❤️❤️

wake up

wKE UP

AUGUST

good morning ^_^

what are we in? 2012?

not the point. this is important

ur like all over my timeline

as i should be 😌

no i'm serious right now

whats going on with u this morning?

OH YOU GOT LAID

what aksjsksks why would u think that?

u cant even deny it! i know a just-got-laid august when i see one

sure you do!

how was the sex?

mind blowing! any more questions?

Nope! Love that for you bestie!

Thanks bestie! so whats up??

you're literally all over my twitter and instagram tls

why?!

cuz u looked hot as fuck on ur date with taylor swift last night

heck yeah i did 😌

theres also a deep fried picture of you guys making out in her car

what? ansjskaka wdym deep fried

so you WERE making out in her car? sheesh

how horny were u last night??

very. if you saw the pictures youd understand why

LSJDKSJSJS okayxyeah your girlfriend looked hot but can we please go back to the part where someone with a fricken nokia from the 90s with a microwave for a camera took a picture of you guys making out in her car and now everyones talking about it?

wait they are?

yeah its like on every twitter account ever

legit?

dude yeah 😭 check out twitter yourself

... no im scared

ur right, its a scary place

its fine tho like not everyone believes it

but some people do?

yeaaaaaahhhh

its fine tho right?

yeah like im fine with it but

taylors like not out and im sure after the last few years she would have liked to keep her life private

shit its my fault

i kissed her

okay but its also her fault for looking so good and constantly flirting with me and like saying stuff that were hot as fuck and suggestive as fuck

you doing okY there?

kinda spiralling

wait where is she

thats either her in the kitchen or the cats going crazy

do u think shes doing okay??

why dont u like

idk

ask her??????!!!!?!?!?!?

okay yea ur right

get out of bed and put some clothes on!!!

pfffftttt