I regret it.

I regret this stupid deal with all my heart.

I knew I would the moment I said, the only reason I said it was because of the fear that I would fall to hard for Alexander, I have never been in love before. Never. I'm going to tell Alexander that I do, I do love him the same as he loves me.

I procrastinate and walk up and down the corridor, fiddling with my fingers as I confirm the words with my mind. I have a habit of talking out of my arse when I'm nervous. The first time I am ever confessing my feelings to a boy.

I stand in front of his hotel door; my fists make contact with it, and I wait for him to open it. He does not answer; maybe he's busy?

Maybe he's doing something, the moment the door opens. I look up and see a girl wearing an oversized t-shirt.

My heart dropped. She was the total opposite of me, blue eyes, blonde hair. I back away immediately as she holds the door and looks behind me.

"Can I help you?" She smiles.

"Urm-I-I-no, sorry." She raises a brow; I turn around and see Alexander on the opposite end of the hallway. Fuck. Wrong door. He was leaning against the doorframe. I turn slowly to face the blonde girl, "wrong door, sorry." I chuckle, stumbling away on my steps as I walk down the hallway.

"You really thought I'd be with another woman?"

"No-Pfft-why would you?" He glances at me. "Yes, yes I did." I admitted.

I rub onto my forearm, rolling my eyes as I look away. Unable to take the heat of his eye contact, Alexander reaches out and pushes a strand of my hand behind my ears before turning my face to look at him.

As I look away, I touch my forearm and shift my eyes. Alexander reaches out and slips a strand of my hand behind my ears before tilting my face to stare at him, unable to bear the heat of his eye contact.

Here it goes;

"Alexander, I've fallen for you. I know I have been rude about disregarding your feelings, but I love you, I love you and it feels so weird to say the word I love you because I have never said it to anyone except my parents and I don't think I will love anyone more than I-"

"Nova." Alexander interrupts me.

"Yes." I whisper.

"I think you should go back to your room." I halt on my thoughts; Alexander pulls his hands away and begins to stand straight. He looks away from my face and thank god he did, tears were about to fall from this embarrassment.

"What?"

"This won't work out between us. We are two different people with different lives ahead of us, after tonight we will never be in contact again, I have booked you a ticket to Seattle. I will have a driver waiting for you outside the ball. But this is the end, so don't feel anything because its worthless."

It was as if my heart was a piece of paper being torn into shred with every sentence he's said, I mould my lips and nod my head with a small smile.

"Right, two different people, you're right-I think it was the wine I had-I-Urm-well I need to get ready for tonight then. Gotta fake the love between us and the-Good luck-this was a mistake."

My heart is burning before me, Alexander shuts the door on my face, and I walk back to my room. The moment I slide my key card and enter, I break down. Stupid! Stupid!

I braved the harshest winters to bring you my own blankets, only to discover that when you no longer required my assistance, you were willing to torch my entire home.

You shattered my heart. You robbed my heart like it was an emotional piggybank, then shattered it with your wrath when it was empty.

"Right, two different people, you're right-I think it was the wine I had-I-Urm-well I need to get ready for tonight then. Gotta fake the love between us and the-Good luck-this was a mistake."

No Nova, it isn't a mistake.

I love you more than you love me.

But I am doing this for you, to heal your heart before it breaks even more.

To protect you before you die in my very hands.

I can lose anyone in the world. But you? Never. I slowly close the door.

Wanting someone you can't have versus needing someone you can't have are two different things. A want is something you can get over but a need.

A need is something you require because it is essential or very important rather than just desirable.

I have been in love with Nova Johnson since I was eleven.

The moment she moved in till now. And you could believe that I have excellent taste in women, however I am being selfish in wanting to pursue things with Nova.

She deserves to live a normal life and become a mathematician graduate. I turn and see Leo settled on my bed, "this is the best for both of you. You are going to become the Russian Don after tonight. If you want to protect her, you have to let her go."

"I know."

"I hate this too Alexander, you deserve someone like her but-Nova deserves to live her life, she won't if she's with you. And you can either-"

"Marry her or leave her."

"Exactly." Leo slides out of the bed and makes his way to me, he grabs onto my shoulder. "Your life is over, you knew that when you made this plan to protect Nova from your father, you knew what you signed. This is the only way. Kill your father, become don and protect Nova. Or let your father kill Nova, stay the don and you live with guilt."

Everything that came out of his mouth was right, he exits the room after me and I rush my fingers through my hair.

◾◾◾

They were waiting for me in the hotel foyer, so I slid my bag on before leaving the room. The garment clung to my body, as did the black gloves and a black mask that covered the top of my face. When I get to the stairs, I discover Alexander wearing a black tuxedo that fits his body well.

He looked beautiful.

His eyes looked up and locked with mine.

His words hammer into my mind, I look away and reach the last step.

"Okay, let's get going before we lose the schedule."

Leo mutters to himself as he walks ahead of us, and I can feel Alexander staring at me. Fortunately for him, he's tall, which means I wouldn't know who or when he's gazing at without being totally obvious. His hands were deep in his pockets.

The journey in the

car was complete silence, "you guys remember the plan, right?"

"Yeah." I whisper.

I also remember what happens after the plan.

When I look up, Alexander is already observing me through the rear-view mirror as he drives with one hand on the steering wheel and the other on the gear shift. We arrive at the most gorgeous mansion in the world, and I rub my tummy to calm myself down from being so scared.

I had to lean forward to examine it, it was absolutely beautiful.

Remarkable.

If words could describe it, then...

I turn my face, and I had not realised how close I was to Alexander.

I love him. I love this man. I love this man with every piece of me, the way he looks at me, the way- "Alright, it starts from here. Ivanov's, good luck. I will keep an eye on you both at all times." Leo exits the car first, fixing his suit leaving just me and Alexander alone.

"Alexander, can we talk about earlier please?"

"Nova, not now."