Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu lovelies...

I request my precious readers to pray their Salah if they haven't prayed yet before reading this chappy...

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I completed my (night) isha salah as I sat on the prayer rug doing my daily dhikr on my fingers just looking at the sky which was filled with stars and the moon shining beautifully which made a smile crept onto my face.

And I remembered this verse which i read earlier today and just smiled seeing his one of a kind creations. He made the sun to brighten the day and the moon to shine in darkness, day for a man to work and night to rest so one don't tire himself out.

"What are you smiling at wife?" Came a voice which startled me as I turned to look at him in shock but he put a blanket around my body as it covered me from the chilly wind.

I put a hand on my chest to calm my erratic heartbeat "You scared me!" I told him as he grinned like a Chesire cat and sat beside me on the plush carpeted balcony leaving a healthy space between us, as we both looked at the twinkling stars.

He was changed into his pjs and his hair was wet means he was just out of the shower, living with him for a week made me familiar with his habits and routines.

"Oops but I didn't meant to that by the way why are you praying here it's so chilly outside!" As he began to rub his palms feeling the cold.

"But I love cold weather's!" I told him silently, it's still awkward between us just like the day of our first wedding night.

I was so scared of him, scared to be in a relationship, scared to move out, scared to the changes that awaits my life.

From the very first day he had made his point clear, he didn't want to rush in and pressurise me with anything and everything which makes me uncomfortable even if it's as simple as talking to him.

It was so fast for me to process everything, just few days ago I was a single mother but now I'm a married woman, which changed many things in mine as well as our munchkins life.

It's been a week since we got married and I just talk to him in monosyllables or when its something important otherwise I keep myself silent and away from him but I've noticed the disappointed and hurt look on his face which he tries to mask but i knew my actions is hurting him whenever he tries to initiate a conversation, I hold myself back.

He makes every possible way to find a reason to stay around me but I always push him away, it makes me feel cringe and disgust about myself of how selfish i was being when he's so nice not only to me but also a supporting, loving and a caring father to Zain.

I've never seen my Zain this happy, the eager look in his eyes when he awaits the return of his father every evening and the way his eyes lits up when zaamin arrives from work, he runs and gives him a big hug as he twirls him in air.

Though he have piles of work lying on his desk, he never misses a chance to play with Zain no matter how tired he was, if he arrives late and misses his playtime which only happened once he takes full care of him until he tucks him to bed, he always spends time with him and gets to know him better.

His actions makes me feel so awful amd Ill about myself, he's a good human being I can say that much about him.

But I can't just forget my past!

My emotions were all over the place, he's nice to me he didn't do anything wrong but I can't bring myself to get any close to him, just mere thought of being close to him scares the hell out of me.

I know I was denying his rights on me as a husband but my mind and heart have a own battle to fight against each other, I just can't control my emotions, I'm not able to forget my past then how can I move forward with him.

"Penny for your thoughts Milady?" He faked a British accent which broke me from my trance as I looked at him baffled.

The moment our eyes met, his baby blue eyes seem to drag my soul towards him but I averted my gaze instantly.

When I didn't answer him he released a dejected sigh, I felt a sting on my heart but if he tries to get close to me he will only get hurt because I can't return the feelings or even the same kind of emotion which he feels.

He turned towards me fully as he lifted my right hand and enclosed it in his even before I can protest.

"Will you listen to me please?" There was something in his voice which made me look into his sapphire eyes which looked tired but held the tender affection.

"I know it's hard for you, I know it's hard very hard to forget your past, it's even harder to move on when everything reminds you of your past but trust me when I say this!" He told in a soft voice drawing circles on the top of my hand with his thumb softly in an assuring manner.

"When you keep everything inside of you for a longer period of time, it not only weakens you physically but mentally it becomes a burden on your shoulder mostly on your heart which always feels heavy with emotions which you neither can accept nor let it out " I instantly looked down not being able to hide my brimming eyes.

"I can easily feel you beating yourself over and over because you feel guilty, you think you're hurting me, you feel like you're denying my rights and what not! But let me clarify things for you!" He continued as he squeezed my hand in a comforting manner and lifted my jaw with his thumb.

"You're not hurting me nor I feel like you're denying my rights on you and it's the truth! I don't want you to feel bad about yourself just because of me!"

"You don't think I notice how you cry sometimes alone somewhere in the corner?" He asked as I looked at him in shock with tear filled eyes when did he noticed me?

"You think you make me sad ?" He questioned smiling wide.

"A-am I not?" I really don't seem understand his actions.

He shook his head smiling like he is finding this amusing "you don't understand do you? You make me happy sunshine! Very happy!" He smiled caressing my hand as tears seemed to pour from my eyes.

"W-why ?" My voice broke as I looked at him for answers searching truth in his eyes which didn't hide anything in them.

Zaamin's pov:

"Why? " my beautiful sunshine asked with glassy eyes as tear poured out from her jade eyes. My favorite pairs! I wiped the tears away from her face.

Because I like you so much i wanted to say but I can't now she's not ready to hear something like that for me and I don't want to risk the chance of losing her even before we start something someday.

"Because you remind me of myself, when I look at you, you remind me of my old self who was once just like you losing someone dear to us!" I told her painfully closing my eyes not being able to look in her orbs.

"W-what do you mean by t-that?" Her question brought me back from the horrendous memories as I opened my eyes and smiled at her weakly.

"That's a story for another time just know that it was not a pleasant one!" I shrugged my shoulders "but that's not important what I wanted to tell you is that can we forget the fact that we are husband and wife for sometime, why not we become friends just like how friends are with each other?" I questioned her because I know to start a relationship what's a better way than friendship.

Her brows widened in shock and she looked down probably her mind running a thousand miles per second to think it over " let's add the fact that there will be a healthy amount of space it'll be just like how two friends are with each other because I want you to be able to talk to me like about anything to everything, it'll be difficult and awkward at start but there's always a first time for everything right ? So friends?" I extended my hand for a shake.

I know it'll be too much to expect anything except friendship from her considering how fragile and sensitive her mind is when she's still recovering from her tragic past.

It's been a week since we got married and I'm delighted to say that I'm very excited and happy to return home every evening because my little munchkin awaits my arrival.

It's such a thrilling and satisfying feeling when you know you have someone who awaits your presence who enjoys and is genuinely happy to have you in life!

I thought I lost the capability of that feeling long time ago until I got a chance to experience it again which I'm so happy about!

Well I have a family of mine now! Alhamdulillah!

But when it comes to my wife it's a whole different story, it hurts me to see her hurt, she's so good at hiding her feelings and pulling off the play that she's perfectly fine but her facade breaks when she's alone.

I just wanted her to rely on me and share how she feels but it's too early to trust any person I can get that where she's coming from because when someone breaks your trust whom you thought would never, that hurts like a hell!

My smile slowly started to fade when she didn't take my offered hand for a shake even after extending it like for five minutes I need to work more to gain her trust in me! I thought because if she's not ready I won't push her.

I was about to drop my hand when she took it with shaky hands and my face brightened like a shining sun, just the mere touch felt like I've been electrocuted.

I tightened my hold as I shook my hand with hers grinning "pleasure to have you in my life my friend!" I told her, the wide grin never leaving my face and she gave me a teeny...tiny smile which was enough for me, for now!

Here comes a new start to us!

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