walked into his room, feeling the sudden gust of the warm air outside blow against him. He paused, scanning the room. The bright sun shining from the outside, covering the room in warmth. He took a few steps forward, still contemplating on his decision when he sat down on the bed.

He started to contemplate the last few days, trying to recollect himself and his racing thoughts as he subconsciously glared at the floorboards beneath his feet.

He tried to remember his feelings during the exchange with Connor, which had been further amplified by the quiet environment of his room.

Evan ran from the Murphy's house, absolutely distraught. He could feel his legs burning, as it carried him along the boardwalk. He could feel his lungs grasping for air, the warmth of the sun on his body. He could hear his strong footsteps, as he ran on the concrete ground in an attempt to hurry somewhere he could think.

Before he knew it, he was running towards the orchard. In fact, he did not even realise he had ran to the orchard, until he reached the entrance. The same cobblestone arc, lined with streaks of overgrown plants, wrapping around the cobblestone. He stopped at the entrance, panting. He could feel the harsh sandpaper texture of his throat, begging for some water. He gulped, attempting to use his saliva as a substitute.

He panted, the perspiration dripping down his face. He could even see the orange and yellow colour of the setting sun on his skin, casting a glow from the perspiration that covered his arms. He felt himself take a step forward into the orchard, his heart almost sinking.

Then he took another.

Soon, he found himself treading through the tall grass of the orchard at a much slower pace. His fingers stretched out slightly, feeling the soft grass against his fingers as it shuffled while he moved through it.

It almost felt natural to be in the orchard.

He wondered his way through the grass field, and arrived in front of the forest. His heart had slowed down, beating at a slower pace than before. He noticed that he was breathing slower now, as well. His throat still felt parched, but he gulped once more and started walking through the forest.

He felt his way through the forest, brushing his fingers against the tree trunks. He wondered through the forest, finally finding himself right in front of a clearing. He walked towards the other side, and then sat down, leaning his back against the trunk of the tree.

He glanced upwards, eyes focused the leaves that danced in the wind. He continued staring at the leaves repetitive, and yet calming, motion, feeling his eyelids becoming much heavier.

He then thought about his friends, about Connor, as he stared at the dancing leaves. He was so very disappointed in himself for yelling at Connor, giving Connor no chance to talk.

And he shut his eyes, feeling the comfortable breeze rock him to sleep as he leaned on the tree trunk, absolutely tired. The despair episode he had had kept him up during the night, so he had not gotten as much sleep as he would have liked to.

Suddenly, he felt himself being shaken awake, noticing how he was staring at Connor. He was looking down at him, as the darkness of the night loomed above him, illuminated by the moon. His eyes had been red, as if he had been crying.

Connor's eyes widened when Evan awoke, and he felt Connor pull him upwards and enveloped him in a hug.

He remembered Connor's red eyes. His teary eyes as he pulled Evan into a hug. It was starting to haunt him. Connor had looked so very distraught, so very broken.

Evan was the one who broke him.

This thought only worsened his feelings of guilt and made him tear up. He could still vividly remember how Connor had been excited to notice that Evan had awoken, which only made him feel worse.

He was about to fall deeper into despair, when he realised that he had been a huge idiot this entire time.

All he had been doing is blaming himself for everything.

Yes, it was completely his fault. He was the one who had decided to cause this situation. Yes, he had been extremely selfish, abandoning all his friends just because he did not try to reach out to them. He had not done anything to try to get his friends to work this through with him he was very weak alone, but he did not ask his friends.

But did he even apologise for his actions?

Of course not.

All he had been doing is being selfish.

So far, Jared and Alana apologised for things that had done which had happened a long time ago. In fact, they had the courage to apologise to Evan, even though they could have left it. They could have pretended that they were unaware of this fact.

Instead, they worked up the courage to talk to Evan. They worked up the courage to make Evan feel loved, apologising for what they did wrong.

Evan, on the other hand, did nothing.

All he did was accept the apology, but he did not return their apology with his own. He had been so very cruel to those around him. He left them to worry about him simply because he did not inform them of his depressive episodes hitting him.

He frowned, clasping his hands together as he stared more intently at the floor. He has to make plans soon. He has to apologise in person. No longer shall he remain in his little comfort zone. He is a senior, he should not be so fearful of trying to apologise. He needs to be more confident.

These words seemed to ring in his head.

It gave him a boost of confidence, of determination. He felt as if he could actually work up the courage to tell them. However, when the name 'Connor' popped in his head, he felt all of the determination and courage start to fade away.

He was so very terrified of apologising to Connor. He knew that the damage that he had done to Connor was irreversible. He had broken him by breaking up with him. He had broken him when he agreed that he needed space.

He loved Connor so much, it hurt him to know that Connor had suffered because of him. He could physically feel his heart in pain, ripping apart as he thought about how broken Connor must feel.

Evan's not going to lie. He really, really wanted Connor back. He really wanted Connor to be next to him right now, hugging him and kissing him. He wanted Connor to provide him with the strength he cannot give himself. He wanted Connor to be right next to him, telling him that everything was going to be okay.

But he's not there.

Connor isn't beside him. He caused that to happen, and yet he asks for his company? Truly, Evan is a selfish human.

Evan reaches beside him, feeling the bumpy soft material of the pillow. He grabs the pillow and places it on his lap, pressing his face against it. He started crying, screaming into the pillow which made a muffled scream.

He just wanted everything to be okay. How did all of this even happen? All he did was accepted Connor's request to be a friend. How did it become this convoluted mess of uncertainty and instability?

