《Her Racing Heart (Part 1)》31
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Don't push yourself to love me"
The sun extended its rays in Meera's room and made it so bright and pleasant. She slowly opened her eyes and looked at the bright sun from her window. She doesn't want to wake up, her legs were aching and tiredness filled in her body. She turned over to the other side to see someone besides her. She rubbed her eyes and clearly saw that is Vikranth. She immediately jumped out of her bed. Is it real or Am I dreaming? Vikranth opened his eyes and smiled sweetly. Her eyes widened in shock, NO NO NO I am dreaming! I am dreaming! She mentally screamed.
Meera abruptly opened her eyes from her nap. Ah... what a bad dream, she thought and placed her hand on her forehead.
She nowadays noticing Vikranth a lot. It is very hard without talking with the person who's staying with her.
She easily said that she will live without thinking about him but now only she understood how difficult it is...... as the result of all her thinking now she had a dream about him. There's the fact that if we keep on thinking about a thing, then it has a more chance to come in our dream and that happened for Meera.
She got down from her bed and walked down. Her legs stopped when she saw Vikranth. He is sitting on the couch and working something on his laptop. She normally walked without showing her nervousness.
Vikranth didn't notice her and working with full concentration, he will forget about the world around him when he's in work. But Meera's anklet sound made him pause. He turned his head and looked Meera walking into the kitchen.
It is almost going to be a month, but their relationship didn't have any changes. Meera, as usual, going to her work and living in the way she wanted. Vikranth turned busier, he doesn't have time to talk with Meera. When he's free she's not. He doesn't know what to do... with her.
Meera came out and Vikranth looked her. "I am going to have coffee, do you want", she asked and that surprised him. She never did anything other than cooking. For the first time, she's asking this.
"Ok", he nodded. After she went Vikranth smiled. Meera doing this to avoid the awkwardness and her kind nature making her feel that she's doing wrong and acting cold with Vikranth. She never wanted to be like that and she can't hate anyone wholeheartedly.
She came out with the coffee cups. After placing Vikranth's cup in the table she walked.
"Meera, I want to talk with you" Vikranth suddenly said to her.
"Come and sit here," he said. She sat uncomfortably with him and looked down. Her long hair landed on her lap and couch. Vikranth gaze traveled from her face, neck, chest, and legs, he clenched his jaw to see her. His nerves were pushing him to do something to her. But he controlled and kept himself normal.
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"Do you really want to go to that work? I mean it is really difficult for you to keep that as a secret and to be frank I don't like the idea of you going to that work" he said hesitantly.
Meera didn't say anything because she too feeling stressed to work there and everyone was asking about her husband. How long she can hide the fact that she married Vikranth. It is really stressing her.
"If you want to work, then I can arrange anything for that. But please don't work there" he said.
Meera thought for a second. She can understand what he's trying to say.
"I will think about that," she said without looking at him.
"Then... I am going to Mumbai next month, I don't know how long it will take to come back here. Do you want to with me?" he asked expecting her answer as NO.
Obviously, the answer came as NO from Meera. He didn't ask anything other than that and remained silent.
Then Meera stood up to leave, but she stopped in a halfway,
"I notice you all the time when I wake up in the middle of my sleep. Why you can't sleep properly?" she asked the question that is itching her for these past days.
Vikranth looked her for a minute he doesn't want to reveal the past things, but still, he wanted to be honest with her.
"Yeah, I too can't sleep and I am insomniac too," he said
Meera is little shocked to hear that. She wanted to ask why and what happened to him but she didn't.
"Are you taking any medicines?" she asked in a concerned tone.
"No, I don't need anything. Nowadays I am getting back to normal" he said.
She nodded her but suddenly she had a doubt.
"But...how did you know that I am taking medicines, what that means," she asked curiously.
"I know everything about you Meera, even the things.... that you don't know about you," he said and stood up to leave. Vikranth thought if he stays here then she will ask more question and he doesn't want to create any confusion now.
Meera was confused to hear that. What he really means by that. So I think he already knew about my suicide attempt even before I have told him, that's what the reason he married me?? He pitied me and his decision is not because of love.
I thought he's changed his attitude and he realized his love. But he never considered my feelings. Why you married me Vikranth? When you're going to change Vikranth? What really you're having in your heart. Meera questioned him and sat on the couch. She became sadder after the realization that Vikranth just married her because of his guilt.
