I feel weird. Numb.

I know I should feel something, anything, but all I feel is the urge to keep my mind and body busy.

Lexi is worried. She may not voice it out loud, in fear I might break━which I won't━but I can see it on her face. The way she watches me when I do school assignments, leaving for the gym or hockey. The way she acts around me.

Waiting for me to break.

What happened is something I don't like or want think━talk━about, so I'm glad she doesn't talk about it.

I finished all the assignments that were given which gives my mind a chance to try and think about it, and so my mind doesn't go there I unpack my room while blasting ACDC.

Just as I finish unpacking, I hear Lexi open the door. "Kat!" I hear Lexi call from the kitchen.

I walk out of my bedroom and see Lexi scooting my coffee over to me. I grab it and open the lid, still hot. "Thanks Lex." I say turning back around to go into my room.

"Wait." She calls, I stop but don't turn. "I ran into Kai and Rohan at the café." I stiffen, "They said you haven't even talked to them since it happened."

I haven't.

Not because I hate them or anything like that, if anything I'm grateful to them. But having them witnesses to what happened isn't something I like. Though I was...on drugs, I remember most of what happened. Cohan catching me, the boys barging in and seeing what he was...just them seeing me like that is embarrassing.

I also remember kissing Rohan and him rejecting me, I remember thinking how hot he looked, how worried he looked. Then I remembered how my heart started beating rapidly, and how my body reacted to being carried by him, which was probably the drugs.

The jealousy at the party, seeing him kiss that girl.

"Did you even know that Rohan accepted a contract from Chicago. He's signing with them." She explains which makes me spin around.

I've been at practice but I leave right after and workout at all hours to make sure the others aren't there at the same time, or I work out at the apartment gym. So I don't really hear any of the locker room gossip.

"Yeah didn't think you knew." She mumbles. "Katherine...do you want to talk ab━."

I cut her off, "No thanks." I turn and go to my room before she can continue her question. That is the first time she asked me that and I think it was because of seeing Rohan and Kai.

I sit down at my desk━which now has all my nick knacks because I unpacked━and see that I got another assignment from my Writing teacher.

Since that night I messaged most of my teachers saying I had the flu and asked if they could send everything online. They all agreed but it's been over a week and I've never had the flu but I'm sure it doesn't last this long.

I also did this to avoid Cohan.

Still not at school.

After running into Lexi yesterday I had asked Chase to ask they're lit teacher where she is and Chase said Katherine is out sick.

Sometimes I wonder if she'll go back to school.

There is a thought at the back of my head that I haven't let surface but maybe it might happen.

Katherine might leave Delcour. Might go back to Columbia. Leave the team...

And I have no clue why that thought is hard to come to terms with.

To distract myself I think about this weekend, which all the guys and me are pumped for.

We're leaving tomorrow morning at 5 am and we get to the Boston hotel at about 8 pm. Then Friday we have our game against Harvard, after that we take the bus to New Haven and stay at our hotel.

On Saturday we have a free day because our game against Yale is on Sunday. And after the game we have the rest of the day free because we leave Monday.

So as I pack my suitcase I can hear my roommates downstairs talking about the game. When I finish I go downstairs and sit down beside Kai while Reid and Chase are playing Ice Goal.

"Were you packing?" Kai asks.

I grab a beer from the table and pop it open, "Yup. Are you dickheads packed?" I refer to Chase and Reid because I know Kai is packed.

They don't even look up from the television. "For what?" Reid asks and I can't tell if he's joking but then he starts laughing, "Yes, Captain."

That nickname reminds me of Katherine, "Hey Chase has she gotten in touch with you. At all?" I ask taking a sip.

Chase tried looking over his shoulder but his eyes don't leave the television. "Uh, no. I call but no answer." He says absently.

"Why are you always asking about her? Yeah she's your...friend, I have no clue what you guys are but even we don't ask about her that much and we're her friends." Reid says while beating Chases ass.

This gets all their attention and Chase pauses the game, "Yeah actually I've been wondering the same." Chase says turning to face me.

"I'm worried about her." I argue, having no clue what they're getting at.

"We all are, Rohan. But you don't hear us constantly asking about her." Reid now pipes in.

I furrow my brows, "So what are you saying, or implying?"

Reid looks at Chase but it's Kai that answers, "You miss her━we all do━but Rohan think about it...you can't stop asking about her which tells us you can't stop thinking about her..." When I still don't say anything, Kai lets out a breath, "You like her, Rohan. And not as a friend, you have a crush on her."

I can't help it, a laugh pops out. "I do not have a crush on her. We aren't in grade school anymore."

"Okay then how about this, when was the last time you slept with a girl," He continues.

"Not your hand while thinking about Kitty." Reid mumbles. I shoot him a glare but Kai clears his throat reminding me he asked a question.

"The night before what happened." I mutter.

"And why haven't you slept with someone since then? Rohan, your sex obsessed." Chase asks.

I shoot him a look, "Reid is sex obsessed." I counter.

"We all are. Your avoiding the question." Kai interrupts.

"I haven't had sex since then because━well because..." I trail off because I haven't slept with another girl because all that is on my mind is Katherine.

Oh my god I do, I like her.

And I rejected her. She kissed me and I rejected her even though deep down I like her.

I fucked up and I don't know if I can fix it.