He dug his hands into his pocket, pulling his phone out. He desperate tried to stop himself from being so urgent, but he just tapped on the green speech bubble that is the icon for WhatsApp, and pressed on Connor.

It brought up their conversation, while had been about apples for some reason. He scrolled through, suddenly fascinated with the conversations they previously had. He kept scrolling through, recollecting all the times they had been chatting about anything when they were bored.

He smiled, his heart filling with happiness from all of the happy little moments they had. This happiness sent him back to reality, as he was forced to remember that they weren't exactly on very good terms right now.

He took a deep breath, and exhaled. Trying to reconcile with Connor is going to take a lot of courage he did not have, but alas he must try. His fingers glided and hovered above the letters of the digital keyboard, attempting to think of something to type.

Finally, he managed to type in what he wanted and pressed enter.

｛Hey, Connor. Are you okay?｝

Immediately, Evan regretted ever typing that out. It was idiotic. Of course Connor had not been okay. He didn't even come to school today.

｛I'm sorry. That was stupid of me to ask. I know you're not.｝

｛Sorry｝

｛I'm texting you because I want to tell you I'm sorry. I know that neither of us wanted the breakup, and I'm so sorry that I'm such a selfish person. I know I made a stupid decision, but I hope that you forgive me for it?｝

Evan pressed the home button on his phone, collapsing onto his bed with so much tension off his shoulders. It felt amazing to have all of the stress and tension off his shoulders, even if it's for a little while. In fact, he felt his body relax, even though he never remembered feeling himself tense up.

Like every bad scenario, he could already feel the regret setting in. He could feel it creeping into the corner of his mind, forcing him to think of idiotic thoughts of erasing this from Connor's phone before he read it. However, he stayed rooted to his bed. He knew he has to change his behaviour and his attitude. He is trying his best to change.

If he could not do a simple task such as this, how was he to face Connor?

Suddenly, Connor was online. The full gray ticks turned around and faced Evan with bright blue ticks. Obviously, his feeling of regret was now stronger. He could not even believe that he had just typed that, but he knew that he had to wait for Connor's message.

It told him that Connor was typing, which made Evan grip his shirt out of nervousness.

｛oh, ev｝

｛no, you dont need to do that｝

｛i｝

｛i needed time to me too｝

｛im sorry that i didnt go to sch tdy｝

｛u must have been worried?｝

Connor was frantic. He did not even expect Evan to text him at all during this period of time. Not only did Evan's messages shock him, they also made him happy. He was so very glad that Evan had decided to text him at all.

Evan bit his lip. Of course he had been worried. He cared so much for Connor, it hurt him to know that Connor had not been mentally well. It hurt even more that it was his fault.

｛Of course!｝

｛I love you so much, Connor.｝

Connor felt himself tear up. After everything, those were the words he needed to hear. He needed his kind and sincere words. He needed assurance that Evan still loved him. After all, breaking up with him was literally a nod in the complete opposite direction.

｛i love u too, ev｝

Both of them could feel themselves about to break down, unable to contain their own seperate feelings. This entire thing made them feel so much better about the whole incident.

｛can i｝

｛know y u wanted this?｝

Evan stared at his messages. He kept rereading them over and over again. It was almost hilarious. He could not comprehend his message for a good five seconds. Perhaps he did not want to?

｛What do you mean?｝

｛i mean｝

｛i noe u needed space｝

｛but for wht｝

Evan was about to type in the same answer he to everyone else. He needed time to himself to sort out his own feelings. However, he caught himself pausing halfway through his sentence.

Connor had a point.

What was he actually trying to achieve?

Yes, he needed to properly get his emotions under control. He has repeated that statement countless of times in his head. However, what was it that he wanted to get away from? Connor was connected to his emotional breakdown, because of his presence as a significant other.

So what?

Connor was not the one to blame at all. He was an innocent caught up in his tornado of emotions. All of his friends were like that. They were simply caught up in his emotions.

｛I need space for myself.｝

That was the extent of Evan's thinking. He could not think anything else to could serve as a viable answer at all. He could not provide a more reasonable answer, and so he simply spewed out a slightly morphed version of the answer he gave everyone else.

｛is tht all?｝

Again, Evan froze up. He knew that Connor was just asking out of curiosity, and did not mean for it to sound so very passive-aggressive. However, Evan's mind was filled with the anger embedded in Connor's heart as he typed those three words, and it caused Evan's confidence to dwindle.

He stared at the message, feeling a strong ache in his heart. He composed himself, typing his response after much thought.

｛Yeah, I think so.｝

He knew he would regret his next message, but he needed to know. This specific question did not cloud his mind as much as his own emotions, but he still believed that he needed Connor to explain.

｛What about you?｝

｛You brought it up back then, right?｝

｛So, what about you?｝

Evan immediately wanted to throw his phone across the room. He was in the right to ask. Connor had been the one to bring up the question of taking a break, but he never knew why. Obviously, Evan needed this personal time, but Connor did not.

He shifted his legs, trying to feel comfortable as he laid in bed, staring at the screen and this tension-filled conversation. Connor seemed to be typing and thinking, inferred from the constant switch between him typing and not.

｛i didnt do it for me, ev. i did this for u｝

｛i didnt even want to break up｝

｛but aftr we took a break｝

｛i had time to think｝

｛so i guess im also dealing eith my own shit｝

Evan was frowning. Now, he had confirmation that he was selfish. He just decided on his own, leaving Connor to follow along. He completely disregarded his feelings.

｛Sorry.｝

｛im ok｝

｛really｝

Evan pressed the home button on his phone, turning to his pillow. He screamed into it, attempting to let out his frustration.