She doesn't want a relationship like this because after his guilt feeling is gone, Then he eventually leaves her, Meera picturized that moment in her mind and felt so anxious about whether it will come true one day.
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She nearly cried because of this. She's devastated to see her state.
But she understood a part of this right but another part wrongly. She mistook that Vikranth married her because of guilt, she doesn't know what he truly has in his heart.
The misunderstanding hindered Meera's way towards Vikranth. For the whole day, she stayed in her room and didn't come out. She cried thinking that she did a wrong decision of marrying him.
After crying, she went to the restroom and refreshed herself. She stood before the window and looked at the sky. A mild breeze made her eyes to well with tears.
It is dark outside and very calm. She didn't eat anything and she doesn't want to...
Vikranth is really confused about Meera's behavior, he asked himself whether he said anything wrong. But he doesn't know, he even cooked food for her but she didn't come down to eat. So he decided to call her, he knocked on the door and Meera quickly wiped her tears and opened the door.
"Aren't you hungry?"
"No I am not hungry, I am going to sleep," she said looking away.
"Why are you sick?" he asked and unknowingly reached out his hand to touch her forehead. But Meera immediately backed off.
The rejection from Meera made Vikranth face to wretch in disappointment. "Sorry, take rest," he said and went to his room.
.
.
Days passed Meera totally avoided talking with Vikranth. Even she wanted to change herself, her guilt and anger over him stopping her to do that.
Vikranth searched for a chance to talk with her, with his busy schedules he found it so hard to stay in the house.
.
.
.
After a tiresome day, Vikranth came home. Today he's little earlier. He noticed that Meera is not in the house. He went to his room and removed his shirt and went to take a shower. In the middle, he heard his phone ringing. He wrapped a towel around his waist and came out. He noticed it is his manager.
"Hello sir did you emailed the.. doc.. of.." the manager's voice cracked due to poor signal.
"Hello. Hello, I can't hear you. Wait", Vikranth said to him and came out of his room. He went to the balcony.
"Hello, can you hear me", Vikranth asked.
"Yes sir" manager said to him and his voice is also clear to him.
"Why you called me?"
"Sir the documents for approval, you forgot to send the last document".
"Oh wait, there's some correction in that. I will send that later" Vikranth said.
"OK sir then I am ending the call," the manager said and ended the call.
I turned but I surprised to see Meera. She came after her work, she looked tired and her face was gloomy. For this past ten days, she's like this.
Vikranth doesn't know what is going on in her, he decided to talk with her today.
He walked towards her and she lifted head up and looked him. But she immediately turned her gaze down. He's half naked and approached her closely.
"Meera I want to talk with you", he said.
"I don't want to", she said without looking at him and walked.
Vikranth grabbed her hand and pulled her close to him. "But I want", he said in an intimidating way.
Meera felt a shiver down her spine. "Leave my hand", she said controlling her fear.
"Let's go to my room", he said and walked grabbing her hand. Meera tried to take away his hand but failed.
He locked the room and his gaze landed on her. "Wait here I will get dressed and come", he said and went into his dressing room.
Meera looked around the room and amazed to see the interior work. It's been almost one and half month but this is the first she's coming into this room. But what that made her shock is, the big photo of her and Vikranth standing together in their wedding costume that is taken after the wedding is hanging on the wall, next to Vikranth photo.
Meera blankly stared at the photo and astonished at things that happen in her life.
If he's not in love with me, then why all these things?
Vikranth came out wearing a shirt and shorts. He noticed Meera looking their wedding photo.
"You're looking so beautiful in that," he said from Meera's behind and that startled her.
"What you want to talk with me? Please tell what you're having in your mind and why you're doing this to me?" Meera asked him. Vikranth looked her with the tint of skepticism in his eyes.
"Tell me why you married me, whether because of guilt?? You see I don't need that pity from you. You don't have to push yourself to love me because you really don't have any feelings for me," the words came from Meera's broken heart.
She looked Vikranth but he remained silent, like its all true. She doesn't know what to do with him.
'I am going," she said in a low voice. Vikranth closed his eyes and sighed deeply. He immediately grabbed Meera's hand and twirled her to face him.
He crushed her body with a tight hug.
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