《Her Racing Heart (Part 1)》34.
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She looked Vikranth, "I want to ask you one thing", Meera said and Vikranth lowered his gaze to see her face.
"Will you answer truly?" she asked him wanting an assurance from him.
He nodded his head in a confusion.
"You already know right, my suicide attempt, and the abortion," she asked and she controlled herself from breaking down.
Vikranth doesn't know what to say. Even he too wanted to tell the truth to her of what exactly happened but he can't. He's afraid whether she will leave him or hate him even more after knowing that he left her in that difficult time.
"You only saved me right?" she asked hoping that he will say yes. Vikranth became silent for a minute and decided to say something to distract from this conversation.
"Meera, please...... Forget everything like it is a bad dream. Reminiscing the past, again and again, will not going to change anything that happened", Vikranth said avoiding the question. He immediately shifted his gaze to avoid eye contact with her. Meera is unsatisfied to see and hear his reason.
"It is not only your mistake Meera, I am also the reason for everything that happened. I am the one who pushed you into that situation. Please don't feel guilty like you did a great sin, that's hurting me even more" Vikranth said. Hearing that Meera eyes welled with tears.
"You did wrong, but you're not the reason for my mom's death and the child's death. It's me who did that stupidity", Meera said and she felt difficulty in breathing for controlling her tears.
Seeing Meera Vikranth hugged her gently, Meera didn't protest and closed her eyes. Right now she needed someone's comfort even that is from Vikranth.
"Stop all this Meera, I am begging you. If you don't want to forgive me, it's ok. But don't think this way. You never did anything wrong", Vikranth said caressing her back and tightened his hold on her.
His words eased Meera's, wounded heart. She never thought that he will be a comfort for the pain he created. Meera understood that he's hiding something from her after hearing his answer. But she decided to wait because for every problem there must be a solution at the end and made up her mind that, she will eventually find the truth as the time moves.
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Meera broke from the hug and turned her gaze to the other side to avoid the embarrassment.
"Please don't cry. Your mom never wanted to see you in pain, that's why she committed suicide without giving any difficult time for you. Don't misunderstand her sacrifice.
And about our child, you did that without knowing and I am also the reason for that ..... " he said grabbing her shoulders and Meera looked him in a surprise. A teardrop slipped from her eyes.
For all these days, no one is there to say this comforting words. Its OK maybe a small word but that means a lot to Meera. He gave a contentment that Meera couldn't feel any distress in her heart.
Sometimes when people are suffering from depression. They just needed someone by their side and words like 'you did nothing wrong and I am there for you' will be the biggest motivation for them to move on from the depression.
For all these years she lacked this comfort, that's why she can't come out from this guilt that killed her day by day. That stabbed her heart and made hard for her to sleep. She had no one to hear what she's having in her heart and hearing his gentle words made her breathe peacefully.
After a very long time, she's getting a comfort from him. When they were in a relationship, he always used to encourage her. Even it is just a lie, an act but he wholeheartedly meant that encouraging words. Meera always liked that side of him and maybe that is one of the reasons she has fallen so hard in love with him.
She stopped crying and her heart is now free like everything is washed out. And the first time she's feeling a fulfillment after crying.
Meera doesn't want to thank him, for lissing her pain. Instead, she had a different feeling. Her heart now understood that he's changed and that too in a good way.
Vikranth loosened his grip on her shoulder and looked her with a smile.
"Do you know one thing, even while crying you're looking so beautiful to my eyes", he said that she didn't expect at this moment. Meera can't stop her blushing smile. She smiled lightly.
Seeing that Vikranth had a victorious smile on his face. He suddenly grabbed Meera's hand and she looked at him with a raised eyebrows.
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"Meera, will you smile often, like this. Please don't live in the reasonless guilt. Don't think that there's no one for you. I am.... here for you and..., he paused.
"And... don't hate yourself. You have to change everything for your happiness. If you're happy then your mom must be happy seeing you and even me too....." he said
Hearing that Meera's heart started to beat fast. She nodded her lightly and she doesn't know anything other than doing that. And the main important thing is she understood he's right.
She took her hand from his and turned her gaze to the rain. She awkwardly stood there with Vikranth. He didn't watch the rain after that and his eyes were only on Meera. Noticing this she slowly stepped to walk to her room.
Vikranth watched Meera walking away from him, today he clearly understood what she's having in her heart. She's same like him, regretting losing the child and her mom.
I know how hard for you to come back to me forgetting everything, I am waiting for you Meera, for your love.
This time I will love you like there's no tomorrow, for all my life I will live with you with full of happiness and peace. I want your love again to get back the happiness that I lost when you left me.
I want to be a father again and I want a family with you that I will cherish and protect till the end of my life.
You don't know how much I am yearning to hug you and how much I need your hands to caress my hair when I sleep in your lap. Your smile, your soft kiss on my cheeks...
God why you created me so impatient, how long I have to wait for all this to happen
But don't make me wait for so long Meera, I can't handle this separation. I desperately need you, Vikranth thought to look blankly at the rain.
Meera went back to her room and she's dumbfounded. She constantly reminded about Vikranth's embrace, strangely at that moment Meera liked the warmness and felt so protection when his arms were around her, and a peacefulness filled in her when he said that he will be there for her.
She didn't expect him to say those words. She didn't think he will confess his love. She not even dreamed that Vikranth will comfort her. Is he really loving me? She asked herself. But she can't believe anything and everything is unbelievable for Meera.
Till evening she didn't come out of her room and from her thoughts. Her thoughts got distracted when her stomach made sound and indicated that she's hungry.
She came out of her room, the rain is almost stopped but still drizzling. She knocked Vikranth's door awkwardly.
He opened the door and surprised to see Meera.
"I am going to prepare dinner, what do you want? Umm......why I am asking is... I am confused about what to do", she assured that she didn't change her attitude on him in her talk but truly she's feeling something, maybe a small affection developed in her heart after knowing that he changed.
He just looked for a second and said, "hmm... do something spicy", Vikranth said with a smile.
She nodded her head and walked away. She had a smile on her face. She decided to prepare a spicy egg gravy with rice. She noticed that the rain again started to pour.
Why this rain is not stopping, Meera thought and looked at the garden through the window. After preparing the food, Meera came out of the kitchen. She noticed Vikranth is doing something on the TV. He's trying to connect the cable at the back. Meera went near him and looked what he's doing.
Noticing Meera, "I am connecting the dish cable, it's so boring right!!" Vikranth said.
Meera again nodded her head with a smile. After successfully connecting the cable, Vikranth turns on the TV. And he had a big smile seeing that it is working properly.
Meera is looking at him without blinking her eyes because Vikranth looked so handsome while smiling, she is mesmerized and strangely her heart is racing to see that, like the past..........
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