!warning! this oneshot includes self harm

jeno looked in the mirror crying because he noticed he had picked up some weight. he felt so angry and upset with himself. "your disgusting" he yelled at himself punching his stomach over and over again and saying cruel things about himself. his sadness soon turned into anger and he punched the mirror and watched his shatter to pieces. Once he realized what he had just done he completely broke down.

he was crying,screaming and yelling. jisung being the only other member at the dorm heard the yelling and crying and was quite concerned. "jeno hyung?" the youngest said, knocking on the door when he got no answer he decided to just walk in. he gasped when he saw the state his hyung was in. "h-hyung" jeno looked up and started crying again. he now felt like a weak older brother for letting their maknae see him in such a state. "leave" he yelled gasping for air. Jisung shook his head "no hyung! i'm not just going to leave you here" he said slowly taking steps closer to jeno.

jeno groaned and started yelling and screaming for jisung to leave. jisung felt conflicted. he didn't want to leave his hyung who was clearly in a bad state but he also didn't want to make him more upset. "how about we call renjun-hyung hm?" he asked, watching as jeno slightly calmed at the mention of his older boyfriend. jeno nodded his head letting jisung walk closer to him. jisung quickly pulled out his phone dialing renjun.

"Hello?" jisung sighed when renjun picked up happy. "hyung...jeno needs to talk to you" renjun was quickly filled with worry. "put him on the phone right now" jisung handed the phone to jeno. "Renjunnie..." jeno has started crying again a bit less than before. "baby! hey~ i need you to calm down for me ok baby?" renjun asked as he got into his car driving to the dorms. jeno nodded though renjun couldn't see him. "take deep breaths." jeno did as renjun told him feeling himself calm down. "good job baby! now keep doing that and hyung will be there soon okay?" "o-okay"

Renjun arrived in less than 10 minutes quickly running to where jeno and jisung were. He saw jisung but no jeno. "He wont open the door now" jisung said scared. "I need you to call doyoung-hyung for me and wait in the living room' jisung nodded and ran off. 'Jeno...baby it's me" renjun said, knocking on the door. "Ren.." jeno got up unlocking the door, renjun immediately walked in hugging jeno. He pulled away and saw the mess in the room and gasped when he saw the picture his grandmother gave him broken into pieces.

'Jeno! Look what you did!" he yelled angrily,forgetting how upset jeno already was. "I-im sorry...i didn't mean to..." renjun groaned and stormed out the room. Jeno ran to the bathroom feeling sick. He locked the door and opened the toilet throwing up. He felt sick with himself for breaking something that was so important to his boyfriend. He felt his angry rising and he started yelling at himself. Eventually it turned violent and jeno was repeatedly scratching himself and banging his head on the wall.

Jisung saw an upset renjun storm pass him and he was confused. He was going to ask what happened and that doyoung was on his way when he heard the banging. He didn't know how but he was in front of the bathroom trying to open the door. He was banging and yelling for jeno to open the door. When he wouldn't jisung use all the strength he could to bust open the door. He saw jeno banging his head against the wall and quickly pulled him from the bathroom hugging him. Jeno was quite upset and was yelling and trying to get jisung off him,jisung wouldn't and just hugged jeno tighter,letting a tear fall. Jeno did eventually give up and doyoung had arrived but saw renjun outside looking quite angry.

"Renjun-ah. What happened? Jisung called and said it was an emergency" Renjun looked up and then back at the broken picture. Doyoung sighed and sat next to him. "What happened to it?" "J-Jeno...he broke it..." doyoung gasped. "What? Why would he do that?" doyoung asked knowing jeno wouldn't purposely break something so important to anyone especially renjun."I don't know...Jisung called..JISUNG CALLED AND SAID HE WAS UPSET!" renjun yelled dropping the broken picture. He cursed himself for yelling at jeno and ran back inside.

Renjun saw Jisung hugging jeno very tightly and ran over to the two,doyoung following closely behind. Jeno saw renjun and started panicking again trying to push jisung off him. "I'm so sorry renjun...i didn't mean to break it,I didn't mean to,i promise i didn't mean to" he cried out yelling. Once again he started getting angry at himself. "Stupid jeno! Stupid stupid stupid! He yelled hitting himself. Renjun was obviously shocked,Jisung was crying, doyoung sighed and slowly walked up to jeno.

"Jeno,hunny. Can you look at hyung please?" he said. Jeno shook his head. "Okay that's fine,but hyung needs you to stop hurting yourself please...hyung doesn't like seeing his puppy so upset and angry" jeno stopped and looked at doyoung. "That's it. Now hyung is going to walk closer,is that okay with puppy?" jeno eyes starting looking around as if he was scared. "N-No! S-stay away from puppy" he said. Doyoung nodded and stepped back."Would you like it if Renjunnie came closer?' Doyoung looked at renjun nodding. "R-ren...want ren" jeno nodded.

Renjun looked at doyoung and then at jeno walking up to him slowly. "Hey pup....ren is so sorry for yelling at you,he knows puppy wouldn't do something like that on purpose" renjun said walking closer and closer to him. "No mean too...puppy just angry cause pup get fat now" he said frowning. "Puppy is not fat at all,my baby is beautiful just the way he is" he said hugging the taller.

Jeno was fast asleep now and Renjun was rubbing his hair frowning. "Hyung...what are we going to do?" Renjun asked looking at Doyoung sadly. "I think...we should consider taking him to therapy lessons. When he wakes up we will have to talk to him about it,but I think therapy would really help" Renjun nodded.

"Hey...back there. How did you know what to do?" Doyoung sighed "Mark had had a few break downs before and so has Taeil" Doyoung said. Renjun made an "Oh" and continued to stare at Jeno.

"I'm really worried about him...this has happened almost 3 times this month,never this bad though" doyoung nodded in agreement. "I'll set up a session for him,you should go with him...just in case" doyoung said leaving the couple alone in the room.

Renjun stayed silent as he watched his boyfriend slept,watching as his chest rose and fell. "im so sorry baby...i wish none of this happened to you,your so beautiful,kind,and deserve the whole world." he whispered wiping the tear that fell from his face. "your so strong...so fucking strong. i promise ill will be by your side no matter what"

Renjun left a small kiss on Jeno's temple before lying next to him on the bed,hugging him from behind despite the size difference. jeno whined and turned around pushing his head into renjun's neck holding a death grip on his shirt.

"please...d-don't leave me" Renjun nodded and held Jeno closer to him. "I won't baby I won't" jeno gripped his shirt tighter crying softly. "hold me please...please don't let me go" jeno whispered quietly. renjun kissed the top of jeno's light blue hair. "okay...ill hold you for as long as you need me to and how tight you want me too"