...

Niko : August

Omg, bitch, what are you doing?

What does it look like I'm doing?

: It looks like you're on the toilet

Then, you are absolutely right! I am on the toilet!

You're disgusting

It's not my fault you called while I was peeing!

Well, I would have waited a minute, you know!

: Okay, zoomer!

YOU'RE SO FUCKING LAME, GOD!

Okay wait, I'm washing my hands

[Niko watched with a straight face, blinking at the screen as August washed her hands, listening to the water running. Finally, August turned the tap off and grabbed her phone again.]

I'm going to switch to my laptop

YOU COULD HAVE JUST NOT JOINED THE MEETING AND WAITED A MINUTE BEFORE JOINING ON YOUR LAPTOP

Jeez, stop yelling!

[August was removed from the meeting]

[Joined the meeting]

THE AUDACITY!

You were gonna leave anyway

BUT THE AUDACITY!

Wait— I'm gonna change my background

[Niko changed his background, using a picture with penguins in the arctic behind him]

Pengies!

I'm gonna change mine too

[August changed her background to Shrek's swamp and Niko burst out laughing]

IS THAT FROM SHREK?

: YEAH, HAHAHAHA

We need to Netflix Party that movie

oh my god, let's do it tonight!

[Niko changed his name to shrek]

I'm down!

You idiot

[August changed her name to donkey]

YOU'RE THE IDIOT

.........

I'm booooooooored

Don't you have any celebrity friends to talk to?

No they're all lame 🙄

And surprisingly too many of them are being real shitty and not so careful with covid so I'm cancelling them 😤

Omg so true queen 👏

What are YOU doing

just chatting with Niko

OMG I HAVE THE BEST IDEA

Meeting ID: 283 1378 1187

password: 137566

JOIN THE ZOOM MEETING

Uhmmmmm

It's just you and Niko?

Yes, I promise! No creepy interviewers or crazy fans!

aww but I thought you and niko were both crazy swifties 💔

JUST JOIN THE MEETING WILL YOU?

.........

joined the meeting]

[in his best attempt at a Scottish accent and in Shrek's voice] DONKEY! YOU BASTARD!

[in her best attempt imitating Eddie Murphy] SHREK?!

Oh my god, what did I just walk into?

[Niko finally realised there was a new comer into the meeting and his eyes widened as August burst out laughing. Taylor could only sit there awkwardly waving.]

Hold on, are guys acting out shrek?

Yes, change your name to Fiona!

OH MY FUCKING GOD

YOU DICK, AUGUST! I'VE NEVER BEEN MORE EMBARRASSED IN MY LIFE

Aw, don't be! This is actually hilarious.

TAYLOR MOTHER FRICKEN SWIFT

It's nice to meet you too, Niko!

SHE KNOWS MY NAME

anyway, we're gonna watch Shrek later on Netflix Party, if you wanna join!

Oh sure! I'd love to— is Niko breathing?

he'll be fine!

He's rocking back and forth, muttering unintelligibly...

give him a second!

Oh! That's Benji. Wanna say hi Benjamin?

[wheezing] Hi Benjamin!

Oh, by the way, Niko! Like a month ago, I offered to send you free merch but August didn't let me, so you gotta fight her or something

JEEZ, ARE YOU TRYINA GET ME KILLED?

Oops?

YOU— FU— WHAT?

and he's hyperventilating...

told you this was going to be fun!

August, you are actually crazy

and how has your day been, miss Swift?

Oh, you know, one phone call meeting after another. Answering emails. Watching a whole season of Friends. The usual.

Oh, sounds fun!

Taylor Swift... it's— [he let out a small scream]