《Komahina Angstpril》Silence
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Hinata Hajime sacrificed himself to save everyone else. I was the one to wake up rather than him.
Hinata Hajime is dead. That I am almost fully certain of. There is a slight possibility that he remains pushed down somewhere within my (our perhaps?) brain but I have no idea how to retrieve him. . .I am sure I would if I could.
What I know about Hinata Hajime is very limited. And that is probably not a good thing. It would probably be best if I learned more about the boy who gave up his life to create me and save this class.
He was a brunet; his hair is lighter and shorter than mine is now. He was in the Reserve course and did not think well of himself often. Komaeda Nagito tells me he was a good, helpful boy full of spectacular Hope.
He misses Hinata Hajime a lot. That is clearly evident.
He sits alone day after day inside our cottage on our bed, not saying a word, staring at the file picture of Hinata Hajime that utter annoyance Naegi Makoto had provided him. I had sat next to him one time, observing the picture alongside him.
The silence was deafening.
There is a clear resemblance. No wonder Nanami Chiaki had immediately identified me as her friend Hinata. His eyes are a lovely shade of green and he looks. . .happy. I feel as if this wasn't taken in the program before the virus started it's course.
I do love Komaeda Nagito, my Servant. Those years travelling together did not mean nothing to me. But I continue to have my suspicion that if he had to choose, he would have chosen Hinata Hajime to wake up over myself.
I had asked him about it once.
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"Nagito," I had said, "Do you resent me for being the one for waking up rather than Hinata? You have always been the hardest for me to read and I cannot tell. . ."
He had looked back at me with a slight smile and sadden eyes, reaching out and taking my hand in his. I normally do not tolerate being touched and given affection but Komaeda is the exception. He has earned it.
"Kamukura-kun. . .I could never resent you. I do love you. However. . ," He sighs tiredly, "I do miss Hinata-kun. I'm so sorry. I. . .I was falling hard for him. Please don't interpret that as cheating, I literally forgot you existed, please don't be mad at me for feeling this way, I-"
"Nagito," I had interrupted then, "I am not upset. That would not be fair to you. . .To the best of my abilities, I understand where you are coming from with this."
He sighed, collapsing on the bed. "I'm sorry. . .If there was a way we could have it so that both you and Hinata-kun wake up, I know we would have done that. I wonder if you too could've shared the body or something. . ," He then sat back up suddenly, looking directly into my eyes, "Say, is he really gone? Before I heard he was just shoved down in his brain but pulled back out in the Neo World Program. Is there a way we could pull him out again?!" He had asked excitedly.
I was not certain how to respond.
-
Komaeda Nagito still longs for Hinata Hajime.
Day after day he continues to long for the boy from the Neo World Program. He does not appear to be improving.
I wish there was something more I can do. I would most likely do anything to see him smile again.
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. . .What if I became Hinata Hajime? After watching the game footage, it is not hard to mimic his thoughts, words, and actions in most situations. I could pretend I myself had vanished and Hinata Hajime had reappeared.
I would become someone else for Komaeda in a heartbeat. . .
. . .The remaining Hinata in me must be making me soft.
I try smiling at myself in the mirror. "Hey!" I say to myself, "My name is Hinata Hajime. Nice to meet you!"
I stroke my chin thoughtfully. ". . .We're going to go forth and decide our own futures. I don't want to sacrifice myself. . .I am not Kamukura Izuru. . .My name is Hinata Hajime!"
I sigh loudly, slumping against the sink. "I do not think I could do this. . .it is not fair to either Nagito or Hinata Hajime."
I turn and make my way outside of the bathroom. . .only to run into Komaeda Nagito who is on the verge of tears.
"You were considering becoming-impersonating Hinata-kun for me?" He whispers hoarsely, pulling me into a tight embrace, "Kamukura-kun. . .You truly are amazing. . .You sounded just like him you know. . .I still love you, Kamukura-kun."
"I love you too, Nagito. . ," I respond immediately, "I apologize for overtaking Hinata Hajime once more. . .You deserve to he happy. I want to see you smile again."
"I'm glad to see you again," He admits, "But I do confess I miss Hinata-kun as well. It just doesn't feel fair!"
". . .I am here for you, Nagito. I am going to cheer you up, and. . .I will do whatever I can to see if there is a way to bring back Hinata. But in the meantime we must begin your recovery, yes?"
He sniffs, burying his head in my chest. ". . .Alright. Yes, whatever you say, Kamukura-kun. . .I want to be happy again. With or without Hinata-kun. . .But I am glad to be by your side once more. . .I missed you."
"I missed you as well, Nagito. Now come; it is time for lunch. I will make you something good to eat. Will fettuccine alfredo suffice?"
"Yes. Yes, that's more than what I deserve. . .Thank you for being so kind, understanding and patient for me and my hopeless longing for Hinata-kun."
"Of course, it is more than fair. We are going to figure this out. Now let us go. He would have wanted you to continue moving towards a shining, Hopeful future. Let us not let his sacrifice be in vain."
Komaeda smiles, pulling away and carefully taking my hand. He begins pulling me forward gently, leading me towards our front door and in the direction of the restaurant.
"Yes, yes of course. I'd hate to let Hinata-kun down anymore than I have already. Let's go, Kamukura-kun."
He got a little louder gradually after that.